My Dark Side

I know everyone has a dark side and yes I have one also. I think about what I'm fixing to spill on this blog today ya'll might think I'm a bad person. I'm gonna just write like ya'll know what's going on know most of you do have been followers for a long time those that don't like I said yesterday ask questions if you don't understand.

So a few weeks found out a lady who is a family member I call her that very loosely is very sick likely will die. She has some sort of cancer in the brain she had a tumor removed that was cancer and they didn't get it all from what we were told. Now I don't wish harm or death on people even people that have done me wrong let me make that clear.

This women is evil she ran my Uncle out of Georgia for being gay I know you ask how can a person do that well she made his life hell until he felt he had no choice but to leave. My Uncle for years was afraid to around kids all because of this lady. When I came out at a young age she was on me and my Mom hard.

She tried to talk my parents into sending me to a de-gay camp. She did all kinds of things to the point of being down right mean to me. She even had me takin against my well to a church where they were going to cast the demons out of me. I tell when Mom show up with the police the look on her face when they handcuff her did my heart good.

The damage she did to my Uncle is a lot worse and I have always had a special place in my heart for him I think that is one of the reasons I live here. Anyway when I heard of her condition I didn't feel sorry for her to be honest I didn't feel anything at all. This must be my dark side not to have feelings at all for another human that is going thru her own personal hell.

Oh well a friend ask me when I told him he ask Ryan how do you sleep at night? I answer him I sleep very well! He said there ya go!

11 Responses
  1. justaguynatl Says:

    Ryan, that's not a dark side. That's just normal. There is nothing that says you have to have feelings for someone who has no feelings for you - even a family member. You shouldn't feel guilty for not feeling anything.

  2. CreamedHoney Says:


    It's perfectly normal to have bad vibes about people who have made your life and that of those you love difficult. All of us have feelings like that. While we may be sorry for their current suffering it does not excuse them for their past actions.

    So great to see you posting again.
    I've missed hearing about you.

  3. jimm Says:

    Go visit her. Don't say anything. Just visit. btw, howd her son make out?

  4. Sometimes people suffer to get a taste of hell as a last warning, you're not the bad part in this story, that's for sure; but often ppl missusing religion to cover their own faults, they will not have much fun from it at least, sigh, life seems complicated sometimes, but you're the good guy in this story :)

  5. Just Says:

    yeah I don't see the dark side here , I mean really what she put you and your uncle through .... not like your going out of your way to make her life hell ... sounds like all you want is her to leave you alone and your uncle.... and you regret what you uncle when threw this isn't dark Ryan .... : )

  6. A Lewis Says:

    Everyone has multiple sides to their personalities and lives. You're in good company with The Dark Side! And I've never been convinced that simply because someone is a blood relative and part of our family that they deserve to be let off the hook for being haters. I'm right there with you, Ryan. Not all will agree, but I do. We must rid our lives of toxicity.

  7. Planetx_123 Says:

    I agree-- this seems normal to me... so Im not sure if that means its ok and expected or we're both thick as thieves in mean-ness :-)


  8. Anonymous Says:

    I believe there is something like karma in life: ALL our good and bad deeds will will be rewarded - big or small ones. It's like a perfect set of scales that tries to equilibrate itself or an equation trying to get solved. So everything in life is just - we only need to step back to see the whole picture of causes and effects. And it may even span more of our existences on Earth.

    Coming back to your question: You are not a bad person at all! You are just seeking justice. And you feel relieved, when it is served.

    But try not to judge yourself for being "bad", nor the woman. Everything is going all well in the long run, and there is no need to involve ourselves emotionally more than neccessary. If we are able to balance ourself, there will be no "bad" deeds.

    Welcome back, Ryan!

    Simon (Berlin)

  9. naturgesetz Says:

    It's not as if you poisoned her corn flakes.

    Your feelings are natural enough, as several others have pointed out. Beyond that, the very fact that you refer to this as "the dark side" shows that you know we aren't supposed to hate people or wish evil on them. But that doesn't mean that we need to feel all warm inside toward them.

    You see, the love we are supposed to have for our neighbors as for ourselves isn't a matter of feelings, it is a matter of our will. As I said earlier, even though in your feelings, you don't feel bad over what's happening to her, in your mind, you know it's not good.

    Hopefully approaching the end will give her time to be sorry for all the hurt and pain she has caused.

  10. ryan field Says:

    You don't have to love, or even like, someone to forgive them.

    In other words, you can still forgive her in one sense, but that doesn't mean you have to like her or bother with her. You don't even have to care about her.

  11. Anonymous Says:

    you should know to be the bigger
    person in all this...
    what she has done to the family
    is all on her shoulders...she will
    be the one who will regret the
    things she said and did to y'all
    and that is that...hell has it's
    place for her and she knows it...
    deep down in that fat BLANK of
    hers she knows she will be in

    Just walk away...

    LOVES YOU!!!!!