Personal Pain

Got a few emails said they missed the days when I posted about my life and how things were going on in it. Said that they were the best posts I ever did after thinking about it they may be right. So here a post that's personal and very deep. If someone would have told me a year and a half ago I would be where I am now I would have looked at them and called them a liar.

Yes I've been pretty open about my life but I haven't told everything only a few people who read this knows everything about me and the reason I told them is I trust them totally. I never thought I would be where I am now in my life. But here I am and I don't like where I am and don't like what I see. In thought I was doing everything I could to dig myself out of this hole I'm in but as soon as I get ahead I get knock back down.

I honestly want to just give up but I can't cause I have people depending on me along with a dog and a cat that I promised to take care of. I'm working three jobs just to get by and that's not enough. I wish I could feel in all the details but I can't and I'm not the type of guy that ask for help if I can't do it or get it on my own then I don't want it. I just keep looking for the light at the end of this dark tunnel but I just can't see it. 

So I'm going to take a step back from everything to see if I can get things right again. If I don't post for a while or if I'm not facebook of twitter please understand its just not in me anymore right now. Thanks everyone for all the love and support over the years it's just something I have to do cause I feel like I'm losing my mind and if I keep up I'm just afraid everything I post would be deep and dark and that's not me. 

I'm an ocean, because I'm really deep. If you search deep enough you can find rare exotic treasures.
Christina Aguilera
7 Responses
  1. naturgesetz Says:

    Ryan, I'm really sorry to learn that you're having such a tough time right now. Here's hoping you can find your way out of that hole you're talking about. And if you can't do it without help, I hope you'll have that help.

    Remember, the question for everybody, in every situation, good or bad, is, "Okay, what do I do now?" And there's always more than one possible answer. I hope you'll come up with good, sensible answers.

    Hang in there. God loves you.


  2. Anonymous Says:

    Ryan, You know I care about you, and wish I could help. You do what you need to do, my friend, I'll be around when you get back from your journey. I think things will work out for the better, you're a strong, smart guy. I have confidence in you!

    Peace <3

  3. ryan field Says:

    You have to just stick it out.

    If you need to just vent, e-mail me whenever you want. I won't give advice and I won't judge. I'll just listen. Sometimes that's what we need.

    On the bright side, and you have to always look on the bright side, you're young, hot, and adorable. That should count for something :) It won't fix everything, but at least it's something.

  4. mary gresham Says:

    Babe, I'm going to email you right now.

  5. Good luck my friend

  6. Ryan, I don't know what to say, of course I could say my moving to this new place almost pushed me over the edge, but that would be boastful nonsense, since I'm still here.

    In other words, I'm really sorry for being late, again & I'm wishing you all the best from my heart. Not a phrase, just simply true, you appear as a mark on my inner history, and that's pretty personal.

    God bless you, dear. He better will!

  7. Jason Shaw Says:

    I wonder how far along you are on this journey of yours in taking a step back to get things better for you. I hope it is all going well, that you have found a good way forward.

    Just know that there are those out here in blog land that are wishing you well and hoping you'll be updating us again soon.