Thoughts of You

Isn't it funny how something can happen in your everyday life that reminds you of something in your past? Here lately it's been happening to me a lot. I have come to terms with my Grandma passing a couple years ago but I still haven't come to terms of me not making it back in time to say goodbye I don't know if I ever will.

I been thinking about her a lot lately seems like I see someone who looks a little like her or hear a song or see her favorite flowers I even smelled her perfume the other day at the store this lady was wearing it. It just made me really sad I had to leave and went and sit in the car and just cried. Then out of no where I felt this calm like she was there with me.

I know people will think I'm crazy and who knows I may be but I know what I felt. It was a calm that only she could bring to me and I felt it a few times since she passed. I told Kadin and he told me it wasn't crazy at all that my Grandma was still watching over me and is my Angel. Least I have someone who believes me all I know is I really miss her and the hurt hasn't went away and I don't think it ever will.

10 Responses
  1. Bret Says:

    I agree that I don't think any amount of time really evers heals that kind of pain. I know it is my Mom that gets to me. Like you say the smell of a perfume or just something that reminds you of them can get you everytime.

    No your not crazy when you feel that she was there with you. I believe this also.

    Thanks for the post.

  2. jaygeemmm Says:

    You sound very normal to me, Ryan. Grief doesn't necessarily go away in a set amount if time, especially when the person you miss was someone as special as your grandma. I feel the same way about my mother, and its been 111years. Don't get down on yourself or let anyone tell you there is anything wrong with feeling sad when something triggers your feelings. I'm pretty sure she would be proud of you and happy that she is still in your memories.
    Peace <3

  3. naturgesetz Says:

    It's good that you remember her, and it's good that you feel her presence.

    Maybe the hurt will never go away, or maybe it will gradually hurt less. But certainly your love for her and her love for you will never go away.

    God bless both of you.

  4. elise Says:

    I have also experienced this, Ryan, concerning my mom. She's been gone 13 years now. I miss her everyday, and many sights, sounds and smells trigger strong memories.

    And I really do feel her presence sometimes, when I'm feeling something extreme like pain or stress. I don't try to understand it---it's just part of my life.

    Also------I hope that you find a way to forgive yourself for not being with grandma at the end. I'm going thru a similar thing regarding a very special uncle who passed a year ago April. I wish I had the answers for both of us.

    much love and hugs, elise

  5. James Says:

    Ryan, I never say goodbye to loved ones. I say see you on the other side of Heaven. they never really left me. I have them in my memories.. and smells like you said of that perfume... Kadin is right she is there for you when you need her and pokes you when yu need it too. :)

  6. FOGGY Says:

    My Mom left in 2003, and I felt that I was remiss in caring for her during those final years. It filled me with sadness and guilt.

    One night, I had the most VIVID dream of my life. My Mom was standing at the doorway of an apartment. She looked so much younger - probably in her late 30's. She had long, dark, wavy hair combed back; wearing a dark blue dress with white polka dots, and had on a pair of those black plastic teardrop-shaped glasses of the early 1960's era. She stood there with open arms and the biggest smile ever. I went up to her, and gave here the biggest hug. I was crying as she held onto me - still smiling.

    I woke up, and there were tears in my eyes. I knew at that moment, that my Mom still loved me, and that SHE knew I loved her. The sorrow and guilt left me; replaced with a warmth and comfort that only moms can bring.

    I believe your Grandmother was telling you the same thing, and you responded to her in kind.

    ......A wonderful story from a wonderful person. Thank you, Ryan. You 'made my day'.......

    .............. "FOGGY" <3........

  7. Mind Of Mine Says:

    A smell can bring me right back down memory lane, its is the biggest trigger in the brain to past events. This must be especially difficult for people who are grieving

  8. jimm Says:

    Ryan, cherish what your Gramma cherished. Its a good way to 'carry on' the previous generation.

  9. ryan field Says:

    Ryan, you only start missing them more as time goes by. And that's not a bad thing either. You don't want to forget :)

  10. Anonymous Says:

    The only way to not hurt or miss sombody when they die is not to love them. That would be an awful way to live. I miss my Dad on this Fathers day. He has been gone for over 2 years. I will never again send him a fathers day card or hug his neck. I will never hear his voice. I will never hear him yell at the TV when his baseball team is losing. I will never forget him. Tell your dad you love him while he's still there. Ted