I'll be ok

I been fighting depression all my life I never know what brings it on or how long it will last. All I know is I don't like it and I don't like the feeling. I do take meds for it most the time it helps but sometimes the feelings just over run and the meds just don't work. I don't the feelings anymore of hurting myself they are under control just the sad feelings is what I get now and just wish I could control it.

I think this time I know what help bring it on but I'm not sure and I'm sorry but I can't talk about it. I know when it comes to this blog I have been pretty open with my life and have damn near talked about everything but there is some that I haven't and wont. I think there is only two people that knows everything there is know about me and I know they won't every tell that's why I open up to them.
I will get pass this like I always do so for now all I can ask is you stand by with me until it does pass. I'm sorry if I brought this blog and my facebook to a sudden stop I do enjoy doing both just when I'm in a better mood. So until this passes I won't be posting much on either site its the wrong time of the year and I don't want to bring anyone down and please don't worry about me I have Kadin, Tyler and my folks watching out for me.

Hugs to All!

15 Responses
  1. naturgesetz Says:

    I'm glad you understand what's going on. You know that feeling the way you do is from depression and it will pass. I hope that makes it easier for you to hang in there until it does pass.


  2. Bret Says:

    Take your time and think of yourself first. When you get to feeling better then you can get back to doing things.

    Take care!!!

  3. kevin spears Says:

    Thanks for sharing a difficult thing in your life, I to fight depression all of my life. I know the Holidays can be rough, Hang in there and i will to. Know that youu have alot of people that care about you. (-: HUGZ, Kev

  4. Anonymous Says:

    Hi Ryan!
    I don't know if there is anything we can say to make you feel better. So I just want you to know, that we are here with you - always, no matter whether you feel good or bad!

    With love,

  5. Aaron Says:

    I hear ya, brother! And you know too that I, like you, suffer clinical depression. I was on meds for a long time. In the beginning they helped me get passed my constant desires to kill myself. After six years I wanted off the drugs despite my doctor's warnings that I was a "lifer" - someone whose brain chemistry and makeup meant permanent treatment. However, I fight a daily battle because I no longer have insurance and can't get meds. Sometimes, I want to get back on them.

    Simon and the others, please remember that clinical depression is a disease versus just being depressed and needing some short-term help - like if a family member dies, or holiday issues.

    And remember too, there's really nothing you can say or do to "make us feel better" other than to be there and listen. Sometimes I lose my battle and I start to talk about suicide and my friends freak out because they feel they need to do something ... I tell them just to listen, lend a shoulder, and ignore the specifics of me rants. It's just my depression talking.

    Ryan knows he has the love and support of his family, Kadin, and even us ... sometimes, the voice of depression is just louder.

    Even though I only "know" Ryry through his blog he has my total support (even though I tease him every so often).

    So, lift a glass of water and give a hearty toast to chemistry!

  6. lauradeth Says:

    I know how you feel, well in a round about way, even though I only suffered a few years, it was horrible. I'm glad you've got support around you because I didn't but I got through it and I know you will too.

    I'll tell you a little advice my Uroma always told me;

    "Smile because even if it's a sad smile it's better than not knowing how to smile at all and if that doesn't work, cry."

  7. Doug Says:

    Ryan, I know exactly how you feel. I have suffered from depression on and off for thirty-five years. I have my good days and bad days. I have been on drugs for over ten years now. People just don't realize how bad it can get sometimes. I know you have some good supportive people down there to help you get through this. I know you will make it. I will be praying for you. If there is anything I can do for you just let me know.


  8. Ryan know that I love you to and I'm there if you need me.

    I know how depression goes. A lot of times I "put on a happy face" although I don't feel like it because I don't want people asking what's wrong.

    This time of year IS hard on a lot of us. I get really really moody about Christmas and sometimes very depressed about it as well. Just know that you are very much loved by a lot of people and myself included.

  9. Anonymous Says:

    At least you take your meds. Lots of folks don't and then they complain that they're always down.

    You know your real friends will stand by you, know that every day isn't paradise, and be there when you're feeling better. And the whys to us are not that important, just that you know what to do about it.

    And yes, I know exactly how depression feels.

    Peace <3

  10. elise Says:

    sending my love and support, Ryan---I also have this battle and sometimes it's hard to explain to those who don't.....

    most important thing is to make sure you tell someone close to you when you're feeling extra bad, and I know you've done that..

    hang in there, sweetie--love you!

  11. jimm Says:

    Yeah, it's a constant challenge for me. With my ears, I always miss out on something. Then i start feeling all isolated, alone on the inside.

  12. ryan field Says:

    Hate to see you go through these periods. If you need anything, e-mail me and let it out :)

    You'll get through it.

  13. Jason K Says:

    Hi Ryan

    I don't suffer from depression myself but have some friends who do so I know that it can get pretty bad at times. Just want to let you know that you have tons of friends like me, who have never met you but love you & I know you have personal friends & family who love you very much and care for you so hang in there coz it will pass ane we'll always be here to stand by you.

    Take care my friend ((hugs))

  14. Even when I not comment you're still in my thoughts, best of luck Ryan!

  15. Barb Says:

    Ryan, don't know that this will be any help, but. I think you said you take meds "most of the time". I'm sure your doctor would tell you that you need to take them ALL of the time. If you still continue to have feelings of depression and/or destructive thoughts, maybe you need a change in medication all together. I've found that some meds I've taken work for a year or two and then need to be changed. Currently I've been on the same meds for around 3 years, and I feel lucky that they're still working. Don't mean to preach, but you might give it some thought. My thoughts are with you.