Coming Out / Pride Story

I think Aaron found me through my Brother's blog when he was blogging. Aaron told me about this open gay singer Vin Fischer and I listen to his music and just loved it. I did a post about Vin and he was so nice and let everyone know about my blog. So Aaron wrote me said he had a story and wanted to share and I was cool we all would love to hear it. Check out Aaron's facebook page so in Aaron's own words............

I was raised an Irish catholic. I went to catholic schools my whole life. I was pretty much a nerd/outcast through school so never really thought about my sexuality much because I never had a girl interested in me, lol. However, as I got older I noticed that I thought more and more about the guys in my classes when I would take "personal" time. Well being a good little catholic I just buried it and suppressed. When I had fantasies about the boys in my class I told myself, it was just me being jealous of them and wanted to be them etc. My Jr. Year in high school I decided I had a calling and applied to my diocesan office to enter the seminary after my senior year. I was accepted and life was complete. Yeah right! Lol senior year passed and I had formed friendships with the people in the youth to youth retreat team in my area. We became a close-knit family and I enjoyed having friends. My senior year ended and I went to the seminary the following fall.
All my "troubles" started the first day when I meet "brad". Damn he was so good looking just my type, dirty blond hair, green eyes, swimmer and bigger than life personality. He made it harder and harder to ignore the fact that I liked guys "in that way". well the tipping point came when we had been drinking one night with another guy, we were like the 3 musketeers of our year, (plus drinking was 18 in Louisiana back then) when the other guy got a phone call from back home. He was all depressed and wanted to go for a walk. Well brad and I got concerned so we followed him and bugged him until he would tell us. He finally told us that his friend had HIV and he was freaked because he had messed around with a girl that turned out to be a guy. Well brad piped up and said "hell that don’t mean anything I had a bf in hs“. wtf! I knew he had gone to a boy’s catholic school and all but this threw me, brad was gay. Oh damn that means you can be catholic, in seminary and gay. OMG I’m gay! Well it took me a semester to come to grips with things, but once I did, I was a little happier with myself. For once in the past 10 years or so, I didn’t think about suicide. I had already tried 2 times. Then came the night that brad and I were just hanging out in his room listening to music when things started happening between us. By the end of the night, I had had my first sexual experience and I must say it was great.

Then the troubles started again. Rumours started flying around the seminary and it was the beginning days of the witch-hunts in the Catholic Church. Somehow, my name was added to a list of suspected homosexuals and before I knew it, my time was up. I had already been thinking of leaving because I could not live a life of hypocrisy, so I just decided it was time to go. This started a fresh round of depression in my life but I dealt with it.

That summer I came out to my sister and was unsure if I should tell my parents etc. she thought it would be all right but I wasn’t so sure. Time passed and thanksgiving rolled around. I was in the kitchen helping my mom when my sister came over. She told my mom I had something to tell her. Oh boy here we go. So I told her and she said well I kind of figured, lol. Then it was time to tell my dad. He was a career military man and very old school, I told him the whole story about brad and everything, he looked at me and said are you sure. My jaw dropped and was like really? After all I said you ask am I sure? About a year ago, I found out from my mom (my dad passed about 6 yrs ago) that at the time my dad wanted to send me to a shrink to be "fixed".
Time passed and I got involved with the church again. For some f'ed up reason, I got it in my head that the whole "pray the gay away" thing would work. So I prayed and started to date a girl. The first day we meet, I told her that I was gay, the next day we were dating. 5 years later, she was out of my life and I was still very gay. During our tumultuous relationship we had fooled around, had 3ways with other guys and toward the end, I was stepping out messing around with guys.

So far, in my life I have had several relationships with guys and the one relationship with a girl. Even though I have had some rough times, I would not trade any of it for anything in the world. My first pride fest was in LA. I was so proud to march in the parade with St Thomas the Apostle Episcopal church , the greatest inclusive church community ever and the rector is gay. I felt so good and proud to be there saying to the world I know who I am and I’m proud to be him.

The only thing that is hard now in my life is the fact that I’m a larger guy that loves to be naked. The problem arises when you consider the “image” of gay society and the general feelings in society at large about fat guys being naked let alone nudity at all, prudes lol. The one thing that I do know is that my guy is out there and I have no need to settle for someone because the show interest. I can keep my standards and find my man.

So I guess the whole point of my ramblings is that I am proud to be a fat gay man that is a nudist at heart. My man is out there and I am proud of the fact that I know we will find each other and he will be the man of my dreams. I am proud of the younger “baby” gays in society today that are standing up each day to say they are here, queer and proud. I am proud that there are bloggers/vloggers like Ryan that show the world that us crazy gays are just normal boring people (and no Ryan I‘m not saying you are bad boring a very good boring, lol). I am proud to have my baby bear in my life; I think he may be the one. I am honoured and proud to know a great artist by the name of Vin Fischer, his following his bliss and making a name for himself inspires me to follow my heart. No matter what we go through or who we are we should be proud of who we are. Thank you for listening to my ramblings, be PROUD!
1 Response
  1. ryan field Says:

    Nice Post, Aaron. Thanks for sharing!!