Your Not Alone

People ask me why do you depressed they say you have a great life a wonderful husband your family and friends? I'm not sure how to answer that all I know is it happens I fight depression sometimes a daily basis. I remember as a little kid that I seem said a lot I think it was the lack of friends maybe I don't know. I know I got picked on a lot cause I was so small and wore glasses had hearing aids I was an easy target. Later the hate comments came along being call queer and faggot took it's toll on me also.

I always felt safe at home but it got lonely too but mom always seem to know when I was feeling low and would do her best to make me happy. I thank her for that but a boy needs more than just there mom as a friend. I had one friend but he was busy a lot so I didn't get to spend as much time with him as I wanted. Even as a little boy he was working on his future so he was off either racing go-carts or cars even playing baseball for a while so I didn't get much time with him but when we did have time we made it count.

I wish I knew what brought it on but most the time it just sneaks up on me. I take meds for it but sometimes it don't stop it from happening. I'm not the type of person that would hurt myself that thought only crossed my mind once when I was 14 but I couldn't do it cause I like living too much. But I do cry a lot and like to sit in dark places and be left alone even though Kadin won't let me and if he finds me in there he will sit with me until I come out. So I don't know why I get depressed I just do but I think the key to pulling me out is my family, friends most of all Kadin.

So if your going through this just remember your not alone and if someone is trying to help you let them. Even if they just sit with you like Kadin does for me let them. If you feel you need help then seek it nothing wrong with getting help. If you need info on some places there are some on my sidebar or email me and I'll help you find a place. Just remember your not alone there are people willing to help all you have to do is let them!
13 Responses
  1. Doug Says:

    I am a long term depression person myself. What most people don't realize is that most long term depression comes from a chemical imbalance in the brain. There are a lot of drugs out there to help but finding the right one or combination may take time. A lot of people are still afraid to see a psychiatrist because they fear being labeled as crazy, which isn't the case.

    Even though I have been on medication for over ten years now I have had to have the dosage increased twice, and had to add another drug added two years ago to help it. Sometimes you just have to isolate yourself for a time.

    One of the best things is to have some friends that will be there to help you get through the down times, like Kadin does.

  2. mary gresham Says:

    Thanks Ryan. I've shared with you a little of Randys problems with depression and I, like Kadin, try not to allow him to get that far down. Right now Randy seems to be going thru some shit, not sure whats causing it. But the meds are no longer workibg as they should and I believe its time for either a change in them or a dosage change. Whatever it is, I.know its time because even though we seem to be having more fun at this point in our lives, he is also having more trouble keeping his happy face. I love him with all my heart and wouldn't take anything for him, he's my life:-)

  3. ryan field Says:

    Glad you're reaching out to other people with this post. From what I've seen, one of the hardest parts of depression is getting those who have it to recognize it and get it treated.

  4. elise Says:

    Thank you, Ryan. I hope you continue to post about depression every so often, as you have been doing. This subject needs to be discussed, in the open, so people can get educated and also know that they are not alone.

    I have mentioned in a number of past comments that I also battle depression. I was diagnosed 18 years ago. It was triggered by the trauma of trying to recover from a horrific car accident that left me critically injured from head to toe. I was so fortunate to have a rehab doctor who recognized the symptoms of depression and sent me to a psychiatrist.

    Medication and counseling saved me, and continues to help me, although I have bad periods, like you have described. It's complicated, and sometimes I just don't know what has triggered a bad episode.

    You have shared something SO important, Ryan---that family, friends, and loved ones are the key to helping someone get out of a temporary depression slump.

    Best wishes and hugs to you, and all who share this disease with us!

  5. naturgesetz Says:

    I'm glad you have Kadin there to help you through the worst times with your depression.

  6. ric/Teddytoy Says:

    Ryan, In the 40 or so years that I have been helping guys deal with life, I've dealt with many who also suffer from depression. There are many ways of dealing with it. The best seems to be medication and having the support of those close to you. Some try extreme things like dangerous sports or wild driving or drinking.

    the Sharing you do on here and FB are acts of love that help many realize that there are ways to deal and that they are not alone.. I thank you for that!

  7. Jay M. Says:

    I don't think most people understand depression. I didn't until I had to deal with it myself, and everything you say is true - it can just sneak up on you, it doesn't matter that you have a "great life",etc. Depression is a chemical imbalance or something like that in the brain - thus the reasons meds help it. But not always. I think you cope pretty well, and the fact that you recognize it, and Kadin understands not to push you (or pull you) when you're suffering means it's a lot easier to cope with. Glad you're around to help illuminate the rest of us on the subject. Thanks!

    Peace <3

  8. Anonymous Says:

    Ry, i battle with it every day. It zaps my strength.


  9. David Says:

    Ryan as i read your post it brought tears to my eyes when you said Kadin would sit you and not let you be alone. That is a big help a friend that doesn't push, pull or anything just there showing you they care. Please give Kadin a big hug from me as thanks for being there for my friend Ryan!

  10. Herb Says:

    Ryan take a look at the blog "" and you will find a guy now reaching the 40's who fights depression every day. He has been on many kinds of meds and survives because of his will power.You will have to go back a bit into his history to read his descriptive blogging on living with depression. Keith lives in L.A. and his partner is a research Doctor at UCLA.