Ryan's Life

I was told Austin was coming in today much 2 my surprise I had a trick played on me. My neighbors ask me 2 go 2 this drag show last night they had an extra ticket. They were in on the surprise also along with Austin and my Mom. Anyway we went 2 the drag show they had 2 drive so I was like ok. We were at the show I met some really cool people and even one guy who reads this blog and I thought that was really cool. We were in Sarasota and for those that don't know that town don't have but 1 gay bar I think and this show was at a theatre so that's why it caught me strange someone say they knew the blog. Anyway my neighbor kept getting phone calls and I wonder why the show was over we stood around and bullshitted for a while and I was like I want 2 go home Austin will be here in the morning and I was tired. They all said lets go 2 the club and get a drink I am like I don't want 2 but they talk me into it. We were there maybe half an hour and my neighbor gets a call and all the sudden he said we gtg. I am like I'm not finish with my drink and he said well down it we gtg I am thinkin how rood so off we went and home thank the lord. I got home and was settling down 2 watch a movie when the door bell rang I was thinkin if this is the neighbors I am gonna blow a gasket. I open the door and Austin was standing there holdin a rose and nothing else on naked on my front door with a rose askin if I missed him? I was like boy get in here and let me show you!!!!!! I will leave the story right there as I try 2 keep this a clean blog as I can but your minds can finish the rest or send me and email and I'll finish the rest for ya! Yep the bug got me again! Ok were off 2 the beach!
Later From Florida!

Even though my friend blew his motor at the start of the race and was in a wreck in Saturdays nationwide race I still had a awesome weekend. I am on cloud nine right now and I don't want 2 come down off it. Yes there is a boy involved. I didn't want 2say anything until I was sure he liked me also. I met him while I was gone the 2 weeks and I will tell all about that soon. His name is Austin and I have this feeling in my tummy about him and he finally told me he felt the same about me. I need 2 address the issue of Mikey and me. I will always love Mikey he was my first real true love and I think I was his and we tried 2 work things out but we knew we were fighting a losing battle and we both agree it was best we go our separate ways. It hurt hell it hurt a lot and it coz my 2 week of being gone from this blog. I know in my heart it was best for both of us and we agree on it I will never speak ill of Mikey and will kick anybody's ass that does like I said I will always love him I just know now we weren't meant 2 be together.
I am in Florida now and must say I am very happy here. Austin will be here tomorrow and Corey and my Bro this weekend I can't wait. My Mom is happy that I am happy she still sending family members over 2 check on me she didn't think I was ready 2 come back here alone but I needed 2 and I feel good. Let's see what can I say about Austin he is beautiful I will get a pic of him of us together on here soon. He is like 6' maybe 150 and so freaken hot! I still can't believe he likes me. I think omg I am not even in his league he tells me I'm silly that I am in anybody's league I just feel like that but ok don't matter he likes me. Anyway he don't know about this blog I haven't told him yet so I should tell him before I start talking about him or maybe not tell him so I can talk about him and get ya'll advice hehe. I am gonna get a part time job also I think I'll go back into the rehab field I liked that a lot and being a swimmer I think I am just good at doing that. Besides I love helping people I guess that's it for today Austin will be calling soon hehe. I can't wait!
Later from Florida!

More details coming soon!

Well we made it to Talladega all safe and sound. They men are out sitting everything up haha men whatever just coz they carry guns they think there men haha! Better them doing than me I say. I woke up 2 early this morning or something not feeling all charged up. Don't worry I'm not sick just tired. I haven't seen my friend yet I am gonna go out 2 the track later I know how 2 get a hold of him just takin things slow. I don't know why Dad and his gang always picks this track 2 come 2 all the crazy stuff that goes on here sure anit a place 4 kids that's for sure. Mom says Talladega is like Vegas is what happens there stays there. Unless your name is Ryan then I will tell all! haha! When I get down with this weekend and get back 2 Florida I will be having some really good posts so make sure you check them out they will shock some of you the missing 2 weeks.
Cool shoes don't ya think?
Later from Talladega!

Ok so tell me who can beat David Archulea? I don't think anybody on the show can. Besides being able 2 sing he is so freaken cute! He is only 17 until December so I will not talk dirty about him but ya'll know me so you know where my mind is. Damn let me lose on that twink for about a day or so. Oh my I better stop right now! Anyway anybody getting and vibes from him?

This past weekend is just what I needed! A weekend off from my troubles was just what the doctor ordered. Very soon I will be telling what happen in them 2 weeks I was gone. The reason 4 this is I think it will help other people dealing with what I am dealing with. Also I have some back stabbing friend I am gonna be saying goodbye 2. I trust them over and over again and each time they turn out 2 be nothing but liars and I am sick of it. One is in love with the other and that guy just moves on from guy 2 guy funny thing is he never picks guys in his own town. I wondered why that was but I think I got it figured out and I'll be speaking on this. Also there is gonna be a bon fire that will be on video of things fake friends have sent me I am not holding on 2 them anymore just like there fake ass friendship so a bon fire it shall be! Yes I will be in the video. Now on love well I may have met someone over the past week that might like me and I might like him but that's all I am gonna say about that for now! Stay tuned all my friends this is gonna be a fun ride!

Later from Atlanta!

I don't understand why some people hear voices in there head and some don't. I don't understand how some people can talk 2 this voice and it answer back. I don't understand how this voice can make you do things you would never think about doing. How you get up in the middle of the night and walk right out of the house and wake up in the middle of a field. Maybe the voice talks u into doing something real bad just strikes me real strange that a person does it. I know I am a crazy person with so many freaken problems and just seems like shit keeps piling up on me. There is so much I want 2 say but so much I can't right now just know I am seeking help right now and they think they can fix me only time will tell.

But this weekend I am gonna do what Bob Wiley did in What About Bob I am gonna take a vacation from my problems. I love this movie it makes me laugh every time I watch it. If you haven't seen it go buy it its cheap and you won't regret it trust me. There is many one liners in this movie but I think my favorite is when Bob Wiley says "Your book has done a lot of good for a lot of people I'm living proof of that." Anyway this weekend I am takin a vacation from all my problems. Hope Ya'll do also!
Later!

I know there are many questions and I am the only one that has the answers ya'll seek but right now I just can't answer them. Maybe in time I can and will but now is not the time. Just know I am somewhat better now and I am safe. The emails and comments mean the world 2 me. I will answer all the emails just give me time ok! Life has been very dark 4 me the last few months and I am looking for the light and I think I see it I just can't get my feet 2 move I think in time I will. I've made some choices this last month that I am second guessing now not sure I did what was best for me now I am tryin 2 fix them and just don't know how. I guess like everything else it takes time!
Later!

Ryan is not well and will be back soon. I can't say anymore than that just hang in he will be back.

Thanks Corey

I find it funny I got so much going on in my head but yet I sit down in front the puter and I got nothing. I been looking at a white page for 20 minutes and still nothing. Oh I know some of you ask about what's going on with me and Mikey I haven't said anything and neither has he but for now we are spilt up again. We are both dealing with stuff and thinks this 4 the best right now. We are still talking and all and no fighting but right now we just feel this is what we both up. Maybe in time we will be back together People ask about Corey and why I took him off the blog he ask me 2. He still reads and helps me on here when I need so if ya'll want 2 say hi 2 Corey now and then he does see them! Weekend plans I don't have any just gonna work on getting stronger so I can move back 2 Florida I was happy there so that's what I want. Any of you have any weekend plans?

Later from Atlanta!

Quote of the day
If you can't make love to the one you want there is always masturbation

By Buckcherry

Again sometimes words don't come from inside you they come from someplace else and they know just how your feeling. This song is how I am feeling inside right now!

Later from Atlanta!

Oh if you get a chance stop over and say hi 2 Jared he is new in the blogging world and could use a reader or 2! His blog is called Kittens Corner Thanx!

Sometimes I feel I preach one thing and then do another. I was preaching about porn and doing xtube and how wrong it is. I came down hard on this one kid and I am no different than him. I know your wondering what the hell is he talking about. Well it's like this at one point and time in my life I took nude pics of myself and traded pics with other guys now I wasn't old enough at the time but ya know how it is cant stop a kid that wants 2 do something. I did more when I got old enough and it came 2 a point I would only give them out 2 people I totally trusted. Well yesterday that trust I gave somebody was broken. I am not gonna say names coz they know who they are. Somethings he could explain but not all of it. So I just cant believe all I was told about what happen and why this boy let this happen. It goes back to an old post I wrote about trusting people. I but very little trust into people in the first place and if I do seems like I always get burn. Don't get me wrong until someone hurts me really bad I still like you just trust is earn and only takes one person 2 rip down all the trust I have.
Later from Atlanta!

I try 2 bring things 2 the table maybe someone is feeling what I am feeling so maybe it might help them. I am having some issues with the gay community mainly the gay community that's in the public life. Not gays that are out and proud but ones that know what they want but are scared it will hurt them if they are seen with other guys. Now what pisses me off is these guys that are famous that either hire a beard or uses one and the poor girl don't even know. Oh for those that don't know a famous gay or any gay I guess will have a women as cover his being gay and we in the gay community call them beards. Anyway this pisses me of 2 know end. When you know that a gay is guy and he has his beard on his side just incase of a tv shot just pisses me off. What's sad is the beard is hired by his agent just 2 him in closet more and more. Whatever!

Oh for those that have tried 2 call or im well let me explain what happen I got mad at someone I was talking 2 and threw they the damn thing across the house. Well it didn't turn out well so Dad got me a new one Friday and I have been having issue with it. I am gonna try 2 get down 2 nextel today and see if they can get it 2 work right. I have 2 have a nextel for the walkie talkie thing on it I keep up with some friends that way that have it. The weekend I didn't do anything fun just slept tried 2 get myself healthy again so I can get my ass back to the south. Laurie got a little friend on her blog she calls Helga she has had her all over Texas and the school she works for and I was reading some on her and a few readers was askin what she thought about like mailing it 2 one person like me and I take pics of Helga and differt things in my town and then I mail it 2 the next and they do the same and this keeps going until Helga gets back 2 her home with Laurie. Course we post the pics on our blogs and we could all see what Helga has got into from week 2 week. I love this idea but we need 2 wait 2 school is out and ask Laurie what she thinks of this idea.

What do ya'll think about it?

Later From Atlanta