The Wind of Change

What I'm going to post I'm sure will piss a lot of people off but I have to be me and I have to be honest. I'm going to talk about me being gay and going to pride and what happen and why I got so pissed off. I wasn't being true to myself and I was trying to create this person that I wasn't and it took me going to pride to understand it.

See I been to pride events before last year in St Pete the 2 years before that Atlanta's Pride hell I even been to a couple in Sarasota but none of them hit me like this one did this year. I was all gear up and super excited for it to get here and when it finally did I was like super happy to get there see some old friends and meet some new ones.

Going over the skyway bridge I felt something in my stomach wasn't sure what it was but I felt something. We got there and got out of the truck now its like 8:15 in the morning and people are drinking already rainbow stuff everywhere half naked guys walking around this should be a great pride.

Before we even got out of the parking lot this old troll was already hitting up on my little brother he seem drunk from the night before. After a few minutes of go away you old troll nobody wants you here take your drunk ass and go back under the bridge he finally went away. Now my brother can handle himself he has a black belt but last thing I want is him kicking the shit out of some old dude.

Get to a nice spot so we could see the parade and I'm just watching people thought it was going to rain still filling something in my stomach wasn't sure what it was. A few people we were going to meet up there showed up and we were talking for a little bit and more people showed up and they treated us like we were bother to them. So we just moved to another location.

Then the parade started and it was going great I was standing there in my underwear with a drink in my hand and it hit me like a ton of brinks why I had that feeling in my stomach. It was like I was standing outside myself and looking at me and everyone else I could see everything and for once I didn't like what I seen.

It wasn't me it's not the Ryan everyone knows and loves I was trying to be somebody I wasn't and I didn't see it until I step out of myself and what I seen I didn't like and to be honest pissed me right the fuck off. When I came back to myself I touched Kadin and said lets go. He ask if something was wrong I said yeah there is this all of this anit me!

Tomorrow will be the rest of the story with what this all means and what happen when I stopped at the flamingo and why things will change!

6 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Ryan, I feel the same way. I've been to the LA Pride parade, and while it's kind neat in that our community has a chance to express itself in public, it's not me either. I'm not into the bar scene or any of it, but I respect the right of other gay people to express themselves. What I don't understand is why it upset you so much? I can understand being upset about the guy hitting on Ty, but otherwise I'm kinda confused. I hope you'll explain more in the next post.
    Also, glad you came away from the accident ok - that could have been really serious. Texting and driving just don't mix.
    AZ Denny

  2. Doug Says:

    I am glad everything is ok. sometimes we learn more more about ourselves as we grow older and mature. it is just part of life. I am looking forward to the rest of the story.

  3. t.j. Says:

    i had the same feeling when i went to pride the first time...yea i enjoyed myself but it was not me..i dont mind goi n to clubs now and then but i rather be living my life trying to make it better for myself than wasting time tryin to party

  4. Mark_Slough Says:

    Must be awesome to attend a pride event in the USA, We have many here in UK but I guess they are all small compared to the Pride events across the pond. Well that was an amazing state of affairs Ryan, as usual it come straight from ya heart. Best wishes matey.

  5. naturgesetz Says:

    What Doug said.

    It's great when we realize who were are and who we aren't. Congrats.

    I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.

  6. Troy Says:

    I'd have to say I mostly agree. But some guys are just effeminate. Thats just the way they are.

    Also, I think Pride parades hurt, more than help our cause.