Tired

Wednesday I got some comments and a few emails from different people that was getting on to me about this blog and my writing. I know that when it comes to writing I am no good at it I misspell words use grammar that scares the hell out of a 5th grade teacher but all in all I try to do my best. Hell I know my schooling sucked and deep down inside me I believe the system failed me reason I say this was being gay and being picked on or even bullied from time to time I just wanted out and when I did raise a stink I think some of the teacher just passed me to get me out of there class.I started this blog many years ago for me really a way out put my problems on here to make me feel better. I never thought anyone would read or anyone will care. Over the years I been trashed over many thing but it always comes back to my writing and grammar. Not saying that any of the comments or emails were bullying me but deep inside me it felt that way. All I know is I speak funny maybe it's from not hearing well maybe wearing hearing aid and not being able to hear has something to do with it. I know that some maybe think I'm ignorant hell maybe I am but either way I don't need to be reminded of it. All I ever wanted was to share and maybe help other gay boys along the way if I could.I think I'm done with posting on this blog tired of all the bullshit maybe I'll just turn this blog into another gay porn blog.
28 Responses
  1. Anonymous Says:

    Well., I for one enjoy reading your blog Ryan, so please do not quit!!!! Ignore those who are rude and just be the great person that you are..........Jon Winship


  2. Eric Says:

    Ryan...I don't care about your spelling or grammar. I have found that words can hurt and although people may not mean to be pricks...they often are. I am all for kidding around and joking but I never criticize another person for something they cannot help or something that is not their fault. I am not a mechanical person and not handy at all but a co-worker..friend I thought..called me "mentally-challenged" today. It hurt me and he doesn't care. I hate that kind of thing.

    We all have faults and things we are not good at, but you are compassionate, have a huge amount of empathy for others and love and respect animals (I love that so much babe!). Please keep doing the blog and don't let others upset you. The gay porn is fine but you have a lot to say and I love to read your thoughts and even your rants! Hugs and lots of love...Eric


  3. Eric Says:

    Oh and fuck the bastards! lol


  4. Eric Says:

    Jon...miss you...email me when you can babe...Eric

    ecrossley@comcast.net


  5. ryan field Says:

    Ryan, just tell them to go fuck themselves when they bother you about the way you write.

    First, blogging is casual and no one pays attention to grammar...no one is supposed to pay attention to grammer because blogging is supposed to be fun, not work.

    Second, people read your blog because they like the content, and part of your charm here on the blog is the way you write. It's always real, which is the way it's supposed to be.

    Hell, I've read so many boring blogs where the writing is perfect I could puke...lol. But it's never boring here. And that's because you're never boring. So don't let them get you down.


  6. Doug Says:

    you are doing a great thing with this blog. have you ever thought about about some courses to help improve your writing. A lot of the teens I work with these days are the same way, so it is not just you.

    I never knew you had hearing trouble. Is there anything the doctors can do? have you tried better hearing aids?

    You definitely need to keep the blog going.


  7. Cheeky Says:

    Noooooooo - you can't stop.....Noooooooooo

    Just make it a "member's only" blog.....and make me a member :)


  8. Jay Says:

    Thanks to Ryan Field I've only recently started reading your blog. I really enjoy every word and I know they come from your heart. You are like family to me and I mean good family. I also like your Facebook posts. They have real meaning and many make me laugh - something I and others need. Please keep going as it doesn't matter how you say it, but what you say makes us love and respect you.


  9. Austin Says:

    Ryan,

    I'd say, "fuck 'em" to the folks who don't like how you write.

    They're choosing to read this. They're choosing to follow you. They can just as easily choose to not do so.

    I have noticed that your grammar and syntax tend to be somewhat worse when you seem emotionally involved in a topic; that, however, is no different from anyone else.

    Seriously: don't let others dictate to you who you "should" be.


  10. jaygeemmm Says:

    Ryan,
    I admit I've lurked more than I've commented, but I don't think grammar has been a comment topic of mine. You are you. It's the cool stuff you write that brings me, and your other followers back. It's a shame some feel like their station in life is to "improve you" in some way. I'd hate for you to shut down because of them. Your next to the last sentence says it all...ignore the rabble and be yourself here.

    Peace <3
    Jay


  11. Anonymous Says:

    Ryan,
    This is Matt from IL here...and yes your grammar would scare a 5th grade teacher like me IF THIS WERE A HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT...but those IDIOTS have to realize this is your voice and your BLOG....you get to write YOUR FEELINGS anyway you damn well choose to. Don't let others get you down...you have people that back you and support you...me included. I am sorry you feel as if school failed you...I wish you'd have been in my class, b/c I try to make sure every kid leaves my room each day knowing how awesome and special they are!!


  12. Jacob Woods Says:

    It drives me nuts when I get grammar and spelling e mails! No purpose. People make mistakes. I have seen grammar and spelling errors in college text books before!


  13. jimm Says:

    1st, i hope my comments didnt bug you that much. you know i care about ya, so i tend to lay ideas out the way i see em.

    with yer honesty, you've helped alot of kids with this blog, a few older ones too. and thats what makes yer blogging 'special'.

    im not sure, but i dont think you share enough about your hearing loss. not jus on this blog, but with yer family and friends too.

    sometimes ppl mock my voice. they have no idea how much that hurts me. and lotsa times i cant join in a conversation, cuz i cant follow whats being said. i jus hear a few hard vowel sounds, then hafta guess all the rest. and when i guess wrong, and try to join the conversation... well, it so f-ing embarrassing, and those odd looks i get from ppl. them thinking im dumb and stupid, when all thats wrong is i cant hear all those sounds clearly enough to understand a simple sentence.

    It all makes me wanna go hide from everyone. the stress and frustration from not hearing... ppl dont understand... the stress is off-the-charts, way way off-the-chart!!!

    and the way i speak... i tend to pronounce the words the way I hear them, not the correct way.

    luvya Ryan, stay 'special.'


  14. James Says:

    OMFG I just typed a huge comment and I think it was wiped out in error... Shit!

    Well in a nutshell...

    Hellz No! dont stop blogging or i will kick your white and tan ass!

    This is RYAN's blog.. if you dont agree stay the Fcuk AWAY!


  15. elise Says:

    My dear Ryan----
    If a reader is hung up on your grammer and spelling instead of the CONTENT of your blog, that's HIS OR HER PROBLEM, not yours.

    I know it hurts to read nasty things said about you, but I hope you can find a way to just shove those comments aside. They are not worthy of your time or energy!

    You have a special voice in the blog world, and I hope you won't allow yourself to be silenced by a few small-minded assholes.

    Extra love and hugs to you today...


  16. Anonymous Says:

    Ryan, write what you want, how you want. This is YOUR blog, not someone elses, so they just need to keep their negative bullshit to themselves. If you got Ryan Fields in your corner, than you got a good man. I like Ryan very much and he is a talented writer. We don't live that far from each other. Be at peace, and you can succeed at anything you try.

    In Brotherhood,

    John Simpson
    johnsimpsonbooks.com


  17. Mike Russell Says:

    Sweetie, I'm a former English teacher, and I've never had a problem with your writing. You're very openhearted and caring, and that comes through in every word you type. So please don't change.

    Love and cuddles, Mike :)


  18. Uncle Gerry Says:

    My dear nephew, take heart in the fact that there a so many more that love you than there those who hate on you. The lives you have touched shine so much brighter for your having touched them. You may never know who will benefit from the words you write jusas you never know how far the ripple will go when you toss a pebble in the ocean. Just don't strop tossing those pebbles and we won't stop loving you. Yes your grammar and spelling sometimes sucks, but we still know what you mean and the beauty of the heat behind the words. Keep on being you, Ryan, we love you.


  19. naturgesetz Says:

    Everybody else is right. I know you feel everything very deeply, but I hope you can find a way to ignore the people who have nothing better to do than criticize your grammar or spelling. Keep writing your blog. Don't let the trolls win.


  20. Chuck Says:

    One more booster of yours to add to the "Eh, fuck 'em" pile :) I'm so sorry you've got people gettin' down on you, but frankly, they need something productive to do with their lives. Ragging on you isn't doing anybody any good. Try not to let it get you down, bud. We got your back!


  21. MamaKBear Says:

    I'm with the rest of the commenters...fuck the grammar/spelling nazis! You just keep doing what you do, after all this is NOT school, so what does it matter how you write?

    I understand about speaking funny too...if you remember, I am deaf and wear a hearing aid also. Sometimes I get funny looks about the way words come out of my mouth, but you can't let it get to you...they don't understand what they don't know.


  22. jaygeemmm Says:

    Ryan,
    After seeing MamaKBear's comment, and having my memory jarred, I wanted to tell you that I've met several hearing impaired students in the high school I worked in. They got treated just like everyone else because they were just like everyone else. So no worries there if you want to Skype sometime! How you speak isn't nearly as important as what you SAY!!!

    Peace <3
    Jay


  23. So, here's the thing, I'm the culprit who put Ryan into a tailspin about his spelling and grammar.

    I have followed Ryan for many years and support him completely in all his endeavors and loves and tribulations.

    I agree completely that Ryan has a right to write however which way he wants on his blog and he should certainly not care a diddle about what other people may or may not think of him.

    However, my concern over his spelling and grammar has more to do with his future in the work-a-day world and his "victimology" than who he is as a person.

    We can all agree that Ryan is one of the most loving and giving people we know. His spelling and grammar have nothing to do with this.

    But ... as I discussed with Ryan in an exchange we had separately he needs to learn to write better so that he can grow professionally. You see, despite the cocoon in which he lives Ryan must eventually have to deal with supervisors, bosses, companies, banks, government entities and other such real life situations. He must be able to write letters to corporations to support the causes he supports, to acquire funding, to get advertisers.

    These are the things which REQUIRE correct spelling and grammar. So, y'all can just cut the "I support your poor grammar" crap. I support Ryan and all his hopes and dreams for the future but I will not sit idly by the wayside and support this lunacy.

    The second problem with this, and I have spoken with Ryan about it, is his "victimology." i.e. "Oh woe is me everyone is against me / people beat me up / the education system failed me." Oh boo hoo.

    I have been through Hell and back myself. I, too, have had tragedy and lost loves. I have had fortunes and lost them. AND, I lived my life as a victim for a long time and spent many years in the depths fo depression. Big fucking deal.

    Ryan is an adult. He is now able to make his own decisions. HE CAN REFUSE TO BE A VICTIM. Instead of whining over how the educational system screwed him for life, he has the opportunity to maybe hire a tutor to work specifically on his English, or take a class or two at a community college. Or simply TRY to write better.

    Yes. It IS much easier to be the victim. So easy for y'all to say "Aaron, you're just being an asshole. Ryan is lovely the way he is." or "Life is against me, why should I bother with the struggle?" Go ahead and make all the excuses ... but its all victimspeak.

    Is Ryan playing the victim card. Hell yeah. Look at all the attention he gets when he whines about me simply saying "Ryan ... you need to work on your spelling and grammar." IS he a victim? Fuck no. He just hasn't realized it.

    Ryan HAS been through a ton of shit ... from being attacked for being gay to Mikey's accident to his accident to Tyler's accident not to mention his other health issues ... yes, here he is every day, still dishing out the love and kindness. THAT's strength, not victimology.

    In the end, though, y'all will still think of me as being an ass because I love hi enough to want him to have more opportunities in his work life and I want him to get out of his victimology NOW rather than living in it for as many years as I did. I wasted too much time on that BS and I don't want him to.


  24. Ryan Says:

    hey aaron or gi joe aaron lol im not gonna let you take all the credit for my breakdown last week you only had a 1/4 part in it and thats all the credit i will give you.

    maybe some of what you say here is true but a lot dont apply to me or my job trust it didn't take me long to learn what brings money it sure anit no letter trust me. when i get old i will be replace with something young and cuter but ill have my shelter and in the end thats all that matters to me.

    far as the other stuff i like my cocoon its safe i have my friends and my family and kadin so they also watch out for me.

    when you walk in my shoes and the hell i went thru just to get thru school then you may understand why i said it let me down and until then you have no idea and really no right to think you do.

    its true you have follow me maybe sence the start of my blog i know for a long, long time but over the past year you have become something bitter and i dont get like an old bitter drag queen or something really dude get laid it may help!


  25. I hear ya.

    I know I haven't "walked in your shoes" to know EVERYTHING there is to know; so yeah, I am only commenting based on what I know. What I am focusing on is your present and your future and that you have the power to supersede the challenges in your life. If you don't want to ... that's perfectly fine. But don't get all angry with me if I want you to do better, be better, and live better.

    But where the bitter thing come from? I've been bitter to you? I sure don't remember anything like that and, after a quick search trough your blog ... nada.

    Need some help finding out how I've been bitter so I can avoid such things in the future.

    Hahaha you'll never see me sporting a dress ... the drag thing just isn't in me. And getting laid is over-rated.


  26. Malcolm Says:

    I've said it before, Ryan but I'll say it again anyway. The spelling, grammar and other things aren't important. Don't let the small minded people put you off. I enjoy your blog because you've got things to say that are worth reading.

    Love
    Malcolm


  27. Anonymous Says:

    Baby Boy,

    I love you no matter how
    you write or talk...You are
    my son and that is all that matters
    to me in this world...


    Love,

    Mom


  28. jaygeemmm Says:

    If I haven't learned (actually, been reminded in no uncertain terms) anything else in my short time here in the blogworld, it's that asked for advice is most always unheeded, and unasked for advice is always unwanted.

    Peace <3
    Jay