Okay today is question day I would really like your thoughts on this topic. Some friends of ours have been dating for a few months now things are going great with them and I for one couldn't be happier for them just cause it took them forever to find each other and they are so happy together. So here is the deal neither one of them are the going out to clubs people and nothing wrong with that Kadin and I are about the same way but every now and then we do hit them. These guys have talk with us and have been very open about clubs and decided they would not go out to clubs alone only together as a couple. They both said it had nothing to do with jealousy but the fact they think that problems and drama starts at the club and could come between them. I can see there point can we say been there done that!
The problem is a friend of there's who use to be close to one of them and was his best friend I guess you can say well he is having issues with there rules and pushing really hard on some of them like the clubs he don't see where the problem is if there is trust then it shouldn't matter and I can agree to that somewhat. But if they talked about it and agree that they wouldn't go out to the clubs without each other wouldn't you think a friend would understand and respect there decisions? So the question of the day is would you let your partner bf/gf go out clubbing without you with there friends?
The problem is a friend of there's who use to be close to one of them and was his best friend I guess you can say well he is having issues with there rules and pushing really hard on some of them like the clubs he don't see where the problem is if there is trust then it shouldn't matter and I can agree to that somewhat. But if they talked about it and agree that they wouldn't go out to the clubs without each other wouldn't you think a friend would understand and respect there decisions? So the question of the day is would you let your partner bf/gf go out clubbing without you with there friends?
I can understand where they are at with it. My BF and I have been together 14 years next month and we go out alone. We like different kinds of clubs. We each know the others friends and have total trust. I think it is different maybe in a smaller community where people like to start shit. I have lived in those in the past and know how it can be. Here in San Francisco it is a big community and there isn't that problem so much. We both get hit on, even when we are out together. It is a compliment and taken as such. Trust really is the key but the decision is the couples to make and may change down the road. Just my 2 cents. =)
I think the couple's decision is okay, and I think the friend should respect the couple's decision.
The friend should respect what the couple wants, unless there is a special occasion, all going out as a single does is cause problems. Example, two weeks ago, we had some box turtles for a couple who live 50 miles from us. We were going out to the bar and asked if they could meet us there. Well, kris was in bed sick and adam was working, but he said he would swing by after work. We were running over an hour late, so adam went in the bar and drank while he waited. We got there, gave him.the turtles and he left. About 20 min later, I get a txt from kris asking if adam had left and I said yes, he should be home soon. Another 20 min passed and I received another txt asking how much adam had to drink cause he was wasted. I had no idea he had that much, he was in his car, waiting on us when we got there, but I knew he had a few, couldn't tell he was that bad. Anyway, it caused a big fight, with kris accusing adam of messing around on him and I felt responsible, even tho it was really adams fault, not mine. They're okay now, but it was a bad moment.
I'm asked by friends all the time to come party with them while randy djs at another, straight, bar and I refuse, I tell them we just don't do stuff like that ansmd we don't. Unfortunately, my friend Ryan, not you babe, doesn't understand why I cant just leave randy and drive 30 miles, but I've gotten used to him by now, I just tell him I cant everytime he asks.
I have no problem with them doing it. cause as you said the trust has to be there. But if it is something that was agreed upon then the friend needs to back off. if the party that is being asked wants to actually go, then they need to bring up the topic with their partner and see if the agreement can be changed. like I said I see absolutely no problem with going out separate.
i am a jealous person so i would have a problem with clubbing separate. in a new relationship i would not handle it. in a long term relationship and trust is established it would not be that big of deal and i may be willing to allow separation at times to a degree. i would expect a friend to be understanding and accepting of our decision and not push it.
In the beginning of any relationship there should be so much passion and sex going on that NO ONE needs (or wants) to go to the clubs. At least that's how it's always been with me and all the couples I know. In fact, if they are a new couple and they are still thinking about going out to clubs, I might even think there's something wrong with the relationship.
And, I've seen it before and it's happened to me. One person meets someone, falls in love and starts a relationship, and the good friend is still single and he feels left out. Unfortunately, there's nothing to do. No new couple wants a third wheel hanging around. We all have to move on and the relationship comes first, not the friendship.
Now, after a couple has been established for a while, then there is nothing wrong with going out to clubs together or apart. The trust should be there. And by that time the newness and the passion should have balanced out.
But in the beginning, if they aren't thinking about having sex with each other and being alone with each other every chance they get, there's something not right going on.