Should I?

I am having a good time here in Florida I missed my friends from down here. I haven't been feeling the best last couple days just hope I'm not catching a cold. The flu was running wild over at the track just my luck it ran right into me. Well I need some help I already talked 2 Mikey but I want 2 get your thoughts on this. A few years ago I had a lesbian couple ask me to help them make a baby I decided back then it wasn't a good idea for me at the time. Well a couple me and Mikey know down here ask me yesterday if I would and I told them I would think about it and let them know. What do ya'll think? They did tell me when and if me and Mikey wanted kids they would help us out I have no doubt they would I just need some input on this. Also my interview is up on Best Gay Blogs I think you should go read it leave a comment or 2 it's a side of me ya'll haven't see much and I open up a lot in the interview so go check it out. Damn I miss Mikey!

15 Responses
  1. Carl Says:


    That is such a huge decision. Before you consider it, you really need to talk with a lawyer to protect your rights.

    If you don't have a legally binding contract, you could be looking at disaster. Situtaions change all the time and so do people.

    No matter how much you trust someone, protect yourself.

    I can bet there are issues sround this that you have not even thought about or considered. Again, you need to protect yourself.

  2. Anonymous Says:

    Gee Ryry, would this require you to put little Ryan into a Va-Jay-Jay? Yuck, that would be bad, if Mikey is like me he won't want it around him after it's been down tha dark hole. I think a clinic can take sperm from you and inseminate the female without you having to see her naked.
    This would be a life long commitment. Talk it over with Mikey and if he is perfectly okay with it and you're absolutly sure it won't affect what you guys have then take Carl's advice and sign a contract. If the girl refuses to sign it then you'll know why she hasn't found another sperm donor before this. Look out for yourself Ryan, then if you become a father I know you'll be the best one ever. hugs, Ed

  3. sillyboi Says:

    Ryan.. This blog and questions are tough. I personally wish I could have kids. I love them and would love to be a father. I know you and Mikey would make great fathers from what I know about the two of you.. But It is a life long commitment not only to yourself, but also to your child. It bears alot of burden and I know that you will make the correct decisions in everything. My deepest and honest opinion is that I personally dont think right now is the best time for it. You are young Ryan and that has nothing to do with my decisions on this matter. Mikey is still in school getting his degree and you are working, why not wait a lil while and think it over and over until you weigh the pro's and con's. I love you and know that whatever the decision is I will support you in anyway I can..

    Ryan, I've known you for some time now and I realize that there are times in everyones life that gets down, but specially in gay teens or adults. The feeling of being outcasted as being abnormal or diseased and it makes me completely sick to feel that way. I myself get down on me, feel like I am worthless that I am no good to anyone. It seems that one failure leads to another and there is no end in site for it. I guess it doesnt help that I get told everyday that I need to lose weight and it starts to wear you down and eventually you snap. Go into depression and feels like you can not escape it. I personally just push forward with life knowing that I do more good alive then I would if i was dead. More to life than to succomb to death and suicide and I am glad and proud to call you a great friend. You have helped me out in so many ways with your writings and I am so honored to call you a friend. Thanks for everything that you have done to help me Ryan.

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Let me answer this for you son..... NO!
    Neither of you are ready for something like this.
    Someday in the future maybe but not now.
    So the answer is NO NO NO!

    Your mother!

  5. Patti Says:

    First off I hope you feel better sweetie.
    Secondly that is a HUGE decision and there are alot of legal ramifications as well. Look at those and think hard and long okay? Hugs to you in making the right decision for you. I had a lesbian friend who married a gay man so they could both remain in the Army (back in the 70's). There were alot of behind-the-scenes stuff and drama.

    P.S. I think "anonymous" has serious issues *frown*

  6. Patti Says:

    oops I see he signed his name "ed" at the bottom. Anyhoo...........

  7. elise Says:

    Dear Ryan--Please take care of yourself--if you are getting sick, don't mess around--get to the doctor--it sucks, but you know all too well how fragile you are.

    As for the baby question, I have to agree that this is not the right time for you to be taking such a huge step.

    I am certain that no matter what you would agree to with the birth mother, or what it might say in a contract, you would have a very tough time just donating your sperm and walking away. This would be your child--forever. I see all sorts of potential conflicts, and complicatons, and heartache, and you are just not ready to deal with that right now.

    You and Mikey are just re-starting your lives together--you need to focus all of your love and attention on that.

    There are also lots of legal issues, but I think the emotional issues are significant enough to stop you from doing this.

    Maybe in the future---I sure could see you and Mikey having kids, and perhaps even be a sperm donor for friends, but you have plenty of time for that.

    You are such a sweet and generous soul--I'm not at all surprised that your friends would ask you to do this, and that you would consider it.

    I am so glad you have asked for advice!!!

    Take care, sweetie!!!

  8. D-Man Says:

    This is a big one, Ryan. I have two friends who have done it for lesbian couples and they don't regret it one bit. In fact, at the caucus my friend went over and talked to this young man for a few minutes and then came back to me and said, "Oh, that's my biological..." When I looked closely I realized that he was an exact carbon copy, and even stood exactly like his bio dad.

    Both of my friends were older when they did it, however. They were both OK with not being a major part in their bio-children's lives, and they were OK with the fact that things could happen and they may never be able to see them. If it turned out that there would be no contact they were just happy that they could help a loving couple fulfill their dream of having children. My friend said, "Hey, it all just gets wasted on my belly anyway..."

    These are the things you need to think carefully about. Can YOU deal with the fact that you may just be a sperm donor and may have a limited (if any at all) place in this child's life?

    And by the way, after years of failed insemination and fertility treatments, my one friend just jerked in the next room, sucked it up in a long syringe (the kind without a needle, of course), and then gave it the ladies who 'did the rest'. Bingo, instantly pregnant on first try! Same method worked for the second baby, too!

  9. Durand Says:

    Just my humble opinion -- I say wait. Serious legal issues involved. Wait a few years before making that kind of lifelong decision. Everything changes.

  10. Laurie Says:

    HEY! Only I'm supposed to have
    y'alls baby! j/k.

    That is a big step. Things aren't
    as black and white as they seem to
    be when it comes to that.
    That is some thing that we need
    to talk about though.
    Also, I told you, you better
    not get sick! I'll have to come
    there and take care of you. But
    really, you may just need to be
    home with your man and let him
    take care of you. We don't need
    you in the hospital again.


  11. Polt Says:

    Firstly, I hope you're not catching the flu either...I've been fighting it for a week now.

    Secondly, about the baby. About 13 years ago, I had a lesbian couple ask me the same thing. And I told them I needed to think about it too. With them, though, they broke up before I got back to them, so in that case, I guess it's good I didn't.

    i think you need to talk to your parents about this, especially your father, who seems to have a way with legal things. Find out any legal aspects of it well before you decide anything. I think you should talk to you family because 1) they're so accepting of you and 2) this affects them as well. This will be thier relative too.

    After talking it over with them, and MIkey some more, I know you'll come to the right decision for you.


  12. Anonymous Says:

    First things first, Get to feeling better very soon.

    Now, the BIG question. In my opinion, I think there are huge questions that you need legal advice to attain a good answer to this issue. Are you going to attain parental rights? Are you going to have any obligation of child support payments? Are you going to be paid a stud fee ( I bet you are a hot young stud too! )?

    At your point in history and age, I would recommend waiting till later when you're a bit more established and capable of taking on the unexpected challenges of fathering a child.

    Now, it's just my opinion. No offense intended, hope none taken!


  13. Lewis Says:

    Looks like you've received well substantiated advice from many, so I won't dwell on it. It's a much larger decision than "I'll think about it." It's pretty far out there. Legal issues could be huge. Having read through your comment, it can be an amazing proposition. I have several friends who have been involved in the process one way or the other.

  14. Tim Says:

    short answer no, you have no idea of the emotional impact that would have and honestly I don't think you are ready. wait a bit and do it later if at all.

  15. Chuck Says:

    Hey Dude, you need to go watch a very early episode of Doogie Howser, MD. A very attractive-for-the-mid-80s lady doctor asks teenage (played-by-a-faggot-as-it-turns-out) Dr. Howser if he'd like to plant his seed in her fertile garden row, just for grins, because she's too dominating or something and can't sustain a relationship with a real man.

    I jest, I jest :) But nonetheless, Doogie looks at the situation and realizes that making life is an incredible commitment, legal things aside. Even if you were assured you had no responsibility for that child, Ryan, wouldn't you be drawn in to that kid's life?

    There are lots of kids who need good homes, and I realize adoption laws are wonky and everything... I don't know what's best for the people who want to have your baby-makers :) But I do have the same concerns a lot of people on this thread do... you're exposing yourself to a ton of risk and responsibility, let alone the emotional attachment, in making a life. My gut says noooooo...