Shocked / Help

Something came up yesterday that has never happen to me before. A lady friend I work with has a son who is 14 and he's blind. She is a single parent raised her son from birth not sure what happen to the dad other than she says he's a scum bag. Anyway she said her son was going through puberty and she caught him a few times jacking off. She ask if me if I could talk with him about sex and boy things.

First off I've know this lady for about year maybe a little longer and was very honored she ask me this. Second I'm thinking what can I really say I mean her son is blind not saying that as a bad thing. I mean I can talk to him about jacking and mom's not liking see that or the mess. Other than that I can't really explain things that well not saying he won't find someone and have sex he is a cute kid after all.

So last night after work I went over to there house and thought maybe if I have Tyler come it may help break the ice there close in age and all. Ok we get there and I have to admit I was a little shocked this boy has a cell phone a computer all the things a regular teen does. I guess I never thought about it before that they would have the same stuff and times change and makes things easier for all people.

Tyler and this kid hit off great and went off to the kids room me and my friend was having a cup of coffee and she was telling me about finding stuff on the computer and all. I was like what kind of stuff she said erotic books and stuff. I was like oh yeah he is a teen lol so I made my way in to see what the boys were doing and Tyler look at me with this look on his face like I need to tell you something.

I excuse us for a second walk outside and Tyler dropped a bomb on me and now I have to drop the bomb on my friend. Since nobody at work reads my blog they don't know about I get to drop this on ya'll and you can give me your thoughts and ideas on how to handle this. This kid we shall call him Nick told Tyler that he is gay! Tyler ask me Ryan how does a blind kid know if he's gay?

I was a little puzzled but said I guess same way a kid that can see knows. He said what I was thinking wow I never thought about it before. I guess this goes to prove a point that don't matter what the handicap is that don't make you gay or straight. Now I have to tell this lad something thank the good lord she off today so I don't have to deal with it but Nick ask me if I would tell her I told him he should but he said he just couldn't and wanted to know if I would.

This is what I'm thinking.....Maybe make a dinner have them come over with me, Kadin & Tyler and maybe my Mom and then I could tell her that Nick is gay but do it with them both in the room so he could address her if there is an issue. Personal I don't think there will be this lady likes me a lot and always ask how Kadin is doing so I think she will be fine.

Anyway thoughts?
11 Responses
  1. Eric Says:

    Wow Ryan what an interesting evening! First of all your lady friend clearly trusts you a lot and values your friendship to bring you into her personal life so deeply. As I read the story I never really thought about whether the young man was gay, but it was not a shock at all. Anyway, my suggestion (and you can of course accept or reject it) is to talk to her alone first. I think that might be easier so you can see what her reaction is. I would suggest Tyler be with you when you tell her.

    This young man has a lot to deal with and is clearly very intelligent and he seems to also be very sensitive. I am sure that his mom will be ok with it...she must know your sexuality and accepts it (I am assuming here)...but if not at least you will have her alone to talk before the young man joins you all.

    Obviously he is afraid of her reaction but she needs to know and will find out sooner or later. The main thing is that they love each other and that she will stand by him no matter what. That is the key...not the blindness the masturbation or the fact he is gay.


  2. naturgesetz Says:

    I think if he wants you to tell her, then that's really the best way to do it. Say, "There's something Nick asked me to tell you." I think making a big production of it with other people around would be extremely uncomfortable for him. It might seem that it would be more comfortable for you, but that's not the goal here. I hope you can bring yourself to tell her without having him on the scene. Just tell her privately, one on one. Then if it's an issue for her, she can talk to him later, privately, not in front of a roomful of people.

    If you must have someone else there, then have Tyler, as Eric said. But certainly no more than that.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    I agree with Eric, Ryan..... the time to come out is not in a room full of people - it's a one-on-one deal. Also, consider this: why did this lady ask YOU to talk to her son? Maybe she knows you're gay.... maybe she's figured it out from the erotica on the computer.... maybe she just knows her son.... that's often the case. I'm willing to bet she has a pretty good idea, but I think she also loves her son no matter what.
    You two are perfectly capable to handle the situation with her, one on one. I know Nick is terrified, but then most kids are in that situation.... they tend to overlook the power of a mother's love...
    AZ Denny

  4. elise Says:

    I also agree that one-on-one with you and the mom sounds best, with maybe tyler standing by. depending on how it goes, you could offer your mom as someone she may also want to talk with.

    Can you also check with local gay teen organizations, for any support groups/help specific to blind gay teens?

    I know you will handle this well, Ryan--you have a special, compassionate soul that is meant to help others!

    love you.................

  5. surakmn Says:

    What are his mom's attitudes toward homosexuality? Does she know you are gay? I can't help but wonder if she doesn't suspect and hoped that the kid would feel more comfortable opening up to you.

    He needs to tell his mom, but there's no reason why you or Tyler couldn't be there for support and maybe even get discussion going and on track if he starts to chicken out.

    It really looks like she might have an idea and is trying to make it easier for him, including providing a resource who can answer his questions - she didn't go to an uncle or cousin, she went to someone she (probably) knows is gay. That might tell you something.

  6. A Lewis Says:

    Treat him no differently than anyone else. Act no differently. Assume nothing.

    Who cares if he's gay. Let him come out on his own terms.

    I would be a little careful since he's underage and you are not.

  7. southern Says:

    Ryan what an interesting post - it's certainly something very few of us would encounter in our lives.
    I don't think you could go far past the wonderful advice given by Eric and Naturgesetz plus what Elise added about support groups.
    Tylers help and input was and will be an invaluble help to Nick as well.
    Good luck and it would be great to hear the out come.
    Regards Stef.

  8. Anonymous Says:

    that would be a great idea...



  9. jimm Says:

    With the emotional weight of a disability, gay as well, Nick is gonna need as much support as he can get. If Nick feels its time to tell mom, maybe offer to be there as support. No big crowd, tho.

    I have to say this, at age 14, his disability can leave him feeling left out. He needs to feel connected, wanted, loved, jus like any other kid.

    Oh, and... jacking off wont make ya blind... deaf maybe! j/k

  10. Penny Lane Says:

    Well this is not really my area of expertise, but I would say that when he is ready to tell someone he will. I am still awfully confused about how he knows that he is gay, but I guess it is just something you feel.

    I know this goes without saying, but just be there for him

  11. ryan field Says:

    I agree with A Lewis on this one, Ryan.