Last Curtain Call

Not sure why I'm doing a post when really I don't want to but I feel like I have too. So here it is seems like every 5 or 6 months like clock work I get the emails and comments on being a fake or fraud or whatever the fuck you want to call it. I'm tired folks of fighting these people and defending myself this past weekend honestly it has just drain me. I told my family that I was done with all this and that is the way I'm leaning. That's why I haven't been on here of fb just so sick of it. I know some of you asking right now why you let it get to you well this is why 6 years I have gave everything to this blog and a couple years to fb and myspace. The blog was my babt my way out of drama from school and people who hated me. I pour my heart and soul into it open myself for all the world to see. Made some great friends who would put me into check from time to time and sometimes I needed it.

I never thought hate or jealousy would follow me on the blog but it's been right here from the start. So yes it's really got to me and I ask do I really want to share anymore of my life and I'm thinking no I don't. I want to say the haters no believers ok you win and I'm done. I have questions though I look at it like they do ok so what if I'm fake so what if I'm a liar have I hurt anybody have I ask for money or ask for anything at all? I remember giving but never have I ask for one fucking thing. I gave away gift card, movies, t-shirts and never once have I ever ask for 1 fucking cent from anyone so if I was fake who have I hurt? The blog when it makes money from ads never once did I keep it it went to the humane society and I have proof of that. I didn't charge for ads that help the gay community. The funny thing is there are about I don't know least over a 150 people that at one point read this blog that knows where I live they have my address the last 2 or 3 years I have sent out Christmas cards and have received them so again why would I do that if I had something to hide?

I just think the time has come to say goodbye and move on and just keep my life to me and my friends. I have made some great friends from this and facebook and I will always cherish that and those of you know who I'm speaking of know how to get a hold of me. So you win you got what you want you ran me off I'm just sick and tired of fighting believe I'm real believe I'm fake I don't give a fuck anymore. July 14 my birthday will be the end of this blog and I will delete it that day so if you want to say your goodbyes please do so before then.

To those that sent Tyler emails for my birthday I seen then thank very much he told me what he had plan and ya'll that sent him something for that day was very sweet.

Thanks for a wonderful 6 years and the Friendships!
18 Responses
  1. Mr. Urs Says:

    Many thanks for having been here for us all these years. Godspeed!

  2. naturgesetz Says:

    I can't imagine why anyone would think you're fake. There are a very few blogs that seem made up for one reason or another, but yours isn't one. I don't know why people get their jollies out of making these accusations. I think they're sick in the head.

    I'll be very sorry to see you go, especially because it's these low-lifes who are driving you to it. But I understand that your peace of mind is more important than keeping your readers informed.

    So let this good-bye be my best wishes for every time I'd have said it if you kept on blogging, my happy birthday for this week's and every birthday, my encouragement for every time you are in trouble, sorrow, or pain, my get well for every time you're sick, my congratulations for every success, my I love you for all your life.

    May God always bless you and draw you ever closer to himself.

  3. Brian Says:

    I wish you the best in life. Good luck for a great future.

  4. Frankly, I do not know what to say, I was just about to send my mail to Tyler. All the best and thanks.

  5. Bret Says:

    Take care Ryan and you know how to get ahold of me if need be!!

    Glad to have met you!!

  6. ryan field Says:

    I hate to see you go. I do know how you feel. I get nasty fb messages/comments all the time and I just delete them and ignore them. I got one the other day from some guy trashing my hair color and it really hurt. I have to use comment moderation on my blog only because there are some hateful people out there, and some are from gay men. I get all kinds of obscene comments that make me feel icky. I hate doing comment moderation, but I don't want my other readers to see the negative stuff.

    But I really do know how you feel, and I also know that you're real, you're blog is real, and everything you do is wonderful and real!!

    So if you truly feel this way, I'm not going to tell you to stick it out. I'd like to see you change your mind because I know you've helped a lot of lurkers and silent blog readers over the years with your posts and comments. I used to get letters from your readers telling me how much they love reading your blog. But it's your decision.

    But you'd better keep in touch with me. I don't want to lose you altogether!! I need my baby bro!!

  7. Anonymous Says:

    Now I know I have a heart because I can feel it breaking. Ryry, I wish you all the best life has to offer.
    As God is my witness I will never forget you, if you want to forget me I'll understand but,Ryry, never ever believe that you will be forgot! Hugs, Ted

  8. Malia Sutton Says:

    Honey, I don't comment I just lurk. But I found your blog through a friend and I really love it.

    Sorry they can be so mean. And sorry to see you go.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    I need you ryan, you have been always so a wonderful friend. don't know how much I am going to miss you. Cannot say but what I feel, and that to loose you is hard for me, if there is some chance. but now, I am so sad that cannot have any hope... my best wishes, ryan. If someone has tried to hurt you, and for that you leave, they are my foes, they are stealing you from my life!!! I want to be your friend ever!!! Xabier Ostale xo

  10. tman Says:

    Ryan... I don't know what to say... I spent the last 4 days trying to decide whether I should do the same thing. I felt very depressed and alone. It's not easy, trying to be a beckon of light for other people- sometimes it seems like the tide just never wanes, and you find yourself beaten and beaten with nobody to help...

    I have only really followed your blog for a relatively short time, but, I've been told that I am a pretty good judge of human character, and, I am now feeling the same sadness starting to take hold in me after I thought I had successfully pushed it away... I have felt, since I found you, and understood your relationship to the boy that I prayed for,months ago, that I was reading the thoughts of a caring young man that was struggling with the challenges of life in an honest and passionate way... Now, I feel my heart breaking from the realization that if you go away, another 'soldier' has vanished, and the burden becomes a little heavier for me.
    So, I wish you would change your mind... I won't use the same arguments that I know you've heard, even if they are true... Instead, I ask you to reconsider, even tho your heart hurts... Be strong and lean on your friends a little if you have to... regroup... Take some time off and let the blog idle until you feel better about things... I know I'm asking a lot, but, I hope you reconsider... Love you, Ryan...tman<3

  11. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Ryan.. it's sad to watch you leaving - for all the reasons mentioned above. But maybe I have one more: In the beginning I too thought, that your blog is a fake. I remember, that I annoyed you with some comment. But in time I changed my mind, we even exchanged mails and you became something like a friend for me, to follow you day by day. You were truly giving a lot - and you CHANGED people!

    I hope, you reconsider your leave. Maybe you can give yourself a rest for some months and after that, decide. But whatever path you might take, here is a poem, that fits to your braveness a lot.

    Thank you!

    Simon, Berlin

    (William Ernest Henley)

    Out of the night that covers me,
    Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
    I thank whatever gods may be
    For my unconquerable soul.

    In the fell clutch of circumstance
    I have not winced nor cried aloud.
    Under the bludgeonings of chance
    My head is bloody, but unbowed.

    Beyond this place of wrath and tears
    Looms but the Horror of the shade,
    And yet the menace of the years
    Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

    It matters not how strait the gate,
    How charged with punishments the scroll.
    I am the master of my fate:
    I am the captain of my soul.

  12. Anonymous Says:

    I'm with Ryan...If this is what
    you really want then I'm not
    gonna stop you or tell you it's
    a bad wanna delete
    it then go ahead...

    I'm always gonna be by your side

    LOVES YOU!!!!


  13. Ty Says:

    ryan i will be sorry to see you go but you have to do what is best for you
    personally i have found you to be a genuine very nice guy who was willing to open up to us and i will always remember you letting me know that i'm not alone when i was feeling that way

    thx for the memories and the love man

    i wont ever forget you
    Peace, Love & Respect

    oh btw i hope you have an awesome b'day man:)

  14. jimm Says:

    Ryan, how long have i been following this blog? 3 years maybe? You've been an inspiration to a lot of people. Not just gay people, people from all walks of life. Job well done!

    Don't turn your hearing-aid off, just lower the volume now n then. You will experience a different world. One that will let your eyes explore. A world more free and refreshing.

    I'll miss you.


  15. Chuck Says:

    Dammit, 'goodbye' always sucks. I'm sad to see you go, man, but sometimes you do just have to saddle up and ride off into the sunset. Best to you and yours, Ryan. See you "around" then, I guess. If you're ever in the San Francisco area, I feel like I owe you a drink or something. Til then, right? ;) Peace.

  16. Anonymous Says:

    Too bad. I hate to see you go. I been lurking for a good long time.

  17. elise Says:

    My dear Ryan----Thank you sticking with your blog as long as you did. It's been awesome sharing your life and loves and thoughts and passions! I am honored to be your friend.

    You are a very special guy, with a heart as big as the universe. I just HATE that those nasty, jealous bullies have continued to invade your space. I guess people like that will always find a way to impose their evilness on others.

    I hope you have a very happy birthday, with people who truly love you!

    Let's stay in touch, ok?

    much love and big hugs, Elise

  18. duffmanrules Says:

    Ryan, I have been following your blog for less than a year but I have been very inspired by your devotion to your family, especially Ty, and to animal rights. It's sad that there are people in this world with nothing better to do than spread hate. It's even sadder that it's causing you to stop blogging. Take care Ryan. I will miss you and your blog.