Kadin warned me that when my family left I would get depressed he was right. All day yesterday I was sad and then this morning I woke up crying. Kadin woke up with me and ask if I was missing my family. I told him I was but more than that I had a dream about my Grandma that past away in January. I didn't make it home before she passed I'm sure ya'll remember the post back then. I love my Grandparents from England I do very much but my Grandma here I was real close with. Me not making it home before she passed has laid heavy on me and I feel so guilty I didn't get to kiss her tell her I loved her and we would meet again one day. I did all I could to get there but it wasn't good enough she was gone when I got there. It will be a year soon and I still feel so damn guilty. I hope she knows I tried and I love her very much. She loved Christmas so much she made Christmas for me so much fun. She used to pay me to sing Christmas songs she used to tell me she loved hearing me sing. I would give everything I own just to sing too her one more time. I need to go I can't even see what I'm writing for the tears I'm sorry. This was her favorite Christmas song said it reminded her of Grandpa.
6 Responses
  1. Hey Buddy,
    I truly believe that the people we love never die when we keep the memories of them alive in our mind. Though they are not physically present, they are emotionally all there. Stay focused and keep up the good work.

  2. Octavius Says:

    Aww dude I am in the exact same position..., well accept the singing I couldn't sing to save my life, but everything else definitely. I didn't even know until it was too late.

    Trust me though, she knows, and you will see her again..., but not yet. Chin up mate, it gets better I promise.

    Courage and Honour!


  3. naturgesetz Says:


    I hope you can stop blaming yourself for what wasn't your fault. And don't go saying, "if only I did this or that differently …" As a Christian, I believe that we live on after our life on this earth is over. You will see her again and she will know your love and you will know hers.

    I actually think that God lets the people in heaven know what's happening on earth. If I'm right about that, your grandma already knows how sad you are that you didn't get there in time for the final good bye. But even if I'm wrong, at least you'll be able to tell her when the Lord calls you home.

    So, as I say, I hope you can stop torturing yourself. You love her and she loves you.

    *hugs and kisses*

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Sweetheart...She knew how much you
    love her...Believe me...It's hard
    I know...The last thing she wants
    is for you to feel bad...
    Let the happy memories be what
    keeps you happy...That is what she
    would want...Just ask your mom...

    I love to hear you sing too :) You
    need to post some of your singing
    on here...

    Loves ya VERY MUCH!


  5. mikey Says:

    hey ryan, hang in there .... she knows u love her and its toly not ur fault that u dint make it there in time ... i know its easy to say that but hard to believe it, but its true.

    sounds like u guys had a fun thanksgiving, ur family sounds cool, i told ty im a lil jealous


  6. Just Says:

    So agree , I know she knew you love her ... I know it would of been easier for you for closure... But she knew , just look at the people around you in real life ... they know you love them it's very apparent .....I wasn't there for my grandmother either... and actually missed her by a hour... to find her room empty. But I know she knew how I feel , why I know your's did too. Sorry your feeling blue ... Hope you get to feeling better soon..and hope it gets easier , but nothing wrong with grieving and letting it go it is a process too ... hang in there .... Love Lee