The Wind of Change Part 3

First off let me say thanks for waiting on me to post something I just needed a break from it from time to time. I want to talk about the 2 part post and some of the comments. Yes Austin some of my reply has to do with what you had to say. Let me make it clear I'm not mad and I believe everyone has the right to say what they feel.

I stand behind what I said before I have issues with the gay community. I have problems with they way a gay man might be a little girly and has to flaunt it for the world to see or even throw it up in someone's face. I don't like the fact that gay men call each other women or bitches or anything like that. I'm sorry these are my thoughts and feelings. I choose not to deal with people like this anymore and this is my choice.

I believe there is a time and place for everything and maybe a gay bar its ok to act however you want but in public I don't think so and I stick behind what I said before I think we are our own worse enemy and why were hated. There is a time and place for everything but acting like a flaming queer in the middle of the mall is not the place. Don't get me wrong just because I had an out of body deal at pride I think that if it makes people happy then have your pride.

I agree with some of what Austin said in his comments and I thank him for his thoughts on this topic and for taking the time to speak his mind in the right way besides he cute and that helps! One thing Austin said that I agree with is some people will hate us no matter how we act or don't act they hate us for just being alive. With that said I think there is others we could get to accept if we didn't flaunt so much.

Most of you had good comments on this topic Teddy I like yours too. Right now I can't change the way I feel and I just feel sick when I see a guy act like a girl. I don't understand the idea if your a gay why would you want a girly boy why not just get a girl? Trust me this topic is hitting deep not only on here but at home. Kadin and I have been fighting over this since I wrote it.

Always open to thoughts and comments!
6 Responses
  1. naturgesetz Says:


    First, I hope you and Kadin can understand each other and "agree to disagree" and respect each other's opinion.

    Second, flamboyant and outrageous behavior at Pride events is definitely used by some people to inflame opinion against gays.

    Third, you are entitled to your feelings.

    Fourth, I think your advice to keep thing toned down at the mall is wise. It is good for people to learn to accept the presence of gay people. Making them upset and angry doesn't do it.

    Hang in there.


  2. Doug Says:

    I agree with naturgeetz. there is a time and a place for everything. Getting up in somebody's face in public is no way to make the world think better of gays. You have a right to express your views just like everybody else does. Not everybody will agree but that is their choice. It is good that you and Kadin can discuss things like this rationally. Keep doing what you have been.

  3. ryan field Says:

    I'm not commenting on the way anyone acts in public.

    But I do want to say this. In a world where it's always the most effeminate and outrageious gay men who seem to claim all the attention from the media, I'm glad to see that you're speaking out this way.

    Again, I'm not saying anything against the feminine types. But I do think there's a large segment of the gay community, like you and me and most of the gay men I know, who don't speak out often enough and the mainstream thinks all gay people are effeminate. Which isn't the case at all.

    I just wish more gay men would speak out, to show people there are many facets to being gay, and not all gay men are into drag, refer to each other with feminine pronouns, and follow the common stereotypes.

    I remember the thing that shocked me most when I firt came out was that so many gay men didn't act effeminate. They were nothing like I'd seen on TV or read about in magazines. I couldn't get over how most were just normal, regular guys.

  4. Austin Says:

    I'm not "fem", flamboyant, extremely ripped, a bear, or any of the other gay stereotypes. I'm just a guy. And yes, most gay men are probably just guys.

    Pride festivals - and especially the parade - are, well, different. They're there explicitly for the media attention, to be out and proud and "we're here, we're queer, get used to it" all over the place. That is, really, the point: the first pride parade was exactly that, and while it was led by the drag queens and the bikers, it was mostly full of all the "just guys" who followed.

    My objection, as I hope I got across, isn't against having opinions or feelings. My objection is against the notion that the people who legitimately act and behave that way, and want to act and behave that way, should change who they are in public just to appease what amounts to their oppressors. That's accomodationist and exactly the sort of behavior that didn't win us any respect or rights. Look, nothing happened until after the drag queens and biker chicks picked up trashcans and started hurling them at police: unfortunately, most of the time you have to demand respect first in order to qualify to earn it later.

    Now, you may argue we're approaching "later". And you might be right, though I don't think we're there yet. When we get to a point where your reaction is "I dislike guys who act effeminitely" rather than "I dislike gays who act effeminitely", we'll be closer. But we're not there. We're still on the negative side of "privilege" at the moment, a fact that is proven at least once a week in the news.

    Again, feeling how you feel is fine. Just please don't try to impose those feelings on others (e.g., don't try to make others behave how you want them to). Talk about them, yes, but not imposition. And try to realize that it's exactly the things you don't like that have placed you in a position where you can openly criticize them. That doesn't mean you have to like them, but it doesn mean you should at least respect them as equals.

    Anyway, I'll back off and end with the "agree to disagree" notions about the appropriateness; I have my own blog and should stop posting novels on yours :) And thanks for the compliment.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    I agree that the PDAs and outrageous behavior need to be toned down. I don't care if you are effeminate or like dressing in your underwear in public, but think about all the rest of us who incur the wrath of even the moderates out there because it's just not right to do those things in public.

    Peace <3

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Ryan...I have to nicely disagree with some of what you said. I have friends who also feel that way about what they consider "flamboyant" or "over-the-top" gay men.

    I do prefer men who act like men. I am gay but one of the reasons (other than it is hard-wired into me as it is with all gay people) is that I like masculine men.

    That being said, I have learned over the years that judging others by my standards or preferences is not good. If someone has a problem with a gay man who acts too feminine, the problem is with that person. And I do think that using the word "gay" in a negative way is not productive.

    Anyway everyone is entitled to their opinions. I just try to judge others in our community less and concentrate on those who despise us and want to deny us equal rights and protections. The homophobic, bible-thumping mornons are the real enemy babe.

    Love you no matter what and Kadin too.