Ryan's Life

I ask people on here and my facebook page to share there pride story or coming out story this week and I have not been let done so thank you keep them coming. Today is Peter Cotrona I don't know Peter that well yet he is a facebook friend and can't wait to get to know him better. Here's Peter story in his own words.........

You would think my parents would have known. I shared a bedroom with my two younger brothers. Their side of the room had pictures of astronauts, and football players, my side of the room had pictures of Shaun Cassidy, Donny Osmond, and John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. At night my parents let us listen to music on our record player, my brothers wanted rock music, while I, being the older brother, wanted showtunes. HMMMM.
During Jr. HIgh School, and High School, I dated girls and made out with a few, but that is all I wanted to do. One girl I was dating in High School told everyone, we broke up because I was too much of a "gentleman" and we made out a few times, but that is as far as I wanted to go. When it came down to doing the "deed", I just couln't do it. I had no interest. Meanwhile I was having constant oral sex with a boy up the street. Now this I liked. And often would leave my girlfriends house to go over to his.
My dad was not one of those macho men, but i knew his opinion on homosexuality and it was not good. My mother was the disciplinarian of the family and was very strict. She and I would often go head to head on her opinion of the way I should lead my like and the way I was going to lead my life. Anyway, I remember this one day, my mother and I got into a discussion about a boy in my class who was very flamboyant. She asked me if I knew what gay was. My face got red, my body got warm, I was dizzy, and I said no timidly. She then asked me if I had those feelings, I mumbled out of my mouth no. And it was dropped.
The time I turned 15 and a rage of hormones, I discovered a mall bathroom that had a glory hole. Even though I knew it was wrong I was there a couple times a week. There I could do what I enjoyed the most, and be anonomous. As I look back now, I realize it was just me not feeling good about myself, and fulfilling the needs that were void.
My parents being very strict made us go to church every Sunday, and we quite involved in church activities. This lead to me going to a Christian College in Pa. and studying to become a Baptist Minister.
With my new found freedom, away from my parents I came out to myself. I had not told anyone else, but I at least admitted it to me. I started dating the only guy at school I thought was gay, secretly of course. But it was only sexual. After I graduated and went to bars in Philly all these classmates of mine, came out of the closet. Little Late!
Halfway through my second year at college my father passed away. I never told him I was gay and I regret the fact he never knew who I really was.
After the death of my father his dream of me becoming a minister, ate at me, and the calling was not there. I changed my major and graduated with a B.A. in Sociology.
After I graduated I decided to get a job in Pa. as this was where I felt comfortable, and safe. I was out to myself and my friends, and everyone around me, but still not to my family.
I started seeing someone a few years after graduating college and this was my first relationship. It was wonderful and lasted 8 years. Todd was his name, and even though I had a one bedroom apartment, and I brought him to my brother's wedding we were just "roommates". lol I guess this raised some red flags with my brother's and I eventually came out to them. But asked them not to tell our mom. And they respected that, until I was ready.
My mother was always a tough person to get along with, she was very set in her ways. She was the mother and father of the family now, and she and I didn't get along very well. She had her ideas, I had mine. I felt strange even telling her I love her. It didn't feel natural. I don't know why, I never will know why, it just was the way it was.
But yet I didn't want to dissappoint her and tell her her oldest son is not what you think.
This did not last long into my relationship with Todd, and one night after a couple cocktails, I was going to drop the bomb. I was happy in my relationship with Todd, and I needed her to know it. Whether she accepted it or not. I got on the phone, my hands shaking, thinking this is the most difficult thing I will ever have to do. She answered the phone, unexpectedly knowing I was about to reveal my biggest revelation to her. As I tried to get the words out of my mouth, I danced around the subject. Talking about Todd, and his life, and his family. Then my mother said out with it. are you trying to tell me you are gay. This time, I said firmly "Yes"> There was a little silence, and then WHAM!!!!!!.
My mother tell me knew. Not only did she know, but, but, she tell me she if gay too, and happily seeing a women. WHAT??? Did I hear correctly. Yes I did. All this nervousness, 24 years of hiding, and not being who I was. And my mother comes out to me the same time I come out to her.
After this revelation, our relationship became close, and we became best friends. I could go to here honestly now when I hurt, or when I was happy.
Three years ago, she was diagnosed with a rare cancer called Amyloidosis. I moved from Pa. to become her caretaker, and the doctors gave her three years. Unfortunately she only lasted one year. So I now live here in Ct. I lost my best friend ,and I feel like we just met. Why did I take so long to tell her?
Don't wait. Whatever the consequences are at least you are honest to yourself, and who knows, Maybe you'll gain a best friend.