Sad / Mad

I wasn't going to write anything most of you know from facebook what's going on. I was just going to keep my mouth shut and let things ride out but I just can't. I talked to Mom and told her that I was going to write cause it's how I deal with stuff. My parents after 25 years together decided that enough was enough and are calling it quits. I have such an issue with this more than the other kids do or more than they are showing. How in the hell after 25 years married and 30 years total can you just call it quits. I don't understand this I don't want to make them feel any worse than they already do but someone help me understand this.I know people go through this everyday and my parents aren't the first but dammit I'm not happy about this. I know me and Dad have never seen eye to eye and we have bump heads more times than I can count but for him to give up on his marriage I don't get it. I know there is more to the story than what I see or what there telling me but isn't love worth fighting for? I mean if they can't make it how in the hell can I ever find the right guy and make why should I even try. I should just stay single and not even try cause it will up the same pour 25 years in something just to watch it fall apart.Mom is here with us not sure what's going to happen next if there going to sell the place in Georgia of if Dad is keeping it. My house is full now my baby sister and my cousin is here now. Corey stayed up there with Dad cause he's in collage and he thought it best he stayed there so Dad wouldn't be alone I agreed. I don't care that my family is with me hell Mom did buy the house so it's really hers but just don't seem right and I'm really upset about this. Thanksgiving coming next week just won't be right won't feel like Thanksgiving my family wll never be a true family anymore.Fucking sucks!!!!
13 Responses
  1. I have really no clue what to answer Ryan, so this only a sign I'm wishing you and your family all the best, things like these are often a cause for much hurt and bitterness, I really hope this won't happen.

  2. ryan field Says:

    Sorry to hear it Ryan...My younger brother just went through a divorce and it wasn't easy on his kids either. And they are very young.

  3. Panhandle Bob Says:

    And on the other hand, my parents stayed together for *50* years, when they probably should have called it quits at half of that. I mean, they really were not happy, no matter how much they pretended to be to us kids.

    So, good question- How do we expect to make it work? And why bother trying? Answer: I don't know. You just do, is all. You love with all your heart, and enjoy every dang minute with your partner as if it were the last: One day you may be right. And if so, you walk away knowing that you gave it your best shot (as long as that is true).

    There are just some things we cannot explain. I'm sorry you have to go through this - but I'm more sorry for your parents. As tough as it is for you, it's got to be equally tough for them, if not more so.

    I just don't know...

  4. Rayn, my love, keep your chin up. Firstly, remember that both your parents love you and their love will not disappear just because they are getting divorced. Secondly, they've probably known they needed to go separate ways for quite some time and finally decided it was time for them to part. Not an easy decision for them to make ... Thirdly, try to be supportive of them, think of how hard it is for them - even knowing it may be the right thing to do - doesn't make it easy. Fourthly, how long you are together makes no difference to the heart - it hurts when you've only been together for two years (Like you and Kadin or with Mike) or when you've been together for 25 years.
    As humans we evolve and, in the sane chaos that is the universe, we don't always evolve in the same directions.
    Don't ever hold yourself back from loving out of fear that love may dissipate ... I've done that for almost 13 years now (since my lover killed himself after I told him it was alcohol/drugs or me - he chose the former) and I regret it and mostly feel I've lost my chance at finding love.
    So, learn from this guy ... keep your heart open to your parents, listen, love, hug ... Everyone will be fine and things will work out for the best because that is what God and the universe want.

  5. elise Says:

    Ryan, sweetie--I'm sending you my love and support.....wish I had words of wisdom for you.

    I know this really sucks, and I'm here for you if you need another, different friend to talk to. e-mail me!

    love, elise

  6. Anonymous Says:

    Dear Ryan, I am awfully sorry to hear that... It seems that their parting after such a long time is shaking your faith in love and relationships altogether.

    For me love and relationship mean to work for it together - constantly, year after year, without cease. As Aaron said: we evolve and love needs to be evolved, too. Like a tree we need to nourish it. Only then love will grow and root deeply in each other. We can't give up after some time simply because we think there are things more important. We run businesses, earn money to maintain our families. But without love it is fruitless, all in vain, founded on sand. And to love truly can even mean to let go the other if necessary: if we see, he would be better off without us. That is the hardest part: to love the other more than yourself.

    On the other hand you are right: there is no guarantee that it will work out in the end and love will overcome everything, like drug/alcohol abuse.

    But what would be the alternative? To avoid love in order not to be hurt? That would mean giving up life as a whole.

    To love might cost your life.
    But not loving means being dead already.


  7. naturgesetz Says:

    It's certainly sad when something like this happens. Who knows if there was some point where if they had done things differently, they would have wanted to stay together. As others have said, it's surely not any easy thing for them to decide. But neither of them loves you any less. Your dad will always be your dad and your mom will always be your mom.

    What hope is there for lasting love if even your parents are breaking up? Well, every couple is unique, and lots of them do manage to find a way to keep the love alive and stay together. So even if your parents are finding it necessary to split, that doesn't mean everybody does.

    Hang in there.

  8. jimm Says:

    Relationships arent jus magic. They take effort. From both sides. I guess i dont really know what to say. Im sorry for your family.

    Try 'n keep ur chin up.

  9. Matt Says:

    I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I'll pray for you and your family. I wish I knew why things like this happen....and bottom line it just sux, and I hope that you can find something to take from this in some way. Ryan, I'll keep the prayers coming.


  10. Anonymous Says:

    People grow apart...It isn't
    like things are always smiles and
    laughter...Sometimes the romance
    just leaves and neither one is
    willing to take the steps to bring
    it back or they just don't see
    any reason to...
    It is part of life and you and
    your dad do butt heads ALL the time
    on things but it's only because
    y'all are alike in more ways than
    either one of you will admitt to
    You and your siblings are still
    loved very much by both of them
    and that will never change...



  11. Anonymous Says:

    Feeling your pain and wishing I could say or do something that would help. But I can't. Be strong and know that LOTS of people love and support you.

  12. Anonymous Says:

    Ryan, I'm sorry your family is going through such a tough time. My parents divorced when I was very young which probably made it easier for me to accept their divorce. However, remember you never know what goes on in someone else's marriage. What looks like a great relationship might be different on the inside. Sometimes people fall into a habit with each other and realize that isn't how they want to live out their lives. It doesn't mean they will love their children less it just means they can no longer be with each other. Just be supportive and they will work out what is best for them. One of the hardest thing I ever learned was that my parents are people too and they have wants and desires like everyone else. Just be supportive and some day you'll look back on it and realize everyone has to search for their bliss even if it isn't how you might think it should go. My parents were never happier than when they were apart.That didn't make them failures as parents, it made them successes as human beings because you can't be a good parent if you're a miserable person. Just because their marriage fell apart doesn't mean your future relationship is doomed. We are all our own people and maybe you can learn an important lesson from this. Listen to your mother if she wants to talk, sometimes you learn more from other people's mistakes than their successes.

  13. Eric Douglas Says:


    The glaring difference and problem I see is not males showing love and affection by kissing, holding hands, etc, but rather, when talked about like in your blog and on your facebook page, it jumps directly from mere affection to nude males and sexual images. you even addressed the young folk who might be reading your blog in advice, then right below it are two naked men in bed. Give me a will not help your cause when in reality you give the impression your pushing sex more than love. Keep the naked men and the sex private from the public, not forcing in our faces,like hetros should do,