Sissy Boy

Normally I write post and send them 2 Mikey for him 2 check and fix 4 me coz I write and spell different then most people who read this blog and I didn't want u 2 think I was Georgia hick or something. This time I am posting it just the way I write it. Maybe it will show some of these people that there r 2 or us. This thing is making me sick I know I shouldn't let it eat at me like I do but the way I was raised I think might work against me. Honesty was a big thing in my house growing up and still is I guess I believe in people until they did something 4 me not to believe in them anymore. Trust is another big 1 growing and I trusted people sometime when I shouldn't and got burned.

Last year this same topic came up and the year b4 that and now here it is again. I may ramble on a bit in this post so bare with me. Let me start out by saying some people that read this blog knows this story but those who don't the very first blog I had was called boy in atlanta I had maybe 8 months when people trashed it out so I delete it. I loved writing 2 much 2 stay away so I started another blog called boy on boy again last year bout this time getting trash called a lair and a fake I said fuck it im done I walked away. Mikey ask me to join this blog at first I didn't want to coz I do like writing so I said ok honey ill join your blog. So here I am brings you up to date somewhat.

Now I have been blogging 4 about 2 years now. Like I said some of you came from them other blogs. If I was anything these people accused me of don't you think after 2 years I would have fucked up by now? Living a 2 year lie with out a mistake come on people that would take someone who was very good and made a job out of lying don't you think? But every year seems like when the blog either mine or this 1 finally takes off someone wants to knock it down. Is it me? Am I that hated that someone wants to keep me down? I tried to be as open as I can but after the last go around I said right up front I would not be talking about my family much I wasn't giving anybody anything they could use for blackmail. But I was honest with ya'll about that.

Now this blog is causing me and Mikey troubles. We have done nothing but fight and fight over the phone to the point all I could do is cry myself to sleep. I want to walk away forever and just come a blimp in your blog memory. He don't want me to he knows how I like to write and how good I am at putting my feeling on paper. I tried 2 tell him after a while your feeling r out there they get hurt so bad that u want to hide them or take them and jump in front of a truck or jump off a building with them. He got mad when I talked that. He thinks if I stop writing they win they got what they wanted and makes us look like were hiding something. I tried 2 tell him I don't give a fuck what they think! So right now the trip is off 2 c him unless we can work this out kinda hard 2 work things out when I can't stop crying.

When I was growing up I know some of u heard this b4 from the other blogs but I was a small kid still am really but I always got pick on coz I was the smaller kid I guess u could say I was bullied a lot by other kids called names such as fag, sissy boy, queer and much worse sometimes I knew these words were said to me 2 b little me even tho I didn't know what they meant at the time. They still hurt anyway. I would come home from school with bruise marks on my arms and legs Mom said what happen I lied said fell down playin I didn't want my parents 2 know the other kids hit me made fun of me and I was a sissy boy. So I would hide in my room and didnt have many friends until later in life.

The puter open new doors 4 me and gave me something I long 4 friends! I talked 2 people on there they seemed 2 care about what I was saying they never called me names. I found a blog 1 day and thought how cool I already write and have a ton of jounals this could b a way 2 make even more friends. This was a good thing 4 me even tho things in school got a little better when I got into sports but still I wasn't the kid anyone wanted 2 hang with I was stange 2 them coz I was quiet I guess I learn in grade school 2 keep 2 myself or get beat up. So I trusted people on the net and yes been burn a few times and I blame myself. I also learn how 2 fight back 2 some degree on here but there is always that part of me that wants 2 run and hide and thats what I want 2 do now. This time they not only pushed me but what blogger friends I had 2. They been going around commenting as me say bad things or just sending emails out saying who knows what. I just want 2 hide.

I have more 2 say but later I just want 2 crawl up on my bed and cry.

Sad in Atlanta
1 Response
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