I wish I were the Tin Man

Most the time I am a happy person and will do anything to help anyone out hell yall know that as long as some of you have read this blog know I give every dime I've made from this blog has went to help gay teens or animals in someway or another. I hardly ever ask for anything for myself I think once I ask for a cd from a singer in England and someone sent it to me that was very sweet.

I at Christmas time started up a Christmas card drive cause I thought we lost touch on what Christmas was about. I can't even begin to tell you how many cards I sent out but that didn't matter cause it was fun and I got a lot of cards and was touched by each of you. I just felt it was a great idea and everyone who got into it thought it was also I'm sure of that. There again is was something that I like to do and I felt I put a smile on someone's face.

I do this blog at first was for me but over the years I think it was for me and for those who read it. So why do people I care about always seem to be the ones that hurt me the most. Like I said I don't ask for much I'm a giver but all I ask for is maybe friendship or a little understanding and I can't even get that from someone I would die for. It really hurts!!!

Maybe I should just stop putting myself out there to get hurt maybe I should just be the prick that some thing I am. Maybe end this blog end facebook and just say the hell with it all. Live my life with Kadin and just close everyone out least then I wouldn't get hurt. I really would like to be the tin man without a heart cause then mine wouldn't get broken.
13 Responses
  1. Eric Says:

    Ryan...I feel that way sometimes but that is not who I am or who you are. A good heart and empathy for others (including our furry friends) is a part of me and you I think. Getting hurt and disappointed is part of it, but the biggest part is knowing that we can do good and we can make a difference.

    Too many people only care about themselves. We don't need any more assholes out there babe..stay who you are and remember lots of people love you!

  2. Teddytoy Says:

    Ryan, You would never be happy if you closed out your friends. You are a very social and loving person. When we put ourselves out in public we eventually have a run in with that part of the public that wants to hurt people. You have a huge heart and need to share it with those that love and care for you. When someone hurts us ... especially a 'friend' ... it will upset us and really hurt ... but we learn from it and go forward. That is one way we grow.
    You are a very special person and are very well loved and cared for. Many guys your age would give anything to be in your position.
    Enjoy your family and friends and continue to be the great guy you are. Those that count will care and love you. The rest don't matter. pologno

  3. Aaron Says:

    Ryan, my sweet, this is the challenge for all of us.

    When I broke up with my last lover I decided that was going to be the last time I let my heart be broken and closed my heart to love.

    That was in 1996.

    It is 2011. I have not fallen in love since. I've barely dated since. I've isolated myself. I've secluded myself in my world of work.

    I am lonely. I want to love again but I don't know how and still wrapped up in fear. And now I am almost 50, overweight, and lost my youth ... and, as you know, in the gay community it's all about looks.

    So ... be careful about shutting out pain because it often means shutting out possibilities. And your heart is your greatest attribute.


  4. Doug Says:


    I know exactly how you feel. You working to save animals and help gay teens, and me wanting to help teens, children and their families. sometimes you run into someone who who isn't nice and does some bad things. Then we think about giving up. All I can say is just keep thinking of all the people you have helped and all the those smiles and hugs you got back. That is well worth all the pain that a few people give us. Don't give up. You are doing a lot of good.

  5. mgresham Says:

    Ryan,I would hate to lose you when I just found you yesterday. You are a great guy and deserve all the happiness in the world. Don't let the assholes get you down. Oh yeah, I sent you an email earlier, not sure if you got to read it yet.

  6. FOGGY Says:

    Hey Ryan,
    ..........Aaron's right. I know from personal experience. I basically mirror his above profile, except add another 15 years.

    You're a lucky guy. You have a soulmate who will share your life until the end of time; and a Mom who not only loves you, but understands you. My Mom knew I was gay, but was in denial of it, right up to the day she died. And no one loved me more than my Mom (sigh).

    Shutting down you blog and Facebook pages would, IMHO, leave a gaping hole in MY heart, as well as this community in our cyberworld.

    "BZ"........ "FOGGY"...........

  7. Mind Of Mine Says:

    I could relate on a personal level to this post, I don't help animals or gay teens though. But I don't think you should stop being generous but maybe reassess those you do help. Be more in tune with the people that will not only be appreciative but will also return the favour ,should the time come when it is needed.

  8. Anonymous Says:

    He'd die for you too ya know...
    trust me...



  9. elise Says:

    My dear Ryan---you could never be a Tin Man. Not possible. Your heart is too big.

    Keep listening to the real-life and Facebook and blog friends who love you and just say fuck off to the rest.

    ****SUPER-SIZE HUGS****

  10. Lil bro I tried to do that. I tried to shut everything down and stop caring but I think it's something that's built into some of us. I know what you mean about caring too much, wanting to see other folks happy and sometimes....yeah, it backfires.

    Just realize that there are those of us that do love you a lot and when the bad times are there, we'll be here for you with our arms open.

  11. ryan field Says:

    Ya don't wanna be the tin man. Too many people love you!! Pay attention to them, not the people who don't love you.

  12. jimm Says:

    Ah well, the TinMan's gonna need lotsa lube. don't want any special parts getting rusty!

    Maybe the bad ppl are jus fake, you know, kinda like that ol' wizard of oz.

    I don't get any feedback on my blog so i really haven't experienced what you are going thru.

    I don't have many friends anymore. It is basically whoever im following online. It kinda fills the void for now.

    Bsides, ya can't quit yet, you still owe me a post.

  13. Anonymous Says:

    You are WAY too social an animal to go into hiding. Life always has ups and downs, and good people and bad people come and go.

    Please keep being the wonderful, loving, thoughtful guy you are. Think of how unfun life would be if you just curled up in a ball, even with Kadin.

    Here's to happy times, Ryan! Love ya, dude!

    Peace <3