The Houseboy?

Okay I have this friend he was like my first real gay friend and he always told me that he wanted to find a man who loved him for him and wouldn't be anybody's bitch and would make sure he had enough to take care of himself cause no man would pay for him and he wouldn't be a kept whore. For the most part he did keep to his word until a year ago and something changed not sure what but it was like a 180 flip and I'm still a little shocked about it.

First off let me describe my friend to yall blonde hair blue eyes 5'9 well fit and abs that are to die for and a little more flamboyant than I like but who am I to judge. Here is the deal he had a job not a bad job paid pretty good.He like everyone else was looking for love and had lots of bad luck finding a good guy. But always kept his head up and moved on well he went online to try the online dating services and he met someone.

I'm not going into the small details just move right to the problem this guy lived in another state but came here to meet my friend. He never ask my friend to pay for anything to find out he is in the military not that there is anything wrong with that but he is an older guy and is not out. At first he was like if I had the right guy I wouldn't mind coming out but I guess my friend is not the right guy cause he refuses to come out and my friend well he is back in.

This guy moved my friend out of state and now he won't let him work says he don't need to work he would take care of everything all he needs to do is keep his house clean and take care of the dogs and be the good wife as long as he keep a low key and don't bring attention to himself the problem is my friend is going crazy. He won't tell this guy that and when he post about how unhappy he is on his facebook page and we say something about getting a job or something like that he goes nuts.

Telling us to stay out of his business that he will get a job when he wants. This is my problem I think there is more to this than meets the eye. I don't know if this guy has him so scared he is afraid to tell the truth to us or if something else going on. He has never let on he would be happy being someone bitch a kept whore just puzzles me. So my question should I make a trip to see him in person or just let it be. If there is a problem it will come out if this was a friend of yours what would you do?
10 Responses
  1. Damien Says:

    Ryan, I would recommend, as hard as it to be this way, to NOT approach your friend about this matter. Wait for him to realize/remember he does not like this lifestyle AND to come to you for help.

  2. ryan field Says:

    Let it be. I've seen this before. If you get involved, they back away even more. Sometimes they even wind up resenting you. Just listen if he wants to talk. That's about the best you can do.

    I'm seeing something like this right now with someone I know on facebook who lives locally. Trust me, there are many young gay men out there looking for sugar daddies so all they have to do is stay home and be the wife.

  3. ric/Teddytoy Says:

    The best thing you can do is to let him know that you are his friend and that you care about him.

    I would only go if he invites you to come up and then stay at a motel so he can come to you.

  4. mary gresham Says:

    I agree with all three. But stay in touch with him no matter what. Ryan, just let him know you will be there for him, no questions asked. I know its not going to be easy and hopefully he is okay, but he is an adult and made his own choices, even if they are the wrong ones. Only if you feel like he' immediate danger should you try to do anything, because, like the others said, it will only push him away.

  5. Austin Says:

    It's possible that there's an abusive relationship going on here (not necessarily physical; there are multiple types of abuse). But it's only a possibility. There could certainly be other things happening; I know of one person who "disappeared" in a similar fashion who ended up having chosen to be in a long-term BDSM situation. Again, not necessarily happening here (and nothing at all wrong with that, so long as it's consentual).

    My one concern would be that, if this is abusive, the older partner may be monitoring communications and, thus, the younger man might feel like he can't actually talk about things online. If that were the case, an in-person meeting would be useful, but it would have to happen carefully. I'd plan on a trip that just happens to take me past where he is and ask if he's available for lunch or something.

    There could be nothing at all going on here - or there could be something. You decide what you think your level of involvement should be, and how much you're willing to commit to fulfilling it.

  6. David Says:

    Ryan if it was me i would not push it but i would make a friendly visit to see him.

    you can push and force action but you do need to be a friend and let him know you care.

    a friendly visit may help give you a better feel for the situation but like i said you don't want to pressure you just want to be a friend.

    there is really nothing you can do until he is ready but you need to let him know he has a friend and support in you for if and when he is ready to take action

  7. lauradeth Says:

    I'm not saying this is but my friend is in an violent relationship not always violent because even her girlfriends words scare her to death. She pays for everything because her girlfriend refuses to work.

    I've tried talking to her but she makes up excuses of why she can't leave or screams that nothing is wrong.

    You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

    You're friend may be thinking, he's been unlucky before and has found someone who wants him and is willing to ignorant, for lack of a better word, of the situation he's found himself in.

    Carry on being his friend, or maybe even ask if you can visit because you haven't seen him in awhile but don't push the issue. If he wants to talk, he will.

    I hope it isn't abusive! xx

  8. Everyone has pretty sound advice here. I say let him know you are his friend and are there for him if he needs you, but he's going to have to make his own bed so to speak.

    But I do also know what you mean about wanting to step in and make sure everything is ok. Sometimes you just have to let folks make their own mistakes (if that's what this is) and then be there for them when they need you.

  9. jimm Says:

    I kinda agree with Austin. It's probably better to stay out of it, but if you go, don't go alone.

  10. Jay M. Says:

    Stay in touch, let him know you're still his friend no matter what. Try to find a way to talk to him in confidence and let him know if there's a problem you'll listen. And try to remember this:
    Most asked for advice is unheeded and most unasked for advice is unwanted.

    Peace <3