When I was little I had friends I played with other boys my age and like most boys even straight ones if they were honest would admit to playing with there friends also. Like show me yours and I'll show you mine or even touch each others. I even had a couple friends that we did a little more. Of course we wasn't old enough for our plumbing to work but it felt good anyway. That's why I say I always knew I was gay cause I liked it even back then.

I think I was like 14 the first time I cummed. Some of my others friends were already cumming we talked about it and they told me. I was late I guess in that area. I was always bigger down there than my friends even when I was little I was bigger down there. I remember jacking off and the first time I did cum I was so happy it finally worked. I told my friends hell I even told my Mom. I know but I have always had an open thing with my Mom I have told her everything. Sometimes when I didn't think she wanted to hear. She always listen and when I had questions she didn't have answers she would seek them out until she found it.

The first time with a boy was the greatest for me. I was 14 and it was soon right after the sex with a girl. He was 15 or 16 and lived down the road from me. We were friends for the longest time but I never knew he was gay. He knew what he was doing at the time I didn't know he had done it with other guys before. It happen in my room I had just got home from a swim meet and he seen me coming home and came over I was still wearing my speedo. He ask how the match was and I told him Mom fixed us something to eat and we took it to my room to eat it and talk.

We ate the sandwiches she fixed and we were talking. I didn't think about me in the speedo and the t-shirt I was wearing. He finally said looks like you feel them speedos out good. I look down and said thanks I was feeling funny inside and didn't know why at the time. He finally came over to the bed and sit beside me. He but his hand on my leg and looked at me and then he kissed me. He ask our you ok with this? I said yeah just go slow I have never done this before. He told me not to worry he would go slow and anything I didn't like to say and he would stop.

We laid back on the bed and was kissing and he was feeling under my shirt and rubbing my cock. He ask if he could take my speedos off I said yes you can. He was like I knew you filled them speedos out very nice. He was rubbing on my cock and I felt so good inside. I told him if he didn't stop I was going to cum. He said in my ear not yet Ryan I want you to enjoy this. I ask him if I could take his shorts off and of course he said yes. I was like omg when I seen his cock I couldn't believe it and touching it I was like in heaven. We were laying there kissing and feeling each other it was great.

There is more to this story. I am not sure how much you all really want to know. I can tell everything if you all want to hear or if this is enough on my first time with a boy that's ok also. If you want the rest of the story let me know leave me a comment and I will finish it. Thanks for reading about my first time with a boy.

Later from Atlanta.

Someone emailed this to me ask me to answer the questions and post them on the blog so I thought wow this is fun and I would so here they are. I won't tag anybody but if you would like to do it on your blog that would be cool. Leave me a comment if you do so I can drop by and check it out.

Later from Atlanta.

1. Name 3 great women singers.
1. Cher
2. Cyndi Lauper
3. Wynonna

2. Name 3 great men singers.
1. Rob Thomas
2. Adam Levine
3. Elvis

3. Name 3 TV shows you watch.
1. Will & Grace
2. ER
3. American Idol

4. Name your 3 favorite movies.
1. Wizard of Oz
2. Finding Nemo
3. Titanic

5. Name 3 books you like.
1. Leave Myself Behind
2. A Better Place
3. Into This World We're Thrown

6. Name 3 things you don't like about yourself.
1. I can't hear with out aids
2. I wear glasses
3. Depression

7. Name 3 things you like about yourself.
1. Easy to get along with
2. My looks sometimes
3. My cock ok so I could be a porn star

8. Name any 3 things that make you happy.
1. Nascar
2. Atlanta Braves
3. My Boyfriend/Family

9. Name any 3 things that make you sad.
1. Mean people
2. Children who are hungry
3. President Bush

10. Name 3 people alive or died that you think are important to America.
1. Doc Holliday
2. Billy the Kid
3. Jesse James

20 years ago today we lost one of our first space shuttles. I wasn't born yet but I remember reading about it in school and did a report on it. We must never forget!

This Stone says this for those who have never been to see it. IN GRATEFUL AND LOVING TRIBUTE TO THE BRAVE CREW OF THE UNITED STATES SPACE SHUTTLE CHALLENGER 28 JANUARY 1986

Suicide people ask why do people kill themselves? There are many reasons why and people say they don't understand why they didn't just ask for help? Maybe they did but you didn't listen.

Suicide have I thought about? Yes I have. Have I tried it.....No comment!

I wake everyday and search for a reason to go on I always find a reason.

Suicide is not for me but for you say you don't understand why people do it I say walk in my shoes for a day. Go through the things I been through. No not everything that has happen to me I have post about only a few people know.

Suicide don't just say you don't understand get up walk away from the computer and search and seek to understand reach out to someone if you think there in trouble tell them you care!

People don't understand suicide only because they choose not to it's the easy way out! If they stop and looked maybe help no it takes too much of there time.

Suicide............Understand it make a difference!

Why does people get depressed I ask my self that all the time since it happens to me a lot. I think of things sometimes from my past that puts me on a down mood. Sometimes there is know reason at all I just feel something creeping up and all the sudden I am feeling blue. This is been in my life for years and I really am sick of it. I take drugs to make me better most the time it helps sometimes know matter what the depression just happens. I see a counselor to help me with my thoughts she is good to talk to but still the depression wins.

In my life I have many things wrong with me and I hate it. Like hearing aids, glasses I just can't wear contacts. I don't make it easier on my eyes I refuse to wear them out in public so it's hard for me to see and now I notice I am wearing my glasses more and more at home for I can't see shit. I am a diabetic I hate that checking my sugar levels 2 or 3 times a day since I was a young boy. Just all these fucking problems and they make me depressed. I sit and think about how it would be just to be a normal boy will I even have this depression crap going on? I don't think I would.

I take things to heart to much is what my doctor tells me. I believe in people no matter what. That is not a good thing I know I always get hurt. When people say bad things about me I take it to heart when most people let it roll off. I believe in life you have to have trust and trust in the fellow man. I know there are people out there you can't trust no matter what but I believe in giving people benefit of the doubt. Still when I do that it always seems to came back on me somehow. They know how to hurt you and they do what they can to turn people on you and they did a good job at that.

When someone lies to you and you know it can you forgive them? If the lie they told wasn't meant to hurt anybody just maybe your trust do you forgive? If you care about this person very much and they lied to you can you forgive them? I remember an old saying "The truth shall set you free" If this person told you the truth to set there mind at ease and you cared for them could you find it in your hurt to forgive them? I would like your input on this if you don't mind.

Rambling in Atlanta.

Here it is Thursday again and another HNT Ryan style. I will be doing my first time with a boy post this weekend I promise. Thanks so much for the comments on my only time with a girl post. Last night I felt depression coming on again so I think writing about my first time with a boy might pick me up some since it was a good time in my life. That's about it for now so here is my HNT picture for you all!

Later from Atlanta.

The Coal Miner Statue on the Grounds of the West Virginia State Capitol.


Young Miners of the Consolidated Coal Company Mines in Monongah, West Virginia

Whipple Company Store, one of the last remaining coal company stores in the area. None are operating at the present time. Formerly owned by the New River Coal Company

For those that have followed me from blog to blog you know I am a big American Idol fan. This year is know different Tuesday night I was glued to the TV the next night also. I like the start on Idol all them crazy people getting up there thinking they can sing. Don't they know they are the butt of America's joke and then they get pissed when they hear the truth. I ask where the hell is their family and friends at to tell them hey you can't sing. A few people stuck out right from the start yes they were boy's David, Zachary and Garret he was the one in the cowboy hat from Wednesday night.

This year of Idol has it's bad boys also and is starting out no different than the other years. Don't know if you heard about this or not so I thought I would share if you haven't.

Idol Twins Busted on Forgery Charges

Thursday Jan 19, 2006 8:00am EST
By Stephen M. Silverman


Memphis twins Terrell and Derrell Brittenum made their big TV debuts Tuesday night, auditioning before the cameras on American Idol, but their next appearances are likely to be before the judge.

Terrell has been in jail since Jan. 10 on an outstanding warrant for charges related to the illegal purchase of a car in Rockdale County, Ga., east of Atlanta, reports the Commercial Appeal newspaper. Derrell was expected to turn himself in on the same charges of forgery, theft by deception and financial identity fraud.

The two 28-year-olds stand accused of using another man's identity to buy a 2005 Dodge Magnum in June. But both brothers refused extradition to Georgia, leading to new arrest warrants. An extradition hearing is pending.

In September they auditioned for the FOX TV smash and impressed the show's judges to continue to the next round. Segments of the show have already been recorded and will air during the next few weeks.

FOX Broadcasting Co. refused comment to the Associated Press on the Brittenums or their status on the show. Idol's return Tuesday boasted its best-ever season premiere ratings: 35.5 million viewers, a 6 percent increase over last year's debut, according to Nielsen Media Research.

Both twins have previous arrest records. Terrell has an arrest record for a traffic violation and a charge of disorderly conduct for which he paid a $50 fine. Derrell Brittenum was arrested in 1998 for theft over $500 and in 2000 for contempt of court and passing bad checks, court records show.

Later from Atlanta!

Just a quick post before work. I wanted to say thanks for the comments and emails on the girl post. I will try to get to the boy post sometime this weekend it went way better than with the girl trust me. In the blog world people do Half Naked Thursday pics sometimes I will put up pics of me or Mikey or I will put up something a little different that's what I am doing today I call it HNT Ryan Style......Enjoy
Oh American Idol post coming soon. Like last year there will be a weekly post on the show!

Later from Atlanta.

I thought I would share with you my first and only time making out with a girl. We were both like 14 or 15 if I remember right. She was my best friend at the time. She knew I was gay I already told her but it didn't stop us from playing a bit. Now what I mean by playing is we did a lot of kissing and holding hands. It was nice to be honest. She was always nice to me and her skin was real soft and she could cuddle like nobody's business and I love to cuddle.

We were talking one night and she ask me if I ever thought about trying it with a girl just to be sure if I was gay? I said I thought about it but I knew from way back that I liked boys. She said well if you ever want to try it with a girl sometime I would like to be the girl. I said omg really and she said yes. I said if we did do it I don't want things to change between us and she said she didn't either so I said ok I want to try. She was like really right now I said why not?

Some of the details I will try to leave out so I don't gross anybody out but some have to be told so you can get the feeling of the story. If you don't want to read details of sex between two teens a boy and a girl then leave now!

So she ask how do you want to start this. She said well the few guys I have done it with they let me take control and do what I want. I said ok but if I don't like it I am going to stop you she said ok. We started kissing and she started undressing me. You know shirt first she was rubbing my belly and my chest and I was thinking how about the nips honey they like to be played with. (My last lover at that time turned me on to that) She was kissing my neck, ears and lips I have to admit it was turning me on some.

She was rubbing on my belly working her way down to my cock. At first I wasn't hard but she was started rubbing it thru my jeans and it didn't take long to get hard. She asked damn Ryan what do you have in there? For those that don't know and for those of you that do the lucky one's I was first in line when they were passing out cocks! Anyway I said yeah I am rather big in that area. It didn't take her long to have my pants off me checking it out.

She was in love I think least she said she was. She was giving me head and rubbing my balls and like I said before it felt good but I was thinking about a guy blowing me while she was doing it. I didn't tell her that. She stopped and said I don't want you to cum before we get a chance to do it. I said ok what now. She said undress me like I did you I said ok. I told her I don't think I could go down on her but I would try. She said that is all she wants is for me to try.

So I did the same as she did with the kissing and all and I took her shirt off. No big deal she didn't have big tits thank god. So I was feeling them and still kissing on her she was trying to get me to go down and suck on them and I said give me time I can't rush this. I could feel this thing in my stomach getting ready to throw up. I finally made my way down to the tits and did suck on them a bit and she took her own jeans off real quick like. When she did I smelled something I knew I was going to throw up.

So we kissed some more and I knew in my heart this was wrong. I needed to stop but she was all into it. Finally she took her panties off and I could see hair I felt that pit in my stomach again. She took my hand and put it on her pussy and I knew it was only a matter of time and I would be throwing up. She said try it go down on me she open her legs and I could see it all now and the smell omg it happened I threw up right there right on her.

She was so pissed at me and I ask what was that smell. She freaked out on me and hit me called me a fag and all. She said just cause your cute and got a big cock Ryan don't make you the man. I said I never claim to be the man and we agreed to try this. I said I can't do it. She said I have never had a guy turn me down and said I smelled down there. I said oh honey it does I am sorry maybe the straight boys like that but I don't. She told me to go to hell in so many ways and it ruined are friendship. I would never do anything like that again.

If you would like to hear about the first time with a guy leave me a comment or send me an email and I might post about it sometime.

Later from Atlanta.

I have nothing really to say I will later just need to work it out in my head first.
Enjoy the pics! Later from Atlanta.

Here's some facts you may or may not find interesting about my state. Just thought I would post them cause Im bored.

West Virginia is the only state in the Union to have acquired its sovereignty by proclamation of the President of the United States.

The dome on the state capital is the largest of all the state capitals and is actually higher than the US Capital building in Washington, DC.

West Virginia is considered the southern most northern state and the northern most southern state.

Mother’s Day was first observed at Andrews Church in Grafton on May 10, 1908.

West Virginia has the oldest population of any state. The median age is 40.

Jackson's Mill is the site of the first 4-H Camp in the United States.

The world's largest sycamore tree is located on the Back Fork of the Elk River in Webster Springs.

The first state sales tax in the United States went into effect in West Virginia on July 1, 1921.

A hanging in Ripley in 1896 turned into a spectacle that attracted nationwide attention. A New York Sun reporter likened the town's atmosphere that day to a festival. The event is described in a song by Tom T. Hall, The Last Public Hanging in Ripley, West Virginia.

The first federal prison exclusively for women in the United States was opened in 1926 in West Virginia.

The first major land battle fought between Union and Confederate soldiers in the Civil War was the Battle of Philippi on June 3, 1861.

One of the nation's oldest and largest Indian burial grounds is located in Moundsville. Its 69 feet high, 900 feet in circumference, and 50 feet high. An inscribed stone was removed from the vault and is on display at the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C.

West Virginia's nickname is the Mountain State and its motto is "Mountaineers Are Always Free."

Some famous individuals from West Virginia include: Pearl Buck (author), Peter Marshall (television host), Chuck Yeager (test pilot /Air Force General), Don Knotts (actor), Mary Lou Retton (Olympic gold medallist for gymnastics), and Kathy Mattea (country music singer).

Nearly 75% of West Virginia is covered by forests.

15% of the nation's total coal production comes from West Virginia.

A variety of the yellow apple, the Golden Delicious, originated in Clay County. The original Grimes Golden Apple Tree was discovered in 1775 near Wellsburg.

The first spa open to the public was at Berkeley Springs, West Virginia, in 1756 (then, Bath, Virginia).

Chester Merriman of Romney was the youngest soldier of World War I, having enlisted at the age of 14.

Bailey Brown, the first Union solider killed in the Civil War, died on May 22, 1861, at Fetterman, Taylor County.

During World War II, 1700 persons from foreign countries, many of them diplomats, were imprisoned at the Greenbrier resort.

On May 31, 1992, with the Cold War apparently over, the Washington Post revealed a fact that a small number of West Virginians had largely kept secret for thirty years: Underneath the Greenbrier resort at White Sulphur Springs existed a huge, two-story bunker designed to house the entire United States Congress and support staff for forty days in the event of a nuclear attack on this country.

Seems we have gotten a few emails from our fans asking what happen to our HNT. So by request we are bringing it back I hope you enjoy it. I am still fighting this cold and cough and it's driving me crazy. Almost a month now and still it's hanging around. Not much has been going on in my life is why I haven't posted and been laying around trying to get better. I do have a few things I want to talk about but for now I am going to keep my mouth shut until I see how it plays out. American Idol starts next Tuesday how many of you are going to watch this season? I know I am a big fan of the show and the beginning of the show is always the best them people that try out that think they really can sing is so funny.

Later from Atlanta.

This really just pisses me off. A lot of the churches and christian groups use God as a excuse to hate plan and simple. I have more respect for the klan than I do these people. At least I know the klan don't hide behind or use anybody for their hate they are right up in your face with it. Now these christian groups say oh God hates gays and this is wrong. When judgement day comes I don't want to be in the line with them when Gabriel blows his horn. God will come down on your hating ass!

Later from Atlanta.

Suit Challenges Expulsion of Student Who Kissed Another Girl
(AP) A lawsuit by a girl expelled from a private Christian school for kissing another girl off campus seeks at least a million dollars in damages. But attorneys for Covenant Christian Academy in Loganville say the school has a constitutional right to expel students for what they term "sexual immorality." Jessica Bradley, a ninth-grader when she was expelled in April, and her father alleged invasion of privacy and breach of contract in a Superior Court suit filed last month in Gwinnett County. The suit says that at a sleepover party with several other female students April 22nd, Bradley kissed another student, and at an earlier date had kissed a different female student. In the court documents filed last week, school attorneys cited a defense of "ecclesiastical abstention," which prohibits courts from interfering with internal politics of a church. David Clark, the Bradleys' lawyer, says the school's rules are too vague, never specifically mentioning a same-sex relationship. Clark says that while the First Amendment gives churches the right to believe what they wish, it does not give them the right to act however they wish to act. (***01/11/06 @ 06:00am***)

Whats up with all this crazy weather anyway. Its 63 degrees outside right now. I want to see some snow. Were supposed to be in the middle of winter right now.

Just wanted to take a few seconds and post something I didn't want people thinking me and Mikey are the same person again. I have been sick the last few days I know seems I am sick a lot and I am. Read some of my posts and see the reasons why I have talked about it before. So this weekend I have just been laying around trying to feel better I do feel a little better today but still not 100%.

I watch this show on CNN today it was about the coal mining accident and it was so sad. The thing that choked me up was they showed some of the notes that the miners left to their families. That had to be the hardest thing they ever did. Just knowing they wasn't going to get out and see their family again. They wanted their family to know it didn't hurt still knowing they wasn't going to make it but still wanting to protect their family. Good men right there. May they rest in peace and their families find peace in their hearts.

Later from Atlanta.

I just thought I would make a quick post and let everyone know Ryan's not been feeling well. He's resting and told me to tell you all he would post something this weekend. This videos for him. Love You Babe

Ive been blog surfing this morning reading about the mine disaster here in my state. Most of these blogs don't know shit about the facts of the situation. Im only 130 miles from the area where it happened. That's a hell of a lot closer than any west coast blogs. Ive been following on our local news and in the paper. One blog is blaming the media for the way the story got out about the miners being alive initially. He questions their sources. Let me tell you who their sources were. When you got the governor of the state and the president of the mining company along with countless other official people from police to people in the command center out in the parking lot hollering and shoutin about all 12 miners alive wouldnt you think those are pretty good sources. Hell the governor is the top official in the state. The president of the mining company is the highest official person you would want to get info from. So all the media hear this and they report it. There's not a damn thing wrong with that. The blame for the screw up is right where it should be. With the rescue team and the mining company. They should have checked their facts before letting any word of 12 miners being alive get out. The media didn't leave the families sitting in that church for 3 hours thinking their loved ones were alive when they knew the truth 40 minutes after the told them. Here's some more facts that blogs are getting wrong. One was talking about how the miners built a barricade from materials that were around them to keep the poisonous gas away from them. He said the media fabricated that bit of the story. I myself with my own 2 ears heard the president of the mining company in a news conference say the miners had built a barricade. So if the top official with the mines says it thats a pretty good source aint it. So the media reported it. Theres nothing wrong with that. If it was't true its not their fault again its the mine company.

I know the media reports things wrong sometimes. But some people need to stop blaming the media for everything wrong they read. In this case the media had good sources and don't have any reason to be sweeping anything under the rug.

I don't know if anyones been watching the news the past 3 days. If you have Im sure you seen the reports of the coal mine explosion here in my state of West Virginia. Well they finally got to the miners and all but one were dead. That's a tragedy but there was another one too. The familes were initally told that 12 of the 13 miners were alive. That was due to a "miscommunication" from the rescue team to the command center. That's bad enough but then they found out 20 minutes later that in fact only one of the miners were alive. Do you think they went and told the family members the bad news. No they waited 3 hours before telling them. I was watching on the news and it was showing the families waiting on the porch of the church in the cold with blankets wrapped around them. They stood out there for 3 hours waiting for the dads,brothers,husbands to be led out of the mine.Sure it would have been awful to tell them the bad news 20 minutes later. What the fuck do you think they felt like when you told them 3 hours later. They were mad and pissed off and rightly so. One woman said were dumb West Virginians so you'll think we'll believe anything. We may be dumb but were not stupid. Just cause were hicks and hillbillys don't mean we don't have feelings too.

Some people may see an ugly bird when they look at this photo. Not me I see a beautiful swan.

As much as some people want to believe I'm not real and in this New Year I don't give a fuck what people think anymore just wanted that for the record. I want to write a little about me growing up. Some you that have follow me from my old blog might remember me talking about growing up and being born to soon. I had and still have some health issues I deal with them everyday. The biggest for me is being a diabetic I have been since I was 6 years old and I get tired of it to be honest.

Having to check my sugar 3 times a day taking meds and insulin if I don't take care of myself. I really get sick of it. Having Mom waking me up on the weekends just to check my sugar and taking my meds. Sometimes I get really mad at her for waking me up but I know she's only doing it because she cares. Then I have my friends that know and if I spend the night with them they make sure I also make sure I check and take my meds. At first when I was younger I tried to hide from them I thought they would make fun of me. Then they found out and they gather around me and gave me support like friends do. It did make me feel better.

I have other health problems that I really don't want to talk about on here. The thing is when I get a cold or the flu it takes me forever to get rid of it. My immune system is not a 100% so it takes me forever to kick a cold. Like now I think I have been fighting this one for a month now. Well enough on me how was everyone New Years? Did anyone wake up sick the next day? I was a good boy and didn't drink anything. I sure hope all my peeps were good and nobody ended up in jail or waking up to God only knows what. This is going to be a good year for us all I can just tell it. I am going to leave all the old stuff from last year where it belongs in the past.

Later from Atlanta.

Today in Atlanta kinda speaks for it's self.