I'm Confused

I got this friend he says he's straight I've know him for years I mean like we met in grade school. He has never acted like he like guys we've even talked about it and he told me he was okay with me being gay and it didn't change are friendship at all. He has been a good friend as far as friends go and when he started dating it was girls and he has had a few long term with girls so I never thought anything about him being anything but straight.

The other day he calls said he coming down to Disney world and said he would like to come visit and wanted me to meet someone. I said sure come on over spend the night and we can catch up and talk about old times. So when he shows up he has this boy with him now I say boy cause the guy looked like a boy I found out he was 19 and my friend is 25 that not a big deal to me the age thing as long as the person is of age I could careless. What confused me was he has a guy with him.

He introduces us to his friend but he didn't say this is my boyfriend, husband or anything. When I introduce Kadin I said this is my husband. Now this guy Bryan said how awesome and you could tell he was family (gay) he wasn't a flamer but you could tell he was family. So me and my mouth I finally said so Bryan your gay right? He said oh hell yes I haven't had pussy since it had me. I'm like oh and he is redneck like me how cool!

Finally got my friend alone and I just came right out and ask him. Ross what gives? I said we've talked about the gay thing before and you told me you wasn't into guys. He said I wasn't and I still don't know if I'm totally into them he said there is something about Bryan that draws me to him and I find him so hot and sexy and I can't get enough of him. He went on to tell me that he is normally the top but has let Bryan top him. But he also says he don't think he is gay maybe bi but only for this guy.

My question I guess cause this confuses me so much how can a guy who has never been with a guy all his life all the sudden be in love with one and have sex with him? I mean I have known since I was a little boy I mean back in kindergarten I knew I was gay hell I would check out all the cute boys. How can Ross all of the sudden have these feelings and say he don't find any other guy cute but he does Bryan?

Your thoughts? Cause it got me confused!
13 Responses
  1. Just a guy Says:

    Ryan, I think we are going to see an uprising of people like your friend Ross. I am of the firm belief that you fall in love with the person, not the gender.

    I have known a couple of folks that have gone decades without having homosexual thoughts and/or tendencies. Then one day, they are suddenly "drawn" towards a friend or person of the same gender that happens to be homosexual.

    Some people, like you and me, have known since we were young and are comfortable in our skin. And because of this, it can be easy to be confused or misunderstood by those not like us.

    Let us not worry about whom our friends fall in love with but rather celebrate that our friends have found love in whatever form.


  2. ryan field Says:

    I'm like you, Ryan. I've always known.

    But I have friends who didn't know until they were way older. I know one guy who was married, had kids, and didn't come out until he was in his fifties.

    It's interesting how people can block it out. Same goes for women I know.


  3. Ric/Teddytoy Says:

    Ryan.. I like you have known for years.. many guys however hide or fight the feelings for a number of reasons. Not everyone is as secure in their sexuality as you and some of us have been. They were taught that the feelings were wrong or they saw how someone was bullied or they were afraid that someone would find out and they would get in trouble.
    I've known some who have hid their feelings till their 40's or longer. Many of these guys denied who they were for a very long time and when they finally accept themselves they usually go about it very quietly and almost secretive at first. Others are like teens and can't get enough.
    Your friend is more like the more secretive type. He is just learning to accept himself and needs his friends like you to accept him and continue to be a friend to him. He will eventually open up more but it will take time. Just support him and answer any questions he may have.


  4. mary gresham Says:

    Ryan, I think your friend is telling you the truth. There are some people out there who have as men, dated and loved no one but females. But then, there's this guy who comes along and they see no one but this guy. It hits them hard, they know they are straight, but what they feel for this person, it's beyond anything they have ever felt for any other person, male or female. They know this is it. So, yes, although he might be straight, but for this one person, he is gay. He doesn't feel attracted to any other guy, just this one.
    Now, while I am not gay, you aready know I have a few problems of my own that I am not talking about publically, but Ryan, I have told you about it. So, while it might be somewhat confusing, it is still very possible for it to happen. I would suggest you talk more to your friend about it, maybe he can help you to understand more and I don't think he would be offended if you ask him to help you understand. I think that is the only way you will.


  5. lauradeth Says:

    I really hate to label but there are a lot of people out there who are the same situation as your friend Ross.

    Some call themselves Pansexual basically they don't care about gender etc. I'm not saying your friend is but just food for thought.

    If your friend's happy with this guy, then I don't think whether he likes girls or boys is an issue. Good luck to him anyway.

    And I think it's cute you call Kadin, your husband :)


  6. Panhandle Bob Says:

    I was in love with this kid in high school - this was back in 1973 I might add. And dear God I was in love with him. But he was straight...SUPER-straight. Never let me touch him. Girlfriend...eventually married her...daughter...house in the suburbs...the whole nine yards. Then one day recently he got my phone number from FB and called me up: Divorced, lonely, life in the toilet. Likes guys now, and wants to "get reacquainted" (after 40 years). Wants to come down to Florida...maybe move here...maybe move IN with me...maybe finish what we never started in the first place? I was like WTF!? And oh yeah, he likes dressing up in women's clothes now. Double-WTF!

    I guess it just takes some people longer than others to come to terms with it - to figure out who they are. You're lucky, Ryan, you always knew. Me too ;) Evidently my friend suppressed his natural urges for as long as he could.

    Your friend Ross probably cannot even let his brain think of himself as gay. And yet he is. So let's be happy for him that he's finally starting to accept himself. At least he got around to it sooner than my friend. So cut him some slack and welcome him to the fambly!

    (And no, I did not take my h.s. buddy up on his kind offer to be my BF instead of my BFF. I'm not in love with him anymore and don't know if I could be again. Too much time has passed. We're very different people now than when we were young. We're not skinny, cute sixteen year-olds anymore. It'd be ugly, man, ugly.)


  7. Jay M. Says:

    There's lots of reasons why he suddenly had a "change of heart". It's quite possible he's been bi or gay all his life, but for whatever reason - and there are a lot of good reasons, he hid it well, or like me, suppressed it so deeply that it just wasn't a factor in his life until BAM! He meets the "one" guy that unlocks it all. Sure, it's confusing, but it's all good. He's still the guy you've known all your life. So embrace the new side of Ross that you never knew until now.

    Peace <3
    Jay


  8. Austin Says:

    Sexuality isn't binary. Definitions - you can read that as "limits" and "boundaries" if you like - are there for ease and our benefit in communication, but the fact that we try to fit the spectrum of reality into nice neat ribbon-tied boxes doesn't mean reality's going to go along with the idea.

    Stop worrying about what to call someone other that "friend" :) Everything else is just a detail.


  9. elise Says:

    Ryan--I think a great example of a seemingly straight guy falling for another guy, and not having sex with or being interested in any other guys is Brokeback Mountain.

    I know it's fiction, but the author wrote this story after researching, interviewing and observing real guys, so I believe it really is "truth-based".

    Fortunately, it sounds like your friend Ross is in love with a man who can return his love, full-time (unlike poor Ennis, in BBM.)


  10. Todd Says:

    I'm like your friend. I've always gotten along with gay guys, but I've always been straight. I'm dating a girl right now, and have been for a long time. But some things happened in my life, and I've discovered that I'm attracted to men too. I'm as confused as your are. I've never really had sex with a guy, but I want to hold and kiss one. I don't have any answers for you (or me), but I know it happens.


  11. Anonymous Says:

    i am a girl who likes guys who likes guys..but i love one o£ them beyond any love i ever £elt..you can't know what that £eels like until it happens..i'm messed up bad..suicidal..because he le£t me..we were the best £riends ever..he £elt it..but i loved him too much.. audrey


  12. Anonymous Says:

    being Closer to 3 on the Kinsey scale (0=heterosexual and 6=homosexual) I know that I've been attracted to guys and girls since I was very young 4 or so, but I only know that from looking backward ...

    I'm like several people I know who rather have sex with people we like/love for reasons that don't have much to do with what parts their body has.

    I don't consider myself either Homosexual, Heterosexual. or Bisexual. Though I've had sex with more same sex partners and friends than opposite ones.


  13. Anonymous Says:

    Young 19 year old "boy" here. Possibly your friend is going through an early midlife crisis and wants to experience youth in a new light. I have met and been with older gentlemen in that same circumstance. Its understandable. But they should stay true to themselves. Best of luck to your friend for happiness. Toodles. ~Joshua~