A Week Later

It's been a week and I still can't believe it. I am a mess I know she is in a better place now but just seems so unreal to me. I'm angry at myself cause I didn't get there quick enough I didn't get to say goodbye something I have to deal with. Please for give me if I don't post for a while I just need time. Thanks for the emails and comments they mean the world to me more than I can say on here.

Grandma, I didn't get a chance
To tell you my goodbye.
God took you very suddenly
Sadly, I don't know why.

I thought of you with love today,
But that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday,
And days before that too.

I think of you in silence,
I often speak your name.
All I have are memories,
And your picture in a frame.

Your memory is my keepsake,
With which I'll never part.
God has you in his keeping,
I have you in my heart.

To Kadin

I never knew the power of a song
until I heard the music playing the day Grandma passed on
I never knew what innocence was about
till the first time I laid eyes on the face of a new-born child
I never knew love
no, I mean real love
I never knew that kind of love
till this moment with you

To Mikey

In a friendship
we're free to expose,
Parts of ourselves
nobody else knows.

The thing that sustains it,
and sets it apart,
Is not something spoken,
'tis a bond of the heart.

True friends are rare,
in a lifetime two or three,
I'm so glad it happened,
between you and me!

Thanks for taking care of things for us Mikey the farm the animals, the blog everything else you have done. A true friend to our family!

Thanks again everyone for the comments and emails just give me some time and I'll write you back.
14 Responses
  1. elise Says:

    Beautiful thoughts and words, Ryan----I know you will work through your feelings and find a sense of peace. Come back and share with us when you are ready.

    love and hugs...

  2. A Lewis Says:

    Right here for you, big boy. Loving you, thinking of you.

  3. Firethorne Says:

    Ryan - Just stumbled across your blog and saw the news about your Grandma. My deepest sympathy to you.

    I was lucky enough to have three of my grandparents with me well into my adulthood (I'm 49 now) - my mother's mom passed away just a couple of years ago.

    As sad as I am that they're gone, I'm also grateful to have had them for such a long time. The sting of loss lessens after a time even if the missing doesn't. I look at my sister's grandchildren and see them interacting with my sister AND with both my parents and I know precisely what kind of memories are being made and that makes me happy for all of them.

    Blessings to you and your family.

  4. naturgesetz Says:

    Those are beautiful poems, Ryan.


  5. Anonymous Says:

    Oh Ryry, your Grandma knew she was loved and loved by you. She is still with you in spirit and on the wind. My Indian heritage has taught me that those with a strong spirit like your Grandma can never die. If you listen with your heart you will hear her and feel for her on every wind that blows. She is waiting on the other side. ed

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Take all the time you need, Ryan. I'm very sorry to hear about your Grandma. Take care of yourself.

  7. ryan field Says:

    You're probably still in shock, so take as much time as you have to take.

  8. Laurie Says:

    Take all the time you need
    Sweetheart...You know that she
    knows you loved her and you also
    know she doesn't want you to be

    I love you TONS!!!!!!


  9. ryan field Says:

    The link looks good. I wish I had half the talent you have for doing things like that.

  10. Tim Says:

    Don't kick yourself to hard Ryan, it's not your fault and it's nothing you could have prevented. Remember the good times don't dwell on the bad. I've lost three of my four grandparents and it's never easy but thats why it's important to build up good memories when you have a chance and accept that no one will be there forever.

  11. Anonymous Says:

    Take your time and take care of the important things in life.

  12. Angel Says:

    Wow, again you suprise me with how good you are at expressing yourself through poetry, I actually started crying abit ^_^. Im also glad you still have mikey in your life. Mikey is one hulluva guy and I am glad hes a good friend of your family. These are the times that test our faith and our courage and the only thing you can do is grieve and let it all out ryan. Trust me, it helps. I had to learn the hard. In anycase I am glad your taking time away from the blog and the internet and just grieving. Im here if you need me my little soldier.

    Love, Peace, and kisses.


  13. You just take all the time you need sweetheart. Loss is HARD. Big hugs and you are on my heart this week-end!

  14. Dana Fredsti Says:

    Ryan, found you via Ryan on Ravenous. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother and I empathize. My dad's mom died in the hospital and no one called me until after the fact even though I was only a couple hours away. Warm hugs and sympathy.