The ambulance shows up takes me to the hospital I had them call my Uncle cause my parents were still together then and lives in Georgia. He came up cause they took me to Tampa General mom of course flew down right away and I was really sick cause I pushed myself way to far when I knew I was getting sick I decided to have another beer instead of taking care of myself.
Mom chew my ass out like moms do and she was right even though I didn't want to hear it. All I was wanting was to get out of here and get back with my friends and party. Well she wasn't having any of that and I was transfer from Tampa to Bradenton so it was closer for everyone and I got a chance to call my friends and tell them where I was at. They said they would come and visit but not a one showed up.
This is when I first met my soulmate the love of my life. Oh I noticed him right away even though my mind was not totally there I still noticed him. He took care of me while I was in the hospital and we talked a lot I still wasn't sure he was gay but I had a feeling. Besides making me feel batter he took my mind off my friends and why they wasn't coming to see me. When I was being let out of the hospital he finally ask me out and I said yes.
Let me jump a few months ahead yall get the idea. I'm with Kadin just started dating he notice a problem as well as mom & dad and they all tried to talk to me but I wasn't hearing it all I wanted to do was go out party do some karaoke and have a few drinks with my friends. I didn't see a problem I didn't feel I had a drinking problem and I could handle it. After coming home a few times a couple sheets in the wind they talked to me about drinking and driving.
Jumping ahead most of you know I crashed a car after coming across the skyway bridge. I was drunk and stupid thank God only one I hurt was myself. I have a fake knee cause of the crash and I'm thankful I'm alive and thankful I didn't hurt anyone. The point of this is while I was laid up in the hospital for months my friends who I consider friends didn't come to see me or even call to check on me. I was starting to see what kind of friends they were as long as I spending they were friends.
Never once did any of them ever come down to visit me at my house I always had to go up there. Most of them didn't have cars or jobs. Speaking of jobs I had my share of jobs that I lost cause I was stupid and thought partying was more important than work. Jobs people would kill for but I dismissed them like I was working at taco bell. While I was laying there in that hospital I was getting a life lesson. I told dad I needed his help cause I needed to learn how to control the drinking.
That's another story sometime and a debate but I will tell you I learn how to control the drinking and it don't control me and never will again. Now I've heard from these so called friends from time to time but not much. I don't consider them friends anymore just people I know. They are creatures of the night and that's not me I am a morning person thanks to dad but that's what I am. They go out every night and drink all the time well that's not me.
I learn there are better things in life other than a night club or the next party. Kadin has taught me about having good times with friends without having to go to a night clubs. Don't get me wrong I as does Kadin like going out now and then but its more then than it is now. There is a little club not far from us it's a straight club but they know me and Kadin are a couple and they don't say anything they always welcome us I go there to karaoke sometimes.
They other one of theses friends I speak of sent me an message on yahoo said I don't want to be your friend anymore. I reply back ok can you tell me why? He said you haven't spoke to me in over a month and I don't know when was the last time we went out. I said to him well you know that goes both ways you haven't called me or email or anything far as going out I don't do that anymore I find better things to do than hang out in a nite club.
He said you change you act like you better than everyone else since you been with Kadin you have become a pussy bitch. I was like ok if you think that then that's fine I am a pussy bitch Kadin's pussy bitch but look I decided to grow up and make something of myself I'm not going to be the 40 year old in the bar that's called a troll the very ones you claim make you sick.
I'm not a club kid and neither are you look at you your 25 years old running from club to club and man to man following these drag queens around and none of you have a pot to piss in. You have a part time job sometimes and none of have a car always looking for rides from club to club. So if you don't want to be my friend cause I decided to grow up and make something of myself then fine cause I really don't want to be your friend cause you never care when I was laid up in the hospital for months anyway!
I checked myself when I wrecked myself remember that!
Mom chew my ass out like moms do and she was right even though I didn't want to hear it. All I was wanting was to get out of here and get back with my friends and party. Well she wasn't having any of that and I was transfer from Tampa to Bradenton so it was closer for everyone and I got a chance to call my friends and tell them where I was at. They said they would come and visit but not a one showed up.
This is when I first met my soulmate the love of my life. Oh I noticed him right away even though my mind was not totally there I still noticed him. He took care of me while I was in the hospital and we talked a lot I still wasn't sure he was gay but I had a feeling. Besides making me feel batter he took my mind off my friends and why they wasn't coming to see me. When I was being let out of the hospital he finally ask me out and I said yes.
Let me jump a few months ahead yall get the idea. I'm with Kadin just started dating he notice a problem as well as mom & dad and they all tried to talk to me but I wasn't hearing it all I wanted to do was go out party do some karaoke and have a few drinks with my friends. I didn't see a problem I didn't feel I had a drinking problem and I could handle it. After coming home a few times a couple sheets in the wind they talked to me about drinking and driving.
Jumping ahead most of you know I crashed a car after coming across the skyway bridge. I was drunk and stupid thank God only one I hurt was myself. I have a fake knee cause of the crash and I'm thankful I'm alive and thankful I didn't hurt anyone. The point of this is while I was laid up in the hospital for months my friends who I consider friends didn't come to see me or even call to check on me. I was starting to see what kind of friends they were as long as I spending they were friends.
Never once did any of them ever come down to visit me at my house I always had to go up there. Most of them didn't have cars or jobs. Speaking of jobs I had my share of jobs that I lost cause I was stupid and thought partying was more important than work. Jobs people would kill for but I dismissed them like I was working at taco bell. While I was laying there in that hospital I was getting a life lesson. I told dad I needed his help cause I needed to learn how to control the drinking.
That's another story sometime and a debate but I will tell you I learn how to control the drinking and it don't control me and never will again. Now I've heard from these so called friends from time to time but not much. I don't consider them friends anymore just people I know. They are creatures of the night and that's not me I am a morning person thanks to dad but that's what I am. They go out every night and drink all the time well that's not me.
I learn there are better things in life other than a night club or the next party. Kadin has taught me about having good times with friends without having to go to a night clubs. Don't get me wrong I as does Kadin like going out now and then but its more then than it is now. There is a little club not far from us it's a straight club but they know me and Kadin are a couple and they don't say anything they always welcome us I go there to karaoke sometimes.
They other one of theses friends I speak of sent me an message on yahoo said I don't want to be your friend anymore. I reply back ok can you tell me why? He said you haven't spoke to me in over a month and I don't know when was the last time we went out. I said to him well you know that goes both ways you haven't called me or email or anything far as going out I don't do that anymore I find better things to do than hang out in a nite club.
He said you change you act like you better than everyone else since you been with Kadin you have become a pussy bitch. I was like ok if you think that then that's fine I am a pussy bitch Kadin's pussy bitch but look I decided to grow up and make something of myself I'm not going to be the 40 year old in the bar that's called a troll the very ones you claim make you sick.
I'm not a club kid and neither are you look at you your 25 years old running from club to club and man to man following these drag queens around and none of you have a pot to piss in. You have a part time job sometimes and none of have a car always looking for rides from club to club. So if you don't want to be my friend cause I decided to grow up and make something of myself then fine cause I really don't want to be your friend cause you never care when I was laid up in the hospital for months anyway!
I checked myself when I wrecked myself remember that!
Sweetie, I'm proud of you. I know we really don't know each other, at least not in "real" life. But I've told you before, be proud of who and what you've become. Yes, you made mistakes, but again, everybody does and most of the time, they make us better than what we were before. I know I am and you are too.
As for the "friends", it's times like that when you find out who your true friends are. Just know this, if I would have been one of your party friends during that time, I would still be here for you. I would have been there for you when you were sick, just as I try to be here now, even though we live hundreds of miles from each other. I could never turn my back on you.
It's too bad it took the accident and the hospitalizations to show you you were not going down a good path. But it's great that you learned your lesson and decided to settle down and grow up the way you have.
Ryan, I've said this several times before ... you are a very special young man. You have the balls to admit being wrong and even bigger ones that you took steps to correct them. I know that was not an easy thing to do. Kadin is a very fantastic person to help you and love you so much.
There are many young gay guys that have no support system as you do. They are the ones that end up as bar rats...or dead. You have been blessed to have a fantastic family both related and built.
Teddy, you said it better than I did.
Email coming you way soon.
I am so very happy you came to your senses. Sometimes it takes a terrible thing to open your eyes. You've come a long way, Ryan, and you're a better person for it. As you say, better to figure it out now and not when you're a 40 year old bar hopper with no life.
Keep living the good life, dude!
Peace <3
Jay
When my best friend suicided, i drank n drugged for over a year. Got thrown outta every bar in the county.
I finally come to my senses. I tell ya, it felt good going to work without a hangover every day.
Kadin is wise beyond his years. Ryan, you're one lucky dude to have him at your side. Wish i had a friend like him.
You have been through a lot in your life Ryan but I think you're a better person for it...it takes guts to admit that you need help & change your life around. I know Kadin played a part in that but the determination & will power to do it had to come from you. I had friends who died because of their drinking and one of my best friends was killed when he was 19 because he was drunk & went through a red light and was broadsided by a tractor trailer. As for your friends, friendship is more than just going out & having a good time together...real friends stand by you no matter what. Glad we're fb friends Ryan but I would love be your real friend coz you seem like a really amazing guy.
I can't repeat it too often, and others do it as well: you are really an amazing young man, for some maybe even an angel - and that's not only for animals! :)
Sometimes the hardest turns in our lives prove to be the best ones. Imagine: without your accident you most likely would not have met Kadin. And I believe, that you were not killed in this accident, because you had not fulfilled your life's purposes yet. Life is such a precious gift, and how mindlessly do we spend it?! Sometimes such hard turns are neccessary to bring us back to our senses and back on track.
Love,
Simon
It's not easy any way you look at it...life. You have to keep moving forward.