Surgery went well I was scared when I went in even though I been though it before this time I had more time to think about it and I think I just let my mind scare me. Like I said the surgery went well they let me rest the day of the surgery but the next day they had me up and by Friday I was home. I'm still sore and there is a little pain but all in all I'm good. Therapy so far is going great and everyone seems happy with how well I'm doing I just decided I wasn't going to let this get me down.

Reason I wanted to post today is cause of the hate. I don't get it and I guess I never will. I've been blogging for years and have had people hating on me since day one. Most come and go and others seem to stick around and take there hits when they can. When I started controlling the comments the hate seem to stop but then I started facebooking and it was a new outlet for some of those haters. I would block the haters but they would start other profiles and keep on hating.

While I was away getting my knee replaced they took me being away as a way to get there hits in. Most the time I don't let them get to me but sometimes you just can't help to get mad and pissed off. I got emails that I turn over to my dad cause to me they were hate. I got things like I hope you lose your leg I hope the doctor makes a mistake and you die even one that said hope he slips and cuts your dick off since you want to had a guy fuck you. I just don't get this really the hate cause a person is just being who they are. Sometimes it makes me wonder why I keep on blogging or facebooking. Sometimes I want to walk away from it all but I know if I do then they win and the bothers me the most.

16 Responses
  1. farseer Says:

    we may never see the end to such hate, but by not letting in, by fighting and going on, we at least win a small victory against those that hate us. It lifts my heart and spirit to hear that the surgery went well for you

  2. Bobby Alpy Says:

    Walking away is often the best way to handle it...but we are men after all and i think sometimes people think that being gay is akin to being a coward.Sometimes Ryan,you have to be the bad guy and lower the boom or you might as well paint a target on your back.I learned very young that words hurt alot more than sticks and stones and at some point i snapped and just stopped taking it.I don't blog like you do,but i know that many people enjoy your thoughts and it's easy for a coward to talk smack from behind his laptop.Keep it up and maybe karma will deliver one of these pricks to you for a bit of justice someday:O)...glass half full and all.

  3. Aaron Says:

    Ryan, you've battled this battle many many times ... this facet of human stupidity will never change. Never. It'll be up to you how much you pay attention to it and whether you'll be able to learn to let it go.

  4. lauradeth Says:

    It's always hard to ignore hate and when people keep hitting and hitting it's even hard to keep your defence up.

    For every person that spreads hate, there's a 100 people who stand in your corner and support you. I'm one of them, even though I've only recently started following your blog.

    I hope you and your new knee keep getting stronger! x

  5. ryan field Says:

    You have more people who love you than hate you :)

    And I think all bloggers get a certain amount of hate. I have to leave my comment moderation on all the time. I wish I didn't. But you should see some of the hate comments I get.

    I'm just glad you sound so good and you're feeling better now. Don't pay attention to the hate comments and mail. There are some people online who are emotionally unbalanced and they take advantage of the safety of expressing themselves online.

  6. elise Says:

    My dear Ryan----The Haters are small, weak, screwed-up people. They may try to talk big and loudly, but they are outnumbered by the rest of us--the Lovers!

    Love triumphs over Hate. You know it, I know it, and all your real blog and Facebook friends know it.

    Keep on healin' and try to ignore those pissant douchebags!

    Love Rules!

  7. Teddytoy Says:

    Ryan.. Hate mail is a form of Cyber-bullying. These people are usually mentally off and are trying to get your attention. I found a site that has some of the best ideas on how to deal with it ... http://urban75.org/info/bullying.html
    We here all love you and support you 100%. I've had a web site for 17 years ... while the hate mail has been rare ... it does happen. If you follow some of the ideas on that site it may help.

  8. naturgesetz Says:

    I think people who send hate messages are similar to gay-bashers. They don't do it face to face, but their minds are the same. And we know that for many, probably most, of them, the reason they are so upset is that it is a defense mechanism to let them stay in denial. Somewhere, deep down in their unconscious minds, they think they might be gay, and the hate is their pathetic way of trying to tell themselves that they aren't.

    In other words, these haters are mostly gay people in denial.

    So they say you're going to hell. What do they know about it? Just do what you believe is right.

    So they wish for bad things to happen to you. They can't make it happen. Just live the life you really have.

    I've never had that sort of hatred come at me, so I don't know how it feels, but I hope you can come to realize that these people don't know you and don't really matter.

    Hang in there.

  9. naturgesetz Says:

    Also, I'm glad the surgery went well, and the recovery is also proceeding well.

  10. Anonymous Says:

    I don't understand why anyone would say such mean and horrible things to you well I support you

  11. David Says:

    Ryan I for one love and support you. I have told you several times what your blog means to me. I would hope you continue your blog and facebook but I will understand if and when the time comes for you to depart. The hate does get to you. Some similiar experiences hhave been mine recently where I thought some friends turned around and stabbed me in the back and I have been called some hateful things and condemned. It is hard! Just know Ryan like one comment read that you have more love than haters!

  12. mary gresham Says:

    Ryan, you already know how I feel about this from my comments on previous posts, as well as my emails to you. The people who do this shit are small minded bigots. And the others are right, if you let it get to you, they win. And none of us want that to happen. Imagine what it would be like if they did and everyone gave in to them.
    I know it is never easy to ignore these people and you shouldn't, simply for your own safety. Continue what you are doing, give the threatening ones to your dad and continue being just you because there are those of us who love you for that and that will never change. Stay safe and stay well and never doubt that we will have your back, no matter what.

  13. Anonymous Says:

    Jeez, but it figures - cowards take their potshots while someone is down. You're a brave guy, because you DO put it all out there. And we love you for it. You are inspiration for a lot of us who continue to struggle in the closet, and see that young gay guys can have a great life.

    Remember, the online bullies can't really hurt you. They can spew their words, but hey, the delete button works GREAT!

    Love ya, Ryan, and super happy the rehab is going well. (And if you hadn't been scared, then I'd call you a liar!)

    Peace <3

  14. Gino Phan Says:

    I have started reading your blog and I would have to say is "KEEP IT GOING" buddy. With what your doing. We live in a country where you can speak your mind. Don't let NOBODY put you down. You have family and a bf that LOVES and CARES for you. And people who support you as well as be your friend

  15. Jay ross Says:

    Ryan, there are far more - many times more - people that love you.
    Haters are so insecure with their own lives. Sick and many beyond help so ignore them and keep being you. I love you as do a great many and we stand with you.

  16. CreamedHoney Says:

    There's a certain portion of the population who are just certified crazy. Best to ignore them.

    We want to send out positive healing vices and hope your recovery is a speedy one