Aaargh! It seems today's "trick" is being played on me by work who keep testing the bloody fire alarm in my building - my poor head! Although far worse was having to get out of bed this morning when my lovely boyfriend was still slumbering peacefully next to me. Grrrr, employment I curse you!
Sorry haven't been blogging or doing anything much with myspace either honest I just haven't felt like it. I'm not a 100% yet and even if I was right now I would have 2 say I don't feel like either one of them now. Hope ya understand what I'm trying 2 say. I don't know I just feel somewhat depressed I think part of it is from being sick and the other part was looking for something that didn't happen and I guess that's my fault for wearing my heart and feelings on the outside of my body I am still learning as I go. Anyway I'm gonna take a few days off from here and rest get myself feeling well and put away my feelings so they are much harder to hurt. Have a fun and safe Halloween I ask you trick or treat?
Well I'm home from my stay at the hospital seems like things were going way 2 good 4 me not for something 2 fuck it up. I cant bitch tho its been a while since my last visit. Least this time it wasn't as long but whatever I'm sick of it all anyway. I'm cutting back some on my outings this time of year is always bad for me with the cold and flu going around I catch it so easy. So less at the clubs and more at staying home that's gonna suck but I will learn to adjust. Being sick this time I did find a lot out I found out who my friends are and who was just hanging on for free drinks or a place 2 crash also found a lot about my online friends most of you are wonderful but there are a few that I just figure out what you want from me so I'm not gonna try 2 figure it out. I'm gonna change a lot about how I approach things and people from now on. I will let people in my life from now on if I can trust them and I feel I can trust them now this don't go out to my true friends you know who you are and we talk or email or text weekly. Yeah I got my feelings hurt and I'm not a shamed to say that but I'm not gonna so who or what I think the persons that had something to do with it will figure it out.
I feel I have to address the Jerry Lewis comment over the weekend. I like Jerry and even tho he was like way way way before my time I have seen some of his movies and the comedy he had with Dean Martin was just way funny. Anyway for those that didn't here this is what he said Jerry Lewis has caused outrage by suggesting cricket is a "fag game" during a trip to Australia. Now this is not his first time for using a slur with the word fag in a hurtful way. I am not sure if its old age or does he really hate gays? I would like to think its his age and him being old school and the word fag is not coming out of his mouth in hatred least I want to believe this. I say old school coz what he thinks about women being comedians. Now Jerry every year with cost to you or the mda I promote your telethon but you keep this up and I will put you on you don't matter to me list. I know I am just pee on compare to him but hell makes me feel better. Jerry if it's hatred stop it!
During this week, we celebrated eight years together! I knocked off early on Friday so as to get to Lewes earlier than expected and found the manwife and some of his work mates in t'pub where we passed a few hours in friendly conversation and local beer. On Saturday we'd booked a table at Brighton's premier vegetarian restaurant Terre a Terre and spent the day lounging about relaxing and enjoyed spending some quality time together. After a brief meeting with another friend for pre-meal drinks we repaired to our table where we had the most wonderful meal. We shared a mixed tapas starter and bottle of Italian merlot and split bits of our mains so that the manwife could sample more of the menu! :-) Note the vodka spiced tomatoes - they were fabulous and had a real kick - and the aubergine 'caviar' & custard!
We had...
(yes, it does look like a weird tree!) All washed down with a chocolate martini, espresso and a single malt. Lovely.
Afterwards we strolled along the sea front watching the waves break against the stonework before heading back to his place for some high quality sofa based snuggling. Bliss.
So yeah im pissed off I know ya thinking what can he be pissed at layin in a hospital. Well for starters I was suppose 2 be in Atlanta by now and today I was suppose to be out golfing with my friends for charity. I was suppose to meet a couple new friends this weekend. Oh but no I am layin in a hospital bed with tubes and crap doing nothing but going fucking crazy. I do feel better but I always do after a couple days in here but not good enough for them to let me go. I hate this more than anything in the world. I do want to say thanks for the comments and emails with your support even the mean ones I am starting 2 enjoy more. If all goes well I might get out on Saturday I can only hope. Anyway thanks again for being such good friends.
Later from the 5th floor in the local pital in Florida!
Hey y'all! No, this isn't Ryan it's his Texas Mom Laurie... I texted him this morning cause well, as every mom knows you worry about your child when you haven't heard from them in a while....Anyhoo, Ryan is back in the hospital....His immune system is low..His temperature was high and his white cell count is down.... He's doing alright and should be able to have his laptop in a couple of days or so....His mom is with him so I know he's in great hands....
Still, I worry about that boy....He better be really glad that I'm not there because then he'd have me and his mom on him 24/7 about the way he takes care of himself.....Some day he may learn to not do something that's gonna harm him but until then he'll be a typical 21 year old that thinks he's indestructible.....
As I type the manwife is struggling with the wonders of rail replacement bus services to get back to his place and I'm supposed to be knocking up some model solutions. But I'm not. Nope. I'm taking an undeserved break to tell you about my weekend: On Friday my former office mate from Ireland dropped by (he'd been workshopping in London) and we went for a few of the not-Guinness'. After a few of the foaming ales all the cares and stresses of our respective weeks drained away like an emptying slops tray. A few beverages and we'd worked ourselves up into a paroxysm of rage at a) the return of Peter Mandelson to the cabinet and b) the medias coverage of this and the credit crunch. No doubt convinced ourselves that we had the perfect solution to the global fiscal troubles (if only we'd written it down). There's every chance we may have resolved his relationship woes as well but I really can't remember. Thankfully the manwife arrived and escorted us to a restaurant where we not only dined but extracted a carry out keg of beer (microbrewery) to attack back at the flat. By this time the river-sharks who live in my carpet held no fear for us and we negotiated the stroll home and collapsed in various heaps on sofas and proceeded to turn our attentions to the aforementioned carry out. Finally in the bleary small hours of Saturday morning we ran out of rubbish to say to each other and went to bed - however, I can confidently state that at no stage was anyone really drunk because the following line wasn't uttered: "Hitler, right, and Churchill and Hitler well he was...a vegetarian and that's all I'm sayin' on the subject" which is the official litmus paper test of drunkenness (despite the fact that's not true).
The remainder of the weekend was spent (after waving off our guest) catching up on our Gay Couple 101 coursework - i.e., buying matching dressing gowns, slippers and amusing ourselves by lounging around in these identical outfits saving the world from some Lovecraftian nightmare horrors. Oh, and there may have been some sodomy... Right back to those model solutions.
I always think there is nothing like a good post written out from the heart or maybe a post about something that you see or read that pissed you off. But sometimes words just aren't needed. Like these pics no more words are needed there beautiful just they way they are.
Last night at work my last client of the day was this 15 year old boy that was in an accident. I was told he was an angry kid and was rude and down right mean. I was thinking oh great just what I needed to finish my day. Well the kid and his mom come in about 5pm and she is pushing him in a wheel chair I look at the report again and it didn't say anything about this kid being in a chair so I was asking them the typical questions and his mom said he refuses to get out of the chair before the accident he wasn't in it. So I ask her all the question and then I told her where the waiting room was she could get some coffee in there and watch on the monitors or come back her if she liked. I have to be honest she took off like a bat out of hell when I said that I thought boy this kid must be hell and I am in for it. I told the kid where he could go an change before we started he was like I can't change by myself I'm in this chair. I was like great I am gonna have to change this kid not on my list of things to do. So I go with him to the changing room and I ask him if can stand at all? He was like real shitty said no what do you think? So I told him that we could either try to get his shorts on or I could talk to his mom and turn the monitors off and he could just do the therapy in the nude I told him some of my other clients do it in the nude coz it's easier for them. He was like no I want shorts on it's bad enough that your skinny ass has to see my fat. I was shocked I am like no he didn't just say that. So I was like weight has nothing to do with it. He said for you no look at you your skinny he said look at me you think it don't matter? I told him to me know it don't matter and it shouldn't matter to anyone else but I understand that it does. I ask him is the problem with you not walking after the accident because of your weight? He told me the the accident was because of the weight and not getting up was because of it also. He told me he was tired of being picked on by other kids and tired of not having any friends tired of being fat. I was in shocked I was thinking about myself in school and the bulling I went through I understood where this kid was coming from we were just alike in many ways bullied just different causes. I told him I totally understood how he feels I also was bullied I told him I don't know how kids can be so mean but not all of them were but the thing to do is make yourself better first and then make yourself a better person and when you get older you will see that you will be better off than any of them bully's can every be. It's just so sad cause I feel this boy pain as most of you do I'm sure I don't know why kids are so mean I do believe that some of it's cause they way they are raised. I do also believe that kids can be raised right and still be mean I have seen it first hand. But most the time it starts at home. I did get this boy to do his therapy and by the end of it he was smiling and looking forward to coming back I also told him that he has a friend in me if he wants it. He mom was happy also said she didn't know what I said but was happy he was happy. I was wondering if I should talk to her about his weight and that its making him feel bad about himself maybe she could get him to like a weight control doctor or maybe a lapband or something. Every time I hear something like this or see something like this also brings me back to that song Don't Laugh at Me I totally believe in that song. I just wish we didn't have the bulling and hatred going on in this world. What a better world we could have!
Don't laugh at me Don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain In God's eyes we're all the same Someday we'll all have perfect wings Don't laugh at me
I rather like Mondays despite as it means, that despite the fact that the weekend with the manwife is over, the new week has started and I just have to plod through the next few days before I can see him again. Sunday evenings I don't like as I've arrived back at my flat having spent two too-brief days with him and I feel a bit mopey, but Monday's are (relatively speaking) a doddle. Tuesday's are an entirely different kettle of fish - they're the new Mondays....
Anyhoo, hello! *waves* Sadly there are no tales of debauchery from my weekend. We decided to have a quiet one in together apart from Saturday night when we ventured out for Chinese with friends - which was a double success as we had a lovely time and I wasn't horribly allergic to any of it! Yay. Sadly, despite being in his neck of the woods I didn't run into Nick Cave which means I'll have to step up my stalking.... Next time Gadget...
Today's blogger recommendation is the fantastic http://www.debriefingtheboys.blogspot.com/ written by the superbly talented Matt. It's a mixture of clever observations about weighty issues and hot boys. What more could one want?!
In the mean time I'll leave you with this puzzler: How many blogs would a weblog blog if a weblog could blog blogs?
I had a very quiet weekend I had plans to do stuff but back out at the last second just didn't feel like doing anything. I did work Saturday Morning I had 2 clients that I had no where else 2 put them so them agree 2 Saturday morning that worked out for all of us. I don't know just feel like doing anything after getting that phone call from Mikey nothing wrong with the call just put me into a thinkin mood I guess. I did do a little shopping on Sunday only for things I needed kinda funny come form me huh? Yes I like many Americans am watching my pennies so shopping is less and less everything and it's like one of my favorite things 2 do beside sex haha. I did spend a little on something I guess I didn't need but wanted so I got it anyway. How many of your remember "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown"? Well I seen it there in the store and just had 2 get it admit you watch it every year when it comes on TV! Oh I did get an email asking how come I post different things and different times on here and myspace page well part of that questions I get the other part not sure I post different times coz I am a morning person and some of my clients like getting started early so I can get 1 or 2 of them in and them a little breath spot so I post on here and sometime in the afternoon I will post on myspace but I don't do that everyday but I think the post are kinda the same don't you? Heck I even copy and post from here on there or there and put it here but I think the post follow down the same road least I think they do. With hat question that gave me an idea I did this on myspace once so let me try it here I will open myself up 2 all of you and let you ask one question good or bad and I will answer it you have one chance so make sure the question is something you wanted 2 know that I haven't talk about before. I will make it easy if you don't want everyone else to know the question email it to me ryryt87@yahoo.com.
It’s hard to believe that it has been ten years since Matthew’s death. So much has changed yet so much remains the same. I want to thank all of you for your unwavering support for the Foundation. I know that you understand our work is far from over. I don’t mean the work of the Foundation exclusively I mean the work we all need to do at a personal level. We need to continue talking to our friends, families and co-workers. Unless we are honest about who we are and are able to share with those who love us what our lives are like, they will not know how to help us. We need those allies in this struggle to achieve equality across the board to realize all of our civil rights.
Great advances have been made in changing people’s attitudes and eliminating ignorance about the gay community even in my wonderful state of Wyoming. At least I thought so, until I read the readers’ comments following an article about the ten year observance of Matt’s death in the Cheyenne, Wyoming newspaper.
I understand that the readers who take the time to write in are doing so because they absolutely disagree with the article and those who do agree won’t bother to write comments. However, it brought home to me how much work is left to do to make the world an accepting place. The level of ignorance is astounding. The continuing belief that what happened to Matt was not a hate crime and the notion that ‘special people shouldn’t have special rights’, is beyond my comprehension. The level of ‘hate’ is frightening.
The Foundation staff is very committed to doing all they can to ensure the message - ‘erase hate’ - is one that is known to the community and its allies as well as those who are trying learn more about the Foundation and the LGBT community at large. It is ignorance that ultimately results in hate and that may escalate into physical violence. The only way to combat the ignorance is to educate and tell our stories.
We are all aware of how important this election cycle is to all of us. Please take the time to know the issues and what is at stake for the LGBT community. Share your stories with those who care about you. It is the only way they will know how to vote to support you.
The privilege of having the right to vote is also a responsibility. We must remember that we are not voting only for a new President but also for representatives at the local, county, state and national level. Please vote and encourage everyone you know to vote. Apathy is unacceptable. We are at a cross roads in the movement and we need to show our support for those who support the LGBT community. We are all hoping the next ten years will be our time.
I just want to say this should make all of us very said and we need to stand up and do are part. I believe we should start at home with the kids it has to start there kids don't hate when there young they are taught to hate. Lets help Judy Erase Hate give if you can click on the links and give what you can. Me & Calvin will not post anything again until Monday we think this weekend we should all remember Matthew and his family. Thank You! Ryan
I haven't been feeling well the last week as many of u know. I am tryin 2 do what is ask of me so I don't end up in the hospital again. It's hard 2 do what's right coz where is the fun in that right? So I like got a little down as the post a few days again shows then I am like I need 2 get out of here and hit the town kinda hard 2 do with Mom here making sure I am following the rules. But ya know where there is a will there is a way right? Well that's all I am gonna say sorry there are nasty details but 2 bad I'm not talkin sorry Bob. I will say I got home late and Mom was pissed I said Mom I'm 21 hello she said I'm older and will bust your ass!
Sometimes people just have a bad day and let things get 2 them when they know better yesterday was mine. I normally just delete the hate comments and emails but I didn't and I got up on the wrong side of the bed and everything just got 2 me yesterday thank God I have friends like you that give me good advice or support or kicks me in the ass and tells me get off the cross coz Jesus wants his wood back. Thanks either way I am back on track now and trust me I won't be letting theses hate fuckers win.
My answer to the comments yesterday
Ed - Thanks for being like a big Brother
Laurie - Love you!
Christopher - Your so right!
Elise - Your so right I cut them right in the throat!
JC - I'm not sure what you said but thanks anyway!
Jimm - I totally agree and here is the link for others to go read http://www.saywhatclub.com/essays/ekisser.htm
Devil's Advocate - Thanks for the kick in the ass sometimes ya know when I need it!
Speaking of bad days did anyone watch the Talladega race? Man what a race we all love them super speedways well I know I do. The wrecks were plenty and sad but Reed got caught up in them dammit. He did lead some laps before the big one. He made it threw the first big one but the second one got him damn oh well next year he will be with a new team and Kasey Kahne's teammate so I am sure he will do much better coz lets face it them Ganassi cars just suck! That's all I can say about that right now but soon I am gonna blast away.
Reed in the car. First wreck he got thru I don't know how!This one he didn't get thru!
Sorry for the late post had to work this morning then some appointments I had anyway enjoy! Later from Florida!
Being gay isn't the easiest thing trust me ask any gay person and they all have there only story 2 tell. Yes I have a family that supports me and some great friends also but it only takes one person 2 make u feel like shit or like your no count. Listen I am sick and tired of being told I am no count when all my life I have been picked on kicked at spit on and even beat up and not only coz I was gay but because I had hearing aids or I wore glasses and then later being called fagot or queer even before I came out and being told your no count fag! Well I put up with and I took the beatings coz I knew it would get better and it did somewhat. I started this blog 2 find some good people and I have but I also found more hate why is that am I hurting anyone? Am I trying to push my life style on anyone? I don't understand why people can't just leave me alone if they don't like what I write or what I stand for then just close the page and move on why do you feel you have 2 write me and tell me I am going to hell or even worse tell me I'm no count. Thanks for making me feel so good about myself what do you want me 2 do shut this blog down delete my myspace page? Will that make you happy? Normally I just let it fly over me the hate you send me but well this time you won you got 2 me. You won.
I think today I will just say Have a Good Weekend see back here on Monday unless something surprising happens. Now get out and enjoy your weekend! Keep the emails coming for the Christmas card I got over 20 right now! If you have myspace check me out on there. Later from Florida!
Happy October Ya'll we have one more month of this election crap. I'm sure most of ya'll are tired of the ads and all the other shit that goes along with it. Saying that I also say I have picked the person I will be voting for now I have 2 be honest I wanted Hillary but it wasn't meant 2 be. So I am backing Barack Obama and Joe Biden again being honest I like Joe Biden better than Obama don't know why just do. As you will see on this blog and on my myspace page I will be doing little things to support them ads and such. Make sure you vote its important pick with your heart and vote. There is some things that McCain stands for that I don't but in all honesty I am not gonna bash him but I will say all he is another Bush just older. Now onto Palin I am gonna bash her as much as I can I don't like her don't like what she stands for I just don't like anything about her. Watch these videos about her and then think about this if McCain wins he's old will he make it 4 more years and if he don't she will be running things just think about it ok.
On another note I am surprised at the emails I got for Christmas cards I think this is gonna be a cool idea. If you haven't yet send me your address so I can get you on the list. (That means you 2 Ed) I had another idea in December any Christmas cards I get from any of you I will make a post about them and take a pic of them and put them in the post I think that's cool don't you? Now send me your address so I can get you on the list dammit haha! ryryt87@yahoo.com
Don't forget Biden and Palin debate tonight for what it's worth and I hope Joe rips her up and spits her out! Later from Tampa Bay oh yeah go Rays!
Also soon I'll a post on all the poltics going on but for now I will throw out there who I am backing coz I know some of you have ask.
Last thing I thought about before but forgot but today Cheeky put the thought back into my mind I was thinking about sending out Christmas cards to my readers maybe even get some back who knows but as a thank you type thing for being a fan of this blog for years and for being a friend when I need one. If you think you would want a Christmas card email me at ryryt87@yahoo.com with your address so I can put ya on the list you 2 Bob don't be scared I would like to send ya one. That's it for today folks make sure you click on the links and do what you can.
(yes, it does look like a weird tree!) All washed down with a chocolate martini, espresso and a single malt. Lovely.
I told the kid where he could go an change before we started he was like I can't change by myself I'm in this chair. I was like great I am gonna have to change this kid not on my list of things to do. So I go with him to the changing room and I ask him if can stand at all? He was like real shitty said no what do you think? So I told him that we could either try to get his shorts on or I could talk to his mom and turn the monitors off and he could just do the therapy in the nude I told him some of my other clients do it in the nude coz it's easier for them. He was like no I want shorts on it's bad enough that your skinny ass has to see my fat. I was shocked I am like no he didn't just say that. So I was like weight has nothing to do with it. He said for you no look at you your skinny he said look at me you think it don't matter?
I told him to me know it don't matter and it shouldn't matter to anyone else but I understand that it does. I ask him is the problem with you not walking after the accident because of your weight? He told me the the accident was because of the weight and not getting up was because of it also. He told me he was tired of being picked on by other kids and tired of not having any friends tired of being fat. I was in shocked I was thinking about myself in school and the bulling I went through I understood where this kid was coming from we were just alike in many ways bullied just different causes. I told him I totally understood how he feels I also was bullied I told him I don't know how kids can be so mean but not all of them were but the thing to do is make yourself better first and then make yourself a better person and when you get older you will see that you will be better off than any of them bully's can every be.
It's just so sad cause I feel this boy pain as most of you do I'm sure I don't know why kids are so mean I do believe that some of it's cause they way they are raised. I do also believe that kids can be raised right and still be mean I have seen it first hand. But most the time it starts at home. I did get this boy to do his therapy and by the end of it he was smiling and looking forward to coming back I also told him that he has a friend in me if he wants it. He mom was happy also said she didn't know what I said but was happy he was happy. I was wondering if I should talk to her about his weight and that its making him feel bad about himself maybe she could get him to like a weight control doctor or maybe a lapband or something. Every time I hear something like this or see something like this also brings me back to that song Don't Laugh at Me I totally believe in that song. I just wish we didn't have the bulling and hatred going on in this world. What a better world we could have!
Oh I did get an email asking how come I post different things and different times on here and myspace page well part of that questions I get the other part not sure I post different times coz I am a morning person and some of my clients like getting started early so I can get 1 or 2 of them in and them a little breath spot so I post on here and sometime in the afternoon I will post on myspace but I don't do that everyday but I think the post are kinda the same don't you? Heck I even copy and post from here on there or there and put it here but I think the post follow down the same road least I think they do. With hat question that gave me an idea I did this on myspace once so let me try it here I will open myself up 2 all of you and let you ask one question good or bad and I will answer it you have one chance so make sure the question is something you wanted 2 know that I haven't talk about before. I will make it easy if you don't want everyone else to know the question email it to me ryryt87@yahoo.com.
Reed in the car.
First wreck he got thru I don't know how!
This one he didn't get thru!
10 Years ago worse thing that could happen to a gay man happen to Matthew Shepard. I can't even put thoughts in my head what Matt was thinking that night while he was laying up there dying. I think the month of October should be Matthew Shepard month. There are many events plan across America you should attend one if you can't you should give something to Judy Matt's Mom for all the good she does for the gay community and trying to get people to understand. I will have another post about Matt later this month I just don't want people to forget I want to believe Matt died knowing his death would change many people and I think it has some but we need to change more.