Today is the anniversary of my grandma passing away. Not sure if ya'll remember the many post I've done about her and how I felt about that day. I didn't make it to her bedside in time and to this day I still have a hard time living with that. Most my family on that side I can't stand and they can't stand me or my parents. No matter what my grandma love me for me and never treated me different. I was very close to her even though I didn't get to see her as much as I wanted but every year she would come stay a month with us and I enjoyed that more than I think she knew I wish I would have told her that. I just wanted to do a post for her and tell her I'm sorry I wasn't there when she needed me most I hope you know I tried real hard grandma to make I did. I need to go cause the tears are falling and it's hard to see what I'm writing. Grandma thanks for the snow that day of your funeral I know you had do that just for me. I love you and miss you so very much!
*hugs*
You know you would have been there if you could have. It's not your fault you weren't there. You should remember that.
And your grandma knows how much you love her.
Not to be callous or cold, but I'll never understand the need for people to be with other people at the exact moment of their death. I'll never understand why some people feel that the person who is dying "needs" them right at that transition point.
For a couple of years before he died, my father was bad sick. Cancer. Towards the end he was so close to death that the doctors said he could go at any time. The family put their lives on hold as much as we could, but dad lingered. And lingered. And lingered. Finally, I *had* to go back to work. Needless to say, I was at work two states away when dad finally passed. I made it home after it was all over but the funeral.
Did I feel badly that I wasn't there at the moment of his death? No, because I was there for him during his final months/weeks/days. We all knew it was the end of the line- no denying that. We all had made our peace with it, and he did too.
We all die- every last one of us. No one gets out of here alive. If you believe in a Creator, then you believe that while our bodies are temporary, our souls are eternal and that we will "see" everyone in the afterlife. To me this is great comfort. I know I'll see my dad again (as well as other loved ones I've lost) when I am finally rejoined with the Creator.
Ryan, you loved your grandmother and she loved you. I guess what I'm saying is that is what's important: Love each other fully here on earth, in this life, right now. And let people know. This way, although it will hurt to lose them (no way to avoid that), it might hurt a little less than if there was any "unfinished business."
I didn't mean to ramble on for so long. Losing a loved one is never easy, and I know you still miss her. But take comfort in the fact that you WILL see your grandmother again, eventually. And when you do you will have nothing to be ashamed of (unless we end up naked in the afterlife, which could prove embarassing- at least for me). You WERE there for her when she really did need you: During her life! Believe me, she will welcome you with open arms in heaven.
Well...*if* you end up there, that is.
JOKING! I know you will. Anyone who is so good to animals has a special place in heaven ;)
Take care, my friend.
Ryan, I'm so glad you had a wonderful person like your grandma in your life. Grandmothers are totally awesome and in many cases are the rocks in our families. Keep the good memories of her, as they'll carry you through thick and thin....
AZ Denny
Sorry babe..hugs. I had the same thing happen when i lost my sister a few years ago...she was only 55. I still feel guilt and incredible sorrow that I didn't fly to California to be there when she died. I miss her terribly and still cry when i think about the call i got from my mom at 2 that awful morning.
I dont think we ever really get over losing people that are close to us.
I believe that they are with us at times in there own little way.
Take care my friend.
Ryan, as a youngster, one of my grammas lived with us. And the other gram, i would spend a week at her place in the summer. I understand how special it was to have your gram for that one month every year. Cherish that, and remember her on her birthday with some kind of special event.
That was a nice post, Ryan. Can't believe it's been this long since she passed. I think she's probably watching over you right now :)