Counseling Sucks Sometimes

I've been doing my counseling trying to do whatever I can to get me out of this funk that I'm in. The group thing I like its been nice and helpful the counselor that's another story all. So far we have had it out 4 times and I told him last Friday that if we come to blow again that I would seek someplace else to go. He kindly told me that wherever I went he would forward my records so they could see my problems yes he said problems.

See he thinks I have a couple other problems that may or may not lead to my depression. I disagree with him on these cause I don't see them as problems I see them as things that make me happy. No it has nothing to do with me being just want to make that clear. Not sure I want to talk about it on here cause they sound kinda bad. You know fuck that yall been my friends for a long time and I know you will tell me honest.

So the counselor thinks I have a sex problem like he thinks I'm a sex addict. He said I have a problem cause I like to cum 4 or 5 times a day he said that's not normal. He said that I am to open about my sexuality and my nudity. Thinks being raised a nudist may have hurt me and may have caused my depression. Of course I went off on him about this and told him my nudity or my need to shoot 4 or 5 loads a day don't have anything to do with me being depressed.

If anything it has help me be who I am. I told him the depression started way before the nudity and the jacking off did. I told him always being bullied in school or by family always being told your going to hell cause your gay has a lot to do with it. Trying to be normal whatever the hell that was trying to live up to everyone else trying to live a straight life cause living a gay life was so wrong has some to do with it not being naked.

Shit I don't know what do yall think?
17 Responses
  1. Mike Russell Says:

    Find a new counselor. He's letting his own issues about sexuality and nudity cloud his judgment. You may or may not have a sex addiction, but wanting to cum 4 or 5 times a day and wanting to be naked is not pathological.


  2. Doug Says:

    I agree with Mike. Find somebody else for a counselor.

    Being raised a nudist does not hurt you. Being bullied in school might not have started the depression but may have added to it. The same goes for the being told about going to hell.


  3. Jay Ross Says:

    Sounds like a jealous counselor to me. Get a new one. When I was younger that was never a problem. As far as being naked - if you enjoy being naked - do it - life's too short notn to enjoy what you like.


  4. naturgesetz Says:

    I think it takes time to figure all this out.

    For starters, I think it is fair to say that as simple facts, having to cum four or five times a day is statistically unusual, being a nudist is statistically unusual, being gay is statistically unusual. (And as you know, I'm gay and like being naked too.) Does any of it have anything to do with being depressed? I wouldn't think it would make you depressed. But could whatever does make you depressed also have something to do with those things? I don't know.

    All I can do is give you a couple of generalities. One is that the way our minds work, sometimes we reject ideas most strongly because they make us uncomfortable; and sometimes they make us uncomfortable because we're afraid they're true and we don't want them to be. The other is, t takes time to figure these things out.

    I don't see what nudism would have to do with depression. It does seem to me that a large number of gay bloggers are depressed, but I don't know if it's more than straight guys, and I don't know if one has anything to do with the other. And it seems to me that cumming so often would more likely be a way of coping with depression than a cause of it.

    But I don't know. I'm just trying to give you some ideas.

    I know that when I was in group therapy, just talking about things gave me a chance to explore what was going on deep in my mind, and sometimes I figured out some surprising things about myself. And part of it was thinking about questions people asked or things they said.

    Whether you stay with that counselor or find another one, I hope you'll keep with counseling. It would be great if you can get that depression under control.

    *hugs*


  5. mary gresham Says:

    Babe, its time to find someone else, whoever this pperson is obviously has a problem with you. I also think he heeds to be reported. So you love sex, so you don't like to wear clothes, so you jo 4 times a day. You're a guy! A young one at that, its normal, yes I said NORMAL!!!! Hell, except for jacking off, Randy is the same way and he's 54. If left to him, we would have sex 4 and 5 times a day, I wouldn't be able to walk if we did.

    So, tell this person to kiss you're pretty little bare ass and find someone else, you do not have to put up with that shit and I would report them. Love you.


  6. Jay M. Says:

    I"ll be a little less dogmatic, and suggest that a second opinion would probably be a good idea. I think Mike is right, in that at least in some ways, the counselor is letting his own prejudices cloud his thinking (or if not prejudices, then as naturgesetz mentioned, the statistical anomaly that you present is getting in the way).

    Of course, naturgesetz could also be right in that you resist ideas that might be the root of the problem. So hearing from another perspective, that is, another counselor, is a good idea.

    That being said, a new counselor should start FRESH with you, not after reading another person's ideas. If, after some time with you, he feels like seeing what the other guy thought, to either validate his own ideas or just to see if there is any similarities, then perhaps he might want to read the other's notes.

    Go find someone new, start fresh, and see where it goes. You can broach the subject of another counselor later on, after you establish some rapport with the new person, if you feel it would be helpful, or you could ask the new guy if seeing the old notes would be helpful.

    Good luck, and it's good to know you've recognized that things are quite right, and you're looking to help yourself - that's tough for a lot of people, and finding the right counselor often discourages them from trying hard enough. Don't give up, you'll find someone who works with you.

    Peace <3
    Jay


  7. lauradeth Says:

    I agree with Mike also. Find a new counselor, maybe try a female counselor.

    To me, it sounds like he's adding to your depression instead of helping you relieve it.

    I think by opening up to us, you're readers you're making progress by asking us for our opinions and I think you would benefit from another professional opinion.

    Have you asked Kadin or someone you trust to go with you to a few sessions? I've heard that sometimes that can help emotionally and physically.

    All the best Ryry :) xx


  8. David Says:

    I hope you do find your way.

    Back when I was seeking relief from depression by way of counseling I discovered my problem was that I was seeking to fill the void I felt inside from the lack of what I perceived to be a happy childhood.

    I have since learned to accept myself just as I am, and now I really enjoy being alone. I have friends who can not tolerate spending time in solitude, and I understand that, because I used to be where they are.

    So I think that each person is different, and should (IMHO) decide for them self what is "their purpose in life".


  9. elise Says:

    I agree that you should find a new counselor, Ryan. I'm most concerned about you not having a trusting relationship with your counselor. Nothing is going to work if you don't have a good relationship that produces good communication.

    I went thru a number of counselors before I found the right one.

    I think you need to find someone who has a communication style that you are comfortable with. You have to be able to truly listen to each other, and more calmly discuss things--whatever the topic.

    A different counselor may also raise these 2 issues, but in a non-judgemental way that invites reasonable discussion. If it's a good counselor-client relationship, then you will both be open to listening to each other's explanations and reasoning about a particular issue.

    Also, I personally don't agree with a counselor who regularly uses the term "normal". I know they are trained to apply standards of "normal" vs. "abnormal", but they don't have to use those harsh words during counseling. I don't want to be compared to others by some textbook definitions. I want my counselor to evaluate whether my behaviors or thoughts are healthy and appropriate for ME.

    Just some ideas for you to think about---wishing you well with this!!


  10. Ryan.. almost everyone here agrees that your counselor needs a counselor ... and it is time for you to move on to another.
    The number of times you get off in a day is actually very normal for the 18-28 age group. What is different is that you have the guts to admit it.
    Depression is caused by many things. One of the main things that causes it in gay men is feeling that you have to act as some one you are not. Family, friends, churches, and work are some of the things that try to make you into someone you aren't.
    You, Ryan, are a very strong young man with many great, positive and loving ways. You also have some people who are very close to you and care a lot about you. Think positive and it will help... it may not cure the problems but will help.


  11. Barb Says:

    Yep, I have to agree with everyone else. The things that this counselor says are "problems" are more his problems than yours. I've had my share of counseling over the years, and I think the counselor's position is supposed to be providing non-judgmental support and offering new ways to look at things, which this guy is not doing.

    It surely can't hurt to get some other professional's views on issues that could lead to depression, but I don't think the number of times you come every day or whether or not you wear clothes have much to do with it.


  12. What? Jerking off leads to depression?! If that were true I should be "happier than a pig in mud!" (See link.)

    Hopefully most of those are shared with Kadin.

    Anyhow, if anything, the number of times you cum every day is probably a SYMPTOM of some deeper issues; just as drinking is a symptom of depression, or not sleeping well or sleeping too much.

    I think you need to find someone else. Someone to help you find insight for yourself and give you tools to deal with your depression - not just pills.


  13. Anonymous Says:

    Hi Ryan! Maybe you should get yourself a new conselor. Apart from any content you are discussing with him, it seems you are not trusting him. So the neccessary basis for any successful therapy is spoiled already. And you should ask any new conselor, whether s/he is ready to start an independent diagnosis BEFORE reading your records. This might help.

    As said before, psychology is only about statistical average. Anything, that differs from society's average value (which is changing in time) is some way not "in order". With a view to our society we can ask, if this is a good standard to judge people and there behaviour. :/

    Cumming 4-5 times a day surely doesn't meet society's average anymore, but doesn't neccessarily mean you are addicted to it. It might be an indicator, but is no proof at all. As long as you simply enjoy it and can do without it as well for some time, and as long as it does not interfere with your social life, your relationship with Kadin and work, it does not fulfil the neccessary condition of addiction. Or citing this old joke: "Do you have a problem with sex?" "No, just without."

    In a blasphemic way: You can gain your Ph.D. in psychology with highest honour without being able to recognise a human being in life. I can tell you, cause I have some friends who succeeded this way. :)

    With love,
    Simon


  14. ryan field Says:

    "Find a new counselor. He's letting his own issues about sexuality and nudity cloud his judgment. You may or may not have a sex addiction, but wanting to cum 4 or 5 times a day and wanting to be naked is not pathological."

    I agree with @Mike. This guy sounds like he needs more counseling than you do.


  15. jimm Says:

    Ry, when i needed counseling, i found someone who had a common connection with me. He had a wife who was deaf. So he was more aware of the type of issues I had.

    So your hearing has nothing to do with your depression? Or your ability to communicate with others?

    Honestly, sometimes when you post about an issue, sometimes it sounds like you hold back until you kinda get angry. Reminds me of myself. And whenever i behave like that, it makes me depressed.

    If ya want, email me if this is getting too personal...

    jim


  16. surakmn Says:

    Look love...you're how old? Cumming 4-5 times a day at your age is perfectly natural and normal. There's nothing wrong with nudity. The extent to which such thing as "sex addiction" even exists is shaky, at least as a stand alone thing. If your sexuality becomes compulsive to where it's interfering with your ability to do what you need through the day then there are issue. Otherwise, I'd say you are a normal healthy young male.

    Some people are anti sex and sexuality in general and it seems to me your counselor is projecting his own hangups onto you.

    You should probably find a new counselor - and of course records are exchanged between professionals. That's par for the course. It's also no big deal to change. Different people work better with different counselors and it sometimes takes a few tries before finding one that works well for you. You should consider your first few counseling sessions a test drive for you to get to know one another and see whether the "fit" is right.


  17. Anonymous Says:

    If you go look for a new counselor, maybe you should search for someone who is gay and/or nudist, so both of you could have a common emotional base from which starting to work.

    And, considering that you live in the South of USA, maybe be wise to also check if he or she has not any fundy ties...

    But, of course, a gay nudist wingnut therapist would be quite eccentric, even for Florida!

    In any case, good luck. You deserve better!