Ryan's Life

Gosh hard to believe it's Friday already seems like we just started the week. Hell I'm not bitchin I'm happy me & Kadin have some plans that's why I'm up early writing this post. This time it's a secret on what and where were going I'll have my laptop so I can check in from time to time. Hey stop sometimes we need a little secret stuff going on hell most the time I tell all now don't I? I'm sure I'll details when I get back just make sure you have a good weekend and be safe watch the race Sunday pull for Reed to win it.

Later from.................haha not tellin right now just bet your money I'm naked!

I've talk about dreams before on this blog well today's post is about dreams again. Last night I had a bad dream only thing is this really did happen I just don't understand why I relived it last night. When I was a small boy back in Peachtree City Georgia I did something very bad that made my Dad so mad that he whipped me with a belt. See that's what my dream was about was getting whipped with that belt and my Dad saying this is gonna hurt me more than it does you. Ok let me say what the fuck here um Dad you wasn't the one that got the ass whippin with the belt what it do break your heart that you had to whip me? I think not all I know is it hurt and it pissed me off so much so I ran away from home. I know people big ole drama queen here whatever it pissed me off. I ran away from home I didn't go far I stayed on the property just hide where they couldn't find me. They even called the police and they were looking for me and I watched all this with my sore ass. Finally I got hungry and decided I had to go back a police officer seen me walking across the field first then he took me into my parents and Dad was like all trying to hug and shit but I wasn't having none of that. Mom ask me why and I told her cause of the belt whippin I got and I thought world war 3 was gonna start right there in out kitchen. She went off on Dad and the police even got mad at him what was funny about that was he's one of them but he left out the detail that he whipped me for being bad. I think the wrath of Mom was enough for him to handle she even threaten to pack me and her up and leave him. She told him if he ever laid a hand on me again that was it. That was the one and only time he did I mean there has been some yelling and stuff like that but he never hit me again. I think in some way me not being the man he thought I should have been has hurt us. He knows I am a mommies boy always have been always will be. The thing that still gets me is this gonna hurt me more than it does you I say bullshit.

What the hell does dreams mean anyway why I relived that?

Later from Florida!

This past weekend me and Kadin thought it would be a nice change to do something away from the house so we decided to go camping. I know most of you don't understand that part about me but I do love camping. We went up to the Sawmill Resort in Dade City it's a great place for gay couple to go they always have something going on and this weekend was no different. They had there own Mardi Gras going on and what a great time we had thank heaven we had a cabin there not as far to walk when you have too much Captain Morgan in ya! I know coming off food poisoning the last thing I need was to tie one on but hell I can't think of better reason not to. Anyway I was safe and only drove a golf cart haha that shit was funny should have been there. If you never been to the Sawmill Resort you should check it out you will have a blast there all kinds of stuff going on there all the time they have cabins for rent or you can bring your own camper. The best part is the pool area is clothes optional so yeah baby full frontal nudity haha really you can suntan in the nude or swim in the pool nude and ya'll know I love being naked so that's the best part for me. Anyhoo we had a wonderful weekend we also had time to talk and work some things out we have been dealing with and I think we made some choices Kadin knows where I stand now and I know where he stands and all I know is we want to be together. Guess that's it for now today is my first day back to work wish me luck!

Later from Florida!

update: Thanks to Martin I didn't know the links didn't work but I fixed them!

Ryan Field is a real good friend of mine and a very good author and whenever he has something new out I like to promote it a little. Here is his new baby with his permission I put a little bit in from the book. It's sexy hot so make sure you get you a copy read it then email me and we will do a post about the book. I tell ya what but the book read it send me and email let me know what you think about it and I will have Ryan send you a autograph book mark how about that! Make sure you check out his other books also! Now here is a little from the book..................

The day Terrence decided he was going to audition for a new TV reality show, he was reading the newspaper in the tanning salon where he worked as manager. It was a warm, humid Friday morning in late August, and it was exactly one year to the day since he'd buried his mother. The newspaper advertisement for the audition said all that was required was to show up at a hotel in New York City and sing.

And that was one of the two things in life Terrence knew how to do well. The other thing involved dropping his pants.

Then the front door opened wide and an attractive young man stepped into the waiting area – Terrence’s boss. He was wearing loose white hockey shorts and his large penis bounced up and down as he crossed toward the counter. He never wore underwear. His name was Kevin and he'd been Terrence’s boyfriend since high school. It was clear he wasn't having a very good day so far. His short blond hair was messy on top, there were dark circles under his eyes, and his skin looked pale. When he saw the open newspaper on the counter, he slammed a blue bank deposit bag on top of it and said,“Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you.”

Terrence slowly folded the newspaper and sighed. But he didn't reply. Kevin’s silence suggested Terrence had been slacking off that morning because he'd been reading.

“Must be interesting,” Kevin finally said. He looked down at the newspaper with steel blue eyes and placed his hands on his hips. Then he spread his muscular legs and started rocking on the balls of his feet.

“It’s nothing important,” Terrence said, rolling his eyes. He didn't want to tell Kevin about the audition. His boss would have given a million reasons why he thought he shouldn't do the show, from his lack of talent to the fact that reality television was a passing phase and wouldn't last. Even though Kevin secretly loved reality television, he couldn't wait for an open opportunity to knock Terrence down. Terrence knew full well that Kevin had sent in audition tapes and entry forms to shows like “Big Brother” and “The Bachelor.” But he'd always been rejected.

“Don't give me your shit this morning, bitch,” Kevin said, slamming the palm of his wide hand on the counter. There were deep, dark circles under his eyes and his breath smelled of stale beer.

Terrence jumped. He pressed his palm to his throat and said, “I'm not giving you attitude, Kevin. I'm just not in a great mood this morning.” But it was beginning to occur to him that whenever Kevin walked into a room, his heart started to race and his mouth felt dry.

“Oh, that time of the month again,” Kevin said, then raised his arms as though being held at gunpoint. “I'm getting sick and tired of this bullshit. Take a pill, bitch.” He slammed both great hands on the counter. Kevin loved to refer to Terrance as the feminine type; a moody “girl” with imagined monthly periods. Terrence wasn't the least bit feminine. He had short dark hair, was average in height and had a slim, well-defined body. His legs were smooth and strong and his ass rounded like a beach ball. If anyone saw him walking down the street, they wouldn't even know he was gay. But Kevin took pleasure in having him come across as prissy; as though his being effeminate would make Kevin more of a man somehow...

Have a good weekend later from Florida!

Last night we were cuddling on the sofa watching American Idol Mom was out with her sisters so it was nice just the 2 of us. Watching the show I'm really not into yet this year to be honest I fell a sleep on it. Anyway before I fell a sleep I seen Reed's & Kaseys McDonald commercial it's totally cool and the commercials for cell phones. That got me thinking I have been without a cell phone for over a week now (I got mad and threw mine and it didn't make it) long story on why I threw it just sometimes when I'm sick I can be a bitch. Well to be honest I haven't missed it like I thought I would hell I haven't missed it at all. I know I will go get another one someday but to be honest I'm in no hurry at all. People that want to get a hold of have been sending emails and I am really cool with that. So sorry cell phone people that I broke a phone and even more sorrier that I haven't ran down to buy a new.Speaking of Reed he didn't win the Daytona 500 but he did finish 9th not to bad! He did win something in Daytona though well him and his crew they won the Tissot Pit Road Precision Award. for those that don't know what that is it's for spending the least amount of time on pit road and finishes on the lead lap. So his crew won $5000 Bryan, Brett, Ed, Tony, Joel, Chris, Jeff, Mike and Brett congrats guys awesome job keep it up all year and get Reed in the chase! With California coming up I know you can do it again!Question if you could be any Wizard or Oz character what one would you be?

I do believe in spooks. I do believe in spooks. I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks.

Do you think there could be wild animals in here?
Some, but mostly lions and tigers and bears.

A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.
Later from Florida!

Each day that goes by now I feel better this is one of the worse things I think I went through. I didn't get how sick food could make you I heard about it before but to be honest I never really understood until now. Peanut butter one of my favorite things in the world and it about killed me well least it felt like it was gonna I tell ya I know my bathroom real well now! I got a funny one for ya my job I work for the state and it's a government thing for veterans well they were having a fit because I was sick and not at work. Now what's funny about this is I'm in the medical field and the government is on this peanut butter thing and they are mad at me cause I'm sick. Well you know me I went off on there asses told them fire me if your not happy and I would see them in court. Course they said just had a doctors note and things would be fine whatever all I know is there pissing me off only reason I took that job was I wanted to help the solider's coming back from Iraq but I am sure I can find another place to do my work.

Next thing I want to talk about is my feelings for Kadin. I'm not sure if it's the way I come off or if people are just being nice or maybe people trying to get a booty call. Maybe it's just me I don't know but I want to make it crystal clear that I am not looking for any hook up what so ever! I am very happy with Kadin and I would never cheat on him. I like to flirt but he knows that but I would never cross the line and hurt him in anyway. So please if your sending emails or myspace/facebook or any other ways trying to get in my pants please stop ok it's not gonna happen. I love Kadin and he loves me and we don't play and like I said before I won't hurt him so the hooking up anit gonna happen. But I'm not above exposing myself haha! Please ya'll know that anyway I am a total nudist at heart!Kyle Busch let me speak on him I felt so sorry for him this Daytona 500 I thought was sucky. It's just my thoughts maybe it was cause I was sick and couldn't be there but the build up all month long I just don't think it lived up to the hype. Kyle had the car to beat like at most races but no fault of his own he was taken out. I know the Jr nation is strong and I would say don't like me much but I don't care I think he knew what he was doing when he wreck Vickers and I think Jre was just getting back from the Talladega thing a few years ago. One thing about race car drivers they never forget they get even might take them a while but they do. Oh the funniest shit was Jr on his radio saying that if Vickers didn't like it meet him by the trailer and he would whip his ass. Please I would pay to see that Brian would kick the shit out of that redneck wanna be. Jr needs to remember he is old compare to Brian. The only reason Jr is as popular as he is cause his dad died. I'm sorry I don't like him I think he is so overrated and he will never be like his daddy and I don't think he will ever win a championship he's just not that good.

Well I think I've pissed enough people off today so I'll go until later peace!
Later from Florida!

Yeah that's right I'm mad as hell. I'm made at the peanut butter people that made me sick I'm mad as hell for missing the Daytona 500. I'm mad as hell at the rain that shorten the 500. I'm mad at the results of the 500. Yeah I'm mad as hell at Dale Jr for causing a wreck and not then not being honest about it whatever Dale Jr fans get over he anit his dad and will never be hell I say he won't ever win a championship. Yeah I know me being mad as hell at those things don't mean a damn thing to most people but it makes me feel better saying it. Now me and Kadin gonna go watch Desperate Housewives & Brothers & Sisters. I'll post more later about the 500 and the peanut butter thing later.

Don't tell me it's better to be pissed off than pissed on cause I'll have to say it depends on who's doing the pissing!

Congrats Ed!
Thanks Mikey!

Later from a wet Florida!

Hey guys sorry about the title of the post, its just Ryan being sick cause of peanut butter reminds me of the old reese cup commercials.

Anyway Ryans pissed cause he aint going to get to go to the races. His mom went down to Florida to take the car keys so he wont attempt to go.

She said he is feeling real weak but pissy so he'll be up and about real soon. Just wanted to come on and let ya'll know what's up.

I know ya'll are probably thinking what about a update on me well maybe I'll get off my ass soon and do one:)

Well ya'll heard of the peanut butter thing going around that's making people sick? My doctor is sure that is what my problem is I went in for more blood work today but he is 100% sure that's what is my problem. Yeah I love peanut butter and one of my favorite things is them peanut butter crackers. All I know is I have never had this kinda stomach thing before in my life. I won't go into details but the bathroom has been my best friend the last few days. They got me on some meds of course trying to make me better but all they do is make me tired. Anyway I just wanted to give ya'll an update and please pray for it to go away soon! It's fucking up all my plans dammit! See Laurie (Texas Mom) this is why I don't eat! haha!

Later from Florida!

I had belly cramps so bad last night I don't know if I ate something bad over the weekend or just trying to get sick either was I was up and down all night. Poor Kadin he got up with me every time I told him go back to sleep I will be alright but he wouldn't he stayed with me until they stopped. I bet I was up about 5 times last night with it damn I've had cramps before but nothing like that before. So far today my stomach seems ok just hurts from the cramps last night I sure hope it's over with. Already got my first hater on facebook that didn't take long I don't know why they seem to follow me don't they have anything else better to do. I already locked him out of being my friend but still why bother I just don't understand that but least I can control it on there.

Saturday nights bud shootout was fun to watch poor Reed lost an engine but when he was running he was doing good. I just hope that's not the start of his season with blowing engines. I wasn't happy that Kevin won I am not a fan of his never have been he's just to cocky for me but whatever right? Tony did ok for a new team I know I'm not a Tony fan either but leaving the 20 team and starting your own is a big step but then again his power is coming from Hendrick so you kinda knew he would do good. Poor Joey got wreck out for no fault of his but if you listen to that damn Jimmy Spencer you would think Joey is the worse driver ever. I think Jimmy Spencer is just mad coz he was never that good as a driver ever and Joey has more telnet in his pinky than Jimmy has in his whole body.
Anyway that's it for today folks later from Florida!

Woke up this morning not feeling 100% now im feeling worse gonna take a nap maybe im just tired I hope. Was gonna do a longer post but maybe I can later. Please forgive this short post.

Later from Florida!

Ok you can follow me now on all kinds of stuff if you want.
Im on Twitter
Also on Facebook
And Myspace
If you have any of these please ad me I would love to be your friends on them networks!

Have a good weekend!

Ok thought I would just wish everyone a peaceful weekend safe & fun too! Thanks again for all the support, emails, comments and cards on the passing of my Grandma. It's still hard I know it takes time and the advice from ya'll I'll take as much time as I want for grieving I love her and miss her really bad. But this weekend I am gonna remember all the things she did to make me happy and laugh I think she would want that. Also I wanted to tell those that don't know but I am on twitter now also myspace (links to find my twitter and myspace on the right------> I was thinking about facebook what ya'll think about facebook anybody have it? Let me know what you think about it love it hate give me your input thanks!

Don't forget Budweiser shootout Saturday night 8pm on fox Reed drew 3rd don't forget his new number is 43 his sponsor for this race will be McDonalds please for me pull for him to win it!Later from Florida!

UPDATE: I started a facebook account the link is on the side ----> Add me I'm still working on it but add me anyway!

Today is my buddy's birthday wow what an old man at the old age of 23 come on now wish him a Happy Birthday I will make sure he gets them!

Let's all say Go Reed Go 43!!!

Later from Florida!

I'm sitting here this morning drinking my forth cup of coffee thinking about getting some clothes on and thinking about the last 2 weeks. It's been such a long time since someone I knew personally has passed away. I think I was a kid and a cousin was killed in a car wreck I didn't remember much from that but I think that was they last time I went to a funeral. I tried so hard to get to my Grandma before she passed but I just couldn't make it. Her funeral was very hard to go through I was in a daze for most of it. Were not very close with most of the family with my Dad being from England and wasn't very much liked by a bunch of redneck backwood country folks. Then there is me being gay didn't go over with them very well either. So we haven't been close with the rest of the family that well. There are a few that we are close with that have love and respect no matter what.

My Grandma would come down and stay with us for months at a time when I was kid and I just enjoyed her being around so much I remember her homemade breakfast gravy and we use to cover are tomatoes with it. Hey don't knock it until you tried it friend bologna and onions sandwich's for breakfast I think she was the only person that could get me to eat I'm gonna miss that. There is so much about her I'm gonna miss and I know it takes time but it still hurts and I'm just not ready to tell her bye yet. I'm being selfish aren't I? I can't help it I didn't get as much time with her as the other grandkids did and that pisses me off. Just because I was different and chose not to live a lie I felt I was punished in some way by not having her around me more. I know she was the last straw that kinda held this family together and we may never see any of that family anymore and that don't make me sad at all I fell them being like they are has takin a lot away from me all cause I was honest.

Sorry I don't mean to drop all this on you readers but I just got to get these feelings out of my head so I can get a true nights sleep. Ya'll have been great and help me through this more than you know.

Thanks!

Later from Florida!