Yes another post from me I know Bob and the others thinking damn why don't he just go away and stay away! Sitting with Tyler last night had lots of time to think while he was sleeping. Thought a lot about this blog and yesterday's post should I walk or not? Facebook and Myspace deleted them yesterday don't them anymore. I feel the same way about this blog but there is a little part of me that can't delete it. I tried to figure out what that part is and I finally think I found out what. Before I get into that I want to take you back to me and school. I was never good in school and to be honest with you I cheated me through school I did. I hated school not for learning or the school work it was the other kids the bullies. The few of you that has been with me from day one of blogging has heard these stories from me before maybe not as much in details as I'm gonna lay out now. Only person that will understand some of this is Jimm and I'm not using this as an excuse Bob I'm just stating a fact.

In school I was picked on at first it was the small kid that wore glasses and had hearing aids. Later was same reason and then throw in being called gay, queer, cocksucker. Didn't matter if I was out or not they decided I was gay and so it stuck. I would lie to my Mom about being sick just so I could stay home from school. I lied to my Dad about how I got bruises cause I didn't want him to know that his son was a coward. I had 2 friends in school all the way threw k to 12 I'm still friends with them today. Even them 2 friends at some point hurt me but I'm past that and understand why they did what they did at the time. High school was a little easier only a little. I still got pick on even got the sick beat out of me from my teammates on the baseball team just cause I was gay. I paid for homework once I did get high school cause I miss so much. I lost the will to learn the correct way to read and write but I didn't know having this blog meant I was in a spelling bee or something. I'm sorry if my writing or grammar has cause any of you hardship.

Bob I have to ask why you come here? You say for my train wreck of life. You get off on other people problems? So I'm growing up I have to learn as I go isn't that what life is all about. So I made some stupid mistakes drinking & driving was stupid and I admitted to that and I paid my debt for my mistake. If I give you much joy that you must come to my blog for joy then welcome. My readers never once have I ask for comments or brag if I get 1 or 50. You say they kiss me ass please they will set my straight if they think I'm wrong trust me Carl is the first to set me right. I will say this in as mean as way as I can on here bitch when it comes to Tyler you shut the fuck up you don't know what happen and don't blame him for the wreck when you don't know you fuckwad! Take that and stick it up your grammar ass! As far as the nudity and I think that's why you come here hoping to get a cock shot or something. But the nudity at my house and teenagers don't worry about nudist have rights. Call who you want and report me my Dad will be standing by. He's in Tampa right now working on some things with his job he will be there until tomorrow.

You people what to know what scares me the most is? Bob keep saying if I put my info out on my blog like he does then he will share with us his blog. This scares the heck out of me that this crazy panhandling dude what's my address and phone number. Yeah this scars me that he has said it now a few times. I'm thinkin I should be worried here!

To Blog or not to blog? Thinking on it maybe I'll go private. I'll let you know!

Now my fans lets all comment since Bob thinks I do theses post for comments.
Let's not let the old son of a bitch down!
20 Responses
  1. Bret Says:

    Glad to see another post Ryan.

    I guess some people just cant seem to grow up and not make others as miserable as them.

    Take care and hope Ty is getting better.

  2. Ryan
    I hope you find the determination to keep the blog going. If there's one thing I loathe it's arseholes who hide behind anonymity to make cruel and hurtful comments, particularly against people who are in a vulnerable place, which you certainly are!

    I've been lucky on my blog and haven't any of these shitheads try to dump on me yet, but given the things I say about my life I guess it's only a matter of time.

    Don't let these bastards get to you, there's a lot of us here who really care for you, and Ty of course, and I for one would be very sorry to lose you.

    Love to you and Ty
    Old Midhurstian

  3. Anonymous Says:

    Ryry, I will miss you if you stop blogging. I'm an old fart that doesn't know shit about twittering or myspace. Blogs are supposed to be fun. Some use them to vent. Those who read blogs just to find fault are a mystery to me. I was bullied all through school too. I was the smallest boy in class and not good at sports. Every day I would get punched in the stomach or have my books knocked out of my hands. (we didn't have backpacks then) One guy made me give him my lunch money or he would hit me below teh belt. I couldn't tell anybody because I was too embarrassed. Now when I see one of these guys they can't look me in the eyes. I want you to have a good life and if it means no more blogs I'll get over it. Just know you will have a friend in me until the day I die. hugs, Old man Ed

  4. justaguynatl Says:

    Don't let anyone bully you into giving more information than you are comfortable giving...definitely don't give any contact info...Bob's a wacho - ignore him...that'll piss him off :)

  5. Dr. Panhandle Bob Says:

    Ryan, listen here. I don't have to justify to you or anyone why I "come here" and read your blog. It is on the internet; it is PUBLIC. I don't come here for any possible nudity. Believe me, there is plenty of that on the internet if you want it. In fact, your brother has plenty of links to...basically...gay-porn sites on his blog.

    But turn the question around: Why do YOU come here? Do you get off on writing about your problems for other people to read? Thank you, I thought so.

    Now, about being bullied. You're not the only one who was ever bullied in school. You weren't even bullied the "worst" of anyone else on the planet. End of story. Get over it.

    As for Ty's accident. No, I do not know what happened. But it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out. He was preparing for a race on his DIRTBIKE. So, a single-vehicle accident, right? Hit something, right? High rate of speed, right? What...I must be a GENIUS!! But let me ask again: Was he wearing a helmet?

    About you. I don't care about your last name or any other information of yours. Seriously. I don't. You can be anonymous if you like. You can come on here, spewing your little rants about whatever pisses you off. You can insult people, call them names...whatever you want! And you can do it anonymously - AS YOU DO. But don't be angry at others for not divulging their names here either. As some aging perv from Britain might say, fair's fair, old bean!

    Finally, your veiled threat of having your daddy handle me is more than a little funny. See, it's your dad who will likely get in trouble from FL CPS. See, it is HIS underage son whom he is allowing to be endangered by being in your environment of gay nudity and alcohol. I know you think your dad is Superman, but let me tell you, mister, I've seen bigger guys than him go down.

    I'm sure most of your regular respondents will pat you on the head and hug you (metaphorically) and softly tell you how wonderful you are and how you should just ignore that mean, old, nasty Bob guy from the western part of the state. They'll tell you -anonymously, of course- that you should NEVER have to put up with any criticism in life, especially on your very PUBLIC blog! Good heavens, no! People like this are called "enablers." They would probably prefer that you remain a child forever.

    Problem is, you're growing up, dude. Sooner or later you're going to have to start acting like an adult. Part of that is accepting criticism, shrugging, saying "thank you" and moving on without ranting like a spoiled child.

    As I've said, Ryan, you're probably a good kid. You're just a little screwed-up is all. However, it's made for some great entertainment over the last couple of years!

  6. Anonymous Says:


    Long time reader, first time commenter.

    What I'm seeing here is that this Bob character is jealous.

    He claims to have a blog but won't share it and I think I know why.

    Ryan you write whatever and people relate to that, maybe the grammar is bad but we understand.

    Ryan writes and people comment, Bob I bet if you actually have a blog you write and yet you get no where with it, no comments or readers

    Bob what you have is a big case of jealousy, well that and the fact that you are a big asshole.

    Dr. Daytona

  7. Panhandle Bob Says:

    Dr. Daytona: "Bob what you have is a big case of jealousy, well that and the fact that you are a big asshole."

    Wow, such hatred! And from another supposed "professional" (doctor?). And anonymous hatred! Of course, anonymous hatred. *I* cannot be anonymous, but all of *you* can, izzatso?

    Hey, if you're gonna call me an asshole ("big asshole" at that!), the LEAST you can do is do it to my face and tell me your real name. Oh nooooooooooooo, the rules you want me to follow don't apply to YOU!


  8. Anonymous Says:

    It does so seem to me that this
    'Bob' person really likes to
    push buttons...I bet he takes
    candy away from babies and pushes
    old people into traffic...
    I bet he don't even have a
    boyfriend cause of the way he is...

    Apparently he does want to see you
    in the nude...Cause if he didn't
    he wouldn't be begging you to put
    your full name, address and phone
    number up here...
    Bob, have you heard Ryan's voice?
    I have, and I love to hear him...
    Have you ever gotten a letter
    from him? I have, and I love his
    writing...Have you ever been told
    by your child that their wallet
    got stolen and they were hundreds
    of miles away from home on a band
    trip only to have Ryan on his
    way to Western Union to send him
    money so he could eat dinner???
    Have you ever heard the hurt in
    Ryan's voice when he thought his
    brother wasn't gonna get anything
    for Christmas??? He was ready to
    go out and get everything that was
    on his list for him...
    Ryan has a heart of gold...He isn't
    always perfect, he doesn't always
    listen but he is my son...He has
    his ups and downs and everything
    Please just back off now and go
    back to your 'blog' and leave
    this one alone...


  9. Ryan
    I wouldn't normally demean myself by responding to the likes of Panhandle Bob but I'll make an exception in this case, I'm only sorry that you've been caught in the middle.

    All I have to say, Mr Anonymous, is that my identity is in no way hidden and I do not hide anything about myself from the world. Admittedly both my Google & Wordpress blogs are inactive but that's because I've moved to my own domain. If you want to come and comment please feel free I'm at http://www.oldmidhurstian.co.uk/ The only reason I moderate comments is to stop spam, if you've got something to say come on over and say it, I'm certainly not afraid to publish your comments.


  10. Aaron Says:

    With all due respect to Ryan and Bob, I do see both your points but Bob, I would give you the benefit of a doubt but the way you are attacking Ryan is a tiny bit unnecessary I think. Yeah, he needs to learn about resilience, but at the same time, I think we need to draw a line on criticism and insult. Having said that, I cannot deny the fact that what you wrote is any less true than what Ryan wrote. But maybe "attacking" (I would use criticising but I can't) someone on their blog, as public as it is, is quite mean to be honest. *shrugs* You don't attack someone in any public place usually - and I think exploiting the luxury of anonymity of the internet to attach someone is rude. But like I said, I do get where you're coming from.

    Send me an email and we'll talk more beautifoolchaos@gmail.com, Bob.

    And Ryan, look within yourself and find what matters to you and your life. The external factors that influence your life by no means should alter your life's principles, dreams and goals unless it makes you a better person. No one knows you better than yourself - if we can change to be a better person from the criticisms and insult, do it. Otherwise, keep your head cool, heart warm and feet on the ground. And remember what are the values you hold on tight to. :) Lots of love.

  11. Just Says:

    Hey Ryan ... not going to give this thing anymore time ... Dude you have a lot more postive traits than you do negative.

    Your a awesome person. Who has touch many people online and off ...

    Hope you giving Ty just a little hell, man can't wait until he is home. Where he belongs

    Hope you all are hanging in there...

    Ryan's mom ... you have ever right to be proud only have deal with Ryan and Ty ..but know Cody has to rock too. but deal enough to know you have a amazing family.
    I am thrill Ty is going to be o.k. can't wait until this is all a memory for all of you.
    Don't worry about Panda Bob .. trust me many more see Ryan for what he truly is , then what Bob sees.......... I for one am blessed to have deal with Ryan and Ty ... look forward to many more if I am lucky ...
    but that said .. really just want the best for all of you ...
    no matter what happens .. that what matter more than anything ...
    Love Lee
    Love Lee

  12. Octavius Says:

    Hornet's nest indeed! Like Aaron I have to admit that the guy has a point..., one of my favourite sayings is "If you stick your head above the trenches..., you're going to get it shot at." We all do it on our blogs. But then I was under the impression that that was what the blogs were for. Kinda like a diary of sorts, only in a public space.

    However, how he is putting his point across is just plain wrong. I have never liked bullies, and I doubt I ever will. In school I was never bullied, I was always to strong and self assured for that..., even when I came out, oh yes I came out at school. But I could see that others were, sometimes in the most worst ways..., it was them that I always stood up for. I don't want to sound like i'm some sort of crusader, but if you make a point of having a code of honour, then you must stand by it.

    Ryan I can totally understand what it must have been like for you in school, and I am really sorry that you had to go through that. But then, such is life I am afraid. There will always be people that like to "Bag" on others. It tends to make them feel bigger and better about themselves.

    I think I have said it before..., I haven't been here that long, but in that time you have struck me as a person worth knowing. If you do decide to go, then I will miss you, if you stay then I am here for the long haul.

    If all that makes me an "Enabler" then so be it! Sometimes people need to be enabled in order to continue living. I doubt you do Ryan, you have a great family and some pretty good friends. I doubt you even need a broken down old guy from New Zealand telling you all this, but I care. And I'm proud to know you, and your brother..., even if it is only a little bit.

    Courage and Honour!


  13. CreamedHoney Says:


    You've got to remember that a certain portion of the American population is certifiably crazy--a kind of "lunatic fringe." Your site has certainly attracted a few of them. Best to just ignore them, delete their comments and deal with your sane readers who enjoy hearing about you.
    We'd certainly miss youif you were gone.

  14. ryan field Says:

    Comment moderation works well.

  15. ryan field Says:

    Ha, Ryan...I didn't know you'd already put comment moderation on...lol

  16. Hope Says:

    (Hey sorry it's taken me soo long to get back to ya.)

    First off.

    Bob.. GO SUCK COCK. These boys are fucking amazing, and ryan is the absolute SHIT. So stop hating cause you cant get any comments. And sure who cares even if Ryan did come on here for some fucking comments.
    REALLY...? I blog too, and you know what..? I come on hoping i have comments!! DOES THAT MAKE ME BAD TOO..? People like them deserve atention like that. He gets commments because he's fucking sweet,kind,caring,and amazing. SO why can't you just except that..?

    People like him make people commit suicide because he thinks he's such a big bad ass. Well he's not. And it's not kewl at all. Seriously, get a life.

    Ryan hun, if you delete your blog..just know to him he's won. He got you mad enough to do it, and he'll think he's the shit. Well dissapoint his ass. Stay. AND POST ALOT. Just to piss him off. Your a great blogger and you have no reason to delete cause of some fucking creeper. Your more of a man than he'll EVER be. Know that..and take pride in it.

    I want you to stay..becuase i wanna be apart of your future posts...i couldnt know or be there for you in your beggening of blogging..but I'm here now. Dont stop posting.

    I hope you find a happy medium..It only matters if your happy. SO hun...do what you need to do.


    I know we just meet but i feel like your my lil bro too.^^
    Speaking of which tell my bebe(Ty) To get better and be good.Lol.

    Love ya hun. Dont stress.


  17. icharus Says:

    I don't know why old losers like Bob lurk on blogs like these anyway. The whole thing of trying to relive their youth vicariously through guys like ryan is messed up. just because they missed out on life while they were in the closet, they are jealous of young guys who are living by their own rules....that's what attracts people to blogs like this one - too bad it doesn't repel the losers, too. old dudes like bob basically become the people that kept them in the closet in the first place, and then get mad when people call them out for being manipulative.

  18. Matt Says:

    BOB: I have one thing to say to you "NUDE IS NOT LEWD"!!.. I became a naturist in April, and it has been one of the best things I've ever done and with the right people it can definitely be an awesome experience.

    Ryan never said that he was the only one that was ever bullied in school, but I personally was bullied in school as Ryan was and it is not a pleasant experience at all and it has taken me years to get past some of those feelings, I remember several times where I would BEG my parents to sell the house so we could move, as I just couldn't take it anymore.

    Last comment to you Bob, Ryan is more adult that you will ever be. It takes alot of inner strength to be able to come in front of an audience and show your difficulties and problems to the world, rather than hiding and pretending everything is ok, when your feeling totally destroyed inside, and keeping things bottled up like a bottle of soda that being shaken eventually if nothing is ever done, the bottle will explode, which is never a good thing.

    Be strong, and everything will work out, know that there are many of us out here that care alot about you and wish you nothing but the best in life, and for Tyler to continue on his road to recovery.


  19. Eirik Says:

    Hey Ryan - sorry it takes me a while to get back sometimes and I think I came in on this one late, but for what it is worth - Bob is a DICK! It is easy to bash when you don't have to face up to the people you are bashing. Sounds like dude is an absolute coward; probably lurks on the twink sites too. You know the type: overweight, wears a lot of polyester, loves star wars, has his own set of vulcan ears and has all the collectables! lol.

    It is easy for me to say since I am not the one getting his shit, but I would remain true to yourself. Nobody is enabling you. From what I have seen, you are your own man and you have owned up to all your mistakes that I know of. YOu got my respect for what that is worth.

    Love and hugs bro!

  20. elise Says:

    ooohh--I missed a lot in the past few days.....just writing to say hi Ryan...and keep getting better Ty.....sending love and hugs, of course...