Ryan's Life

Dinner with dad last night was great I think it was overdue and needed very much. Most gay boys are close to there moms than the dads this is true for me. It seem like there was always something just not right with me and dad always a distance it seemed. When I was a boy he would try to play with me but he would get upset if I cried and he would say man up boy. I remember this maybe it infected me as a teen I don't know but I remembered. I also would remember he would tell mom stop babying him your gonna make a sissy out of him. Ya'll know the story about me and birth coming too soon and not suppose to make it I think mom did baby me too much. I was her gift and was her only one she could never have more.

Your thinking what about your brother & sister those that have read my blog for the past 5-1/2 years know the answer to this question. I also think it has hurt are relationship don't get me wrong I love my brother & sister but when it all went done it wasn't a pretty thing. Now I am so glad that I have them and would die for them. I use to think maybe the feelings I had about me and dad not close had something to do with him being from England but I drop that after spending many of summers over there with my grandparents. I found out that he wasn't close with his father either and they fought all the time.Of course after I came out things between me and him became more apart then ever before. But after talking to him last night I come to understand a lot and I understand he loves me and being didn't change that. I think he realize how much I was hurt over him leaving me and mom for a while and finding out about siblings he didn't know how much that hurt until last night. I also realize it's been him telling mom to let the chains loose a little. I finally see how much he loves me and what he wants for me and realize I am a brat but I'm his brat. There was just so much we talked about most of it I really just want to keep to myself coz it meant so much to me though I did want to share a little with ya!

I guess either people are strapped for cash or people just don't like to read. I didn't get many hits on read it forward. I have a few people interested in it. Also my buddy Ryan Field is going to be apart of it and will have a list of books. I know money is tight but postage is all that your paying and really not paying that cause you get a book back. Anyway if your interested let me know. Also anybody have To Kill a Mockingbird and want to trade for one of my books or just want to send it to me let me know cause if not I'm gonna order it on amazon.com.

Later!