Trust a small word with a lot of meaning. Something as a child I had a lot of but as I went through my teenage years I learn that trust is something people will use to hurt you. I have over the year lost trust in many people and don't trust a lot of people anymore. My list of people I trust is very small. Most would say this is not a good way to live but honest I am happy with the few I trust and I'm happy with my life.
I also think there is different ways to trust. Let me speak of a few that to me are different. One is like the trust I have with Kadin & Tyler I can talk to them about anything and I know they would never tell anyone or turn what I said around to hurt me. I trust them with everything including my life. There are a few friends that come close to this status also but I haven't yet trusted them like that yet and I know I need too.
Another form of trust to me is sharing not deep dark secrets but like ok nudity for an example. I don't mind my friends seeing me naked or I them sharing one's naked body is something that I think is an honor and should be treated as such. Most people look at nudity as nasty cause that's the way we were raised to hide the body and the nasty parts well I don't think there are nasty parts on people and teaching this is just wrong.
So speaking on the trust topic I have a problem and I want your thoughts on how you would handle it if it was you.
About 4 or 5 years ago there was this big blow up in my family I posted about it before but I'll bring you up to speed so you don't have to go back and try to find it. I have this aunt by marriage been in the family for years that is a 2 face bitch. She acted like me being gay wasn't that big of a deal until I turn my back and then she rip me up and tore me to pieces.
What she did was used me being gay to get everyone to turn against us and divide the family so to speak. She accused me touching her kids and that just crushed me to the point I felt so bad about who I was that I thought it would be easier if I either ran away or just killed myself so my parents didn't have to deal with a sicko as a son. Course mom knowing me as well as she does knew I was having these feelings and we talked.
Now that's not the issue here is the issue I believe in karma and I think sometimes karma can be a real mean ugly bitch. Well karma found my aunt and has hit her hard. About a year ago they found a brain tumor and they did take it out but she hasn't been the same. I hear she is getting worse and I have to be honest I don't feel the least bit sorry for her and I'll probably burn in hell for that but I just can't feel sorry for someone who has hurt me so bad.
The issue now is my uncle my mom's brother never really said anything against me but didn't defend me either. The last time I talk to him was at my grandma's funeral about 3 years ago. I didn't talk to his fat wife bitch but I did speak to him. But haven't since I been thinking about him lately and I know he loves my aunt he has to cause he put up with here for years and as much as I don't give a shit about her should I call him? Let me know what your thoughts are please.
I also think there is different ways to trust. Let me speak of a few that to me are different. One is like the trust I have with Kadin & Tyler I can talk to them about anything and I know they would never tell anyone or turn what I said around to hurt me. I trust them with everything including my life. There are a few friends that come close to this status also but I haven't yet trusted them like that yet and I know I need too.
Another form of trust to me is sharing not deep dark secrets but like ok nudity for an example. I don't mind my friends seeing me naked or I them sharing one's naked body is something that I think is an honor and should be treated as such. Most people look at nudity as nasty cause that's the way we were raised to hide the body and the nasty parts well I don't think there are nasty parts on people and teaching this is just wrong.
So speaking on the trust topic I have a problem and I want your thoughts on how you would handle it if it was you.
About 4 or 5 years ago there was this big blow up in my family I posted about it before but I'll bring you up to speed so you don't have to go back and try to find it. I have this aunt by marriage been in the family for years that is a 2 face bitch. She acted like me being gay wasn't that big of a deal until I turn my back and then she rip me up and tore me to pieces.
What she did was used me being gay to get everyone to turn against us and divide the family so to speak. She accused me touching her kids and that just crushed me to the point I felt so bad about who I was that I thought it would be easier if I either ran away or just killed myself so my parents didn't have to deal with a sicko as a son. Course mom knowing me as well as she does knew I was having these feelings and we talked.
Now that's not the issue here is the issue I believe in karma and I think sometimes karma can be a real mean ugly bitch. Well karma found my aunt and has hit her hard. About a year ago they found a brain tumor and they did take it out but she hasn't been the same. I hear she is getting worse and I have to be honest I don't feel the least bit sorry for her and I'll probably burn in hell for that but I just can't feel sorry for someone who has hurt me so bad.
The issue now is my uncle my mom's brother never really said anything against me but didn't defend me either. The last time I talk to him was at my grandma's funeral about 3 years ago. I didn't talk to his fat wife bitch but I did speak to him. But haven't since I been thinking about him lately and I know he loves my aunt he has to cause he put up with here for years and as much as I don't give a shit about her should I call him? Let me know what your thoughts are please.
I remember you talking about your aunt before and how upset it made you. I would call your uncle and at least tell him you are thinking about him. He knows you had a big problem with his wife. He may be one of those guys who is very intimidated by his wife and was afraid to say anything. My nephews girlfriend is like that.
I would try to talk to your uncle and ask him why he didn't stand up to her. He might not know how deeply it hurt you.
Remember that forgiveness goes a long way towards healing. Sometimes it is very hard to forgive someone.
You can call him and ask how he's doing without even mentioning her.
To be honest, I probably wouldn't call at all. I might send a card, but I'd have to really thing about that one.
P.S. I also don't believe you have to actually embrace someone again in order to forgive them. You can forgive, on your own terms, in your own personal way. But it doesn't mean you have to even contact them again.
I like this quote:
"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be changed." ― Oprah Winfrey
In other words, you can't change the past. It is what it is. Move on without holding any grudges.
Oh my brother....I know how you feel about trust and after what happened to me a few years ago - I know EXACTLY how you feel in only giving certain people full trust - Trust me (hehe) I know how you feel on that one! My "trust" list is very very short.
If it were me - I would reach out to my Uncle. Start slow. A card, an email, just something to let him know you are thinking of HIM. He is blood. The one he married - well - she is what she is - you don't even have to like her (which I am sure you don't - hell I don't know her and I don't like her). You don't have to have any contact with her what-so-ever.
As for forgiveness - honey forgiveness is for YOU not the other person. You can forgive but that doesn't mean forgetting. Like Ryan F said up there - you don't even have to contact that person ever again. And it can be hard - been there, done that, still dealing with it.
So....<> to you honey.
Hey - where did the hugs inside the <> go???
Well here they are again HUGS!
It really pisses me off when people think because you are gay you are a pedo.
They don't assume heteros are going to molest their daughters so why is it different the other way round.
I noticed similar in that when I wasn't around people would talk and add their own little bits on yet when around everybody is schmoozing.
No doubt the old cow has fed your uncle with poison. I would suggest if you do contact him do so privately and tell him how you feel and what you think your aunt thinks of you, saying you want to keep in contact but don't want to make things awkward between your uncle and aunt.
It's hard to comment not knowing more about your uncle but that would be my suggestion with what little I know.
Ryan---Since this Uncle is your Mom's brother, I think you should discuss this with her (maybe you've already done that.)
I think it would be good to let your uncle know you're thinking about him at what must be a difficult time for him. Cord or phone call? That depends on what feels best to you. But a phone call would probably mean a bit more to him, if you can handle it without having to tell him how you feel about her.
I would send an e-mail or card saying something like "I understand that Aunt ___ doesn't care for me. I just want you to know that I care about you."
and sign it. Many times short and simple says more than volumes.
We've all had someone in our lives like your aunt. And you are right Karma almost always gets back to them.
Always remember, too, that the old saying 'You catch more flies with honey than vinegar" No matter how they treat you always be sweet and positive... that always drives them nuts.
I think that a nice email wouldn't hurt. Just let him know that you're thinking about *him* and hope that things are going ok.
I have a lot of trust issues with my own family believe me. email to come.
Trust...an interesting concept, and you certainly have a firm grasp on its myriad meanings. It's hard to learn to trust again, once you've been screwed, believe me, that's why I'm not out as much as I'd like to be!
As to your aunt...I think it's been covered, but there's nothing wrong with contacting your uncle - by phone, a note or card, or whatever, and telling him your thoughts are with him and the family as they go through this tough time. He knows why you don't make much contact with them, whether he wishes to admit it or not. But reaching out to him and letting him know you do care about him and his kids would mean a whole to someone going through a very bad time.
Peace <3
Jay
Im pretty much with everyone else, a card expressing your thoughts. Maybe leave your aunt out of it.
trust... well you know me, ive had my run-in with trusting friends as a kid, only to have them turn on me. So ive had issues all my life. Now i jus keep to myself. Not really what i want, but...
Trust no one, and you will not be screwed - but you will be alone and unloved.
Trust everyone, and some will screw you. The rest will rescue you, and a few will even love you.
Pick one; or, what's unique in America - Compromise :)
Listen to Ryan Field.
http://teenboyissues.blogspot.com/2011/09/for-hard-of-hearing.html
A couple thoughts Ryan. First off you need to forgive your aunt. That doesn't mean you forget what she did, set yourself up for further abuse, or that you even have to like her. It just means you let go of the anger and of the past so it doesn't become an obstacle to your own moving forward.
Second, your concern is about your uncle. You're allowed to be kind to him. There's nothing wrong, and a lot right, with being able to express some concern for him and letting him know he's in your thoughts. Sometimes when you're stuck with a harpy disengagement comes about as one's own survival mechanism. You might find you have an advocate in him when your aunt passes.